Letters to Maura
by Broadway007
Summary: After the shooting at headquarters, Jane writes a series of letters to Maura. When Maura discovers them, she asks Jane to read them out loud to her. This fic will follow those letters and the changes that happen between Maura and Jane's relationship. Chapters 1-7 are T and Chapter 8 is where the M stuff begins.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so, this was a one-shot that I wrote that is now blossoming into a full on fic. This first chapter is the exact same chapter from my One Shot Wonders fic entitled Letters but the following chapters should start being written soon!**

**After the shooting at headquarters, Jane writes Maura letters. Maura discovers them and then asks Jane to read them to her. This fic will follow those letters as Jane reads them to Maura and will show the changes in their relationship that happen.**

* * *

It had been 27 days since a bullet had blasted its way through Jane's lower abdomen and, since that day, not much had happened. She left her apartment when required for a doctor's appointment or to walk with Jo to the corner grocery store. While the first week after the shooting was filled with visitors and get well cards, people had slowly learned that Jane was done answering her door or returning warm sentiments. She was sick of being called a hero, tired of her hovering mother, and bored to the point of snapping at anyone who crossed her.

It was because of those reasons that Maura stood outside of Jane's apartment building one Saturday afternoon, debating the pros and cons of reaching out to Jane after two weeks of silence between them. She fiddled with the take out from The Dirty Robber before squaring her shoulders and walking up the stairs, her heart growing louder in her chest as she drew closer to apartment number 12.

"Jane?" she said gently after knocking gently on the door, doing so just as she reached the apartment for fear of losing her nerve.

Silence.

"Jane, I know you're in there," Maura pointed out as she listened closely. "I just heard you snap your fingers to stop Jo from scratching at the door. Angela told me that you changed your locks without warning so I would like it if you came to the door. "

Silence.

"I brought you some lunch," the doctor said with a smile. "There is a kale salad but also a burger and fries. I'm not quite sure why I thought it would be appropriate to bring you lunch since it's been over two weeks since you've returned any of my attempts at contacting you. Actually, I do know why I've come here today but…Nevermind."

Silence.

"Okay, well, nice talking to you," Maura sighed. "I'll just leave the carry out right here in front of your door and then you can listen to my heels as I leave and then take the food once I've left. I hope you're healing well and that we can maybe hold a conversation another day," she continued as she knelt down to set the food outside of Jane's door. "I miss you," she said, hoping those words would pull Jane from her isolation.

"You were really gonna leave food on my doorstep?" Jane's gravelly voice greeted Maura as the detective opened her front door.

"I suppose I was," Maura realized as she stood back up, her eyes taking in Jane's jeans that appeared a bit too loose and black hoodie over a white t-shirt. "But, well, now that you're here it won't be left on your doorstep. I hope you enjoy your lunch," Maura said with a soft smile as she took a step back and prepared to leave.

"Do you wanna come in?" Jane asked quickly, not entirely sure what she and Maura would do but absolutely sure that she wanted to at least sit with the doctor.

"I…" Maura said, biting her bottom lip subtly. "Yes," she decided with a smile. "I would like to come in very much."

"Cool," Jane smiled. "But, uh, can you grab the food from the doorstep? Bending over still isn't the easiest with the scar and stuff."

"Oh, of course," Maura said as she grabbed the food from where she had set it. "I don't know why I didn't think of that."

"Do you want anything to drink?" Jane asked as she walked towards her kitchen, trusting that Maura would follow her and lock the door behind her. "I've got milk, orange juice, or water. Or we could start drinking just past noon," Jane offered.

"I'll have some juice," Maura smiled as she began to unpack the containers and set them on Jane's coffee table while making herself comfortable on the couch. "Thanks," she said when Jane set a glass of juice near her before gingerly sitting down near her.

"Thanks for the food," Jane shrugged.

"Are you still having pains?" Maura asked as she noticed the slow way that Jane lowered herself to the couch.

"Just a bit," Jane admitted. "But only when I move suddenly or Jo decided to leap onto me while sleeping."

"May I take a look?"

"I mean, the doctor said it was healing fine last week but if you wanna have a look, go for it," Jane shrugged.

Tentatively, Maura lifted the bottom of Jane's shirt up to reveal an angry and bright scar that caused a lump to form in her throat. She scanned it for any signs of improper healing before gingerly putting pressure around the wound, feeling for any internal abnormalities.

"Any pain?" Maura asked, looking up to check for signs of discomfort on the detective's face.

"No," Jane sighed as she felt the warmth of Maura's hands on her abdomen. "It's like there's this weird tightness but not actual pain."

"The tightness is to be expected," Maura explained as she took one last glance at the scar before pulling her hands away and allowing Jane's shirt to fall back down.

"Ma bought me this scar ointment stuff but it just made the thing itch like hell," Jane thought out loud. "I mean, I don't know what she was thinking since I'm pretty sure a bullet shot point blank is gonna scar no matter how much ointment I slather on it."

"There are certainly treatments you can look into once the appropriate amount of time has passed to have the scar treated," Maura offered. "They may not be able to remove it entirely but they could certainly minimize the appearance."

"Nah," Jane shrugged. "I'm not that worried about it. It can be my daily reminder of how much fun dealing with dirty cops can be."

"Or it could be a daily reminder of your dedication and selflessness," Maura suggested softly, deliberately avoiding the word hero.

"Can we not talk about this?" Jane asked as she ran a hand over her face. "Please?"

"Sure," Maura smiled. "We can talk about whatever you'd like or we can just sit here and watch a movie or I can leave. I'll leave the ball in your court."

"Can I eat the salad you brought while watching you eat the burger?" Jane asked with a smirk.

"Pardon?" Maura asked with a laugh. "You're asking if you can eat a salad?"

"No, I'm asking if I can eat a salad while you eat a burger," Jane clarified. "Come on," Jane teased as she watched Maura's eyes travel to the carryout container on the coffee table. "I've always wanted to see you eat a Robber burger."

"Jane, I got the burger for you," Maura tried to reason.

"Maura, if I'm brave enough to shoot myself in the gut then you're brave enough to eat a burger."

That line is what snapped something in Maura.

"It wasn't brave, Jane," Maura said angrily as she pulled the container into her lap and lifted the burger up. "It was stupid," she noted coldly before taking a bite of the burger perhaps a bit too forcefully. "It was dangerous," she continued after she had swallowed her first bite and quickly took another bite for emphasis. "And it was terrifying," she finished as she let the burger drop back to the container.

Jane sat silently as she watched her best friend clench her eyes shut, attempting to calm her emotions before she broke. Tentatively, Jane picked up the container from Maura's lap and placed it back to the coffee table.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered as she watched Maura's face. "But Frankie…" Jane trailed off as she tried to forget the way it felt to see Frankie in such a fragile state. "He could have died."

"_You_ could have died!" Maura snapped as her eyes flew open to look at Jane, the pain in them obvious. "There was so much blood, Jane! I couldn't cover both entrance and exit wound so the blood was just…Everywhere. My hands were covered in blood. _Your_ blood, Jane! Do you have any idea how that felt? To know that my best friend was in incredible danger and I could do nothing? And then to have that best friend suddenly stop talking to me for two weeks? Do you know how that feels?" Maura asked, unable to stop her words from spilling out.

Jane opened her mouth to respond but Maura quickly stopped her.

"You don't, Jane," Maura stated. "Because if you really knew how that felt, you would know that saying sorry isn't enough!"

"Maura…" Jane trailed off, the outburst shocking her. Most of the people she had spoken to about the incident were calm, commending Jane for putting a stop to the siege. Jane knew Maura had been hurt by her actions yet seeing Maura's face a mixture of pain and anger was almost too much for Jane. "I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry," she admitted.

"How about you tell me why you became a recluse two weeks ago and stopped reaching out to me? Stopped returning any of my attempts at reaching out to you?"

"I didn't stop reaching out," Jane said softly.

"What?" Maura breathed, not understanding what Jane meant.

"Well, I kinda did but I also kinda didn't," Jane explained.

"I don't understand. What do you mean?" Maura asked.

"I wrote you letters. Almost every day, Maura. If I had a medical question or my scar was really bugging me or if I saw something on TV that made me think of you or anything else I wrote it down."

"I…I never got any letters," Maura stammered as she imagined the letters lost in the mail somewhere.

"I never sent them," Jane admitted. "In fact, there's a whole stack of them on the counter over there if you wanna read 'em," she said as she nodded to her small dining room table.

"Jane," Maura murmured as she rose to her feet and walked towards the table, glancing back at Jane when she saw that all the letters were in envelopes already addresses and stamped. "Why didn't you mail them?"

"Dunno," Jane shrugged as she grabbed a plastic fork from the bag and began to poke at the salad before taking a bite.

Maura gently began to sift through the letters, unable to process that there were nearly as many letters on the table as there way days since Jane shot herself. One of the envelopes even had the Mass Gen Hospital logo on it and Maura lifted it up, turning it over to notice a small '#1' on the back flap. Jane had written her one while still in the hospital. Lifting up several other envelopes, Maura noticed that Jane had numbered each envelope.

It was when Maura lifted up envelope #15 that she felt something other than a letter in the envelope. Looking over her shoulder to Jane, Maura saw that the detective had turned her attention to Jo and was dangling a piece of kale in front of the small dog. A smile on her face, Maura returned her attention to the envelope in her hand. She wanted to read the letters in the order Jane had written them but her curiosity got the best of her and she slid the envelope open, pulling out the folded piece of notebook paper and causing the object to fall to the counter.

It was the key to Jane's freshly changed locks.

Heart fluttering, Maura unfolded the piece of paper and couldn't stop the lump from returning in her throat when she read the three words on the paper in Jane's scribble.

_Please come over. _

"Jo and I really missed you," Jane said, having risen from the couch to stand a few paces behind Maura.

Hearing the detective's voice suddenly close to her, Maura spun around and quickly closed the gap between them to embrace Jane in a desperate embrace. She allowed herself to sink into Jane's arms as the detective wrapped her around Maura's waist to return the hug.

"Bass and I really miss you, too," Maura said, her voice barely intelligible as she buried her head into Jane's shoulder.

The two women stayed in a tight embrace, Jane rubbing a hand up and down Maura's spine as the medical examiner found herself replacing the feeling of attempting to stifle Jane's wounds with the feeling of being in Jane's arms.

"Come over," Maura stated.

"What?" Jane asked, pulling away slightly to look down at Maura.

"Come over," Maura repeated as she angled her head to look up at Jane. "I get the feeling you've barely left this place and we both know my couch is more comfortable. Bring Jo and she can catch up with Bass while we do the same. Unless you don't want to," Maura added the last part softly.

"No, I do," Jane said. "It's just that you're right about me barely leaving this place so the outside world isn't exactly the most comforting thing."

"Well, it's a good thing we aren't going into the outside world for very long. We're walking to my car, then driving to my house, walking from my car to my house, and then locking the door."

"Okay," Jane said with a small smile. "Should I, like, pack a change of clothes or something? Or is this invitation only for the day?"

"The invitation is for as long as you'd like, Jane," Maura smiled.

"Careful or I might move in and you'll share your house with two Rizzoli women," Jane laughed as she pressed a chaste kiss to Maura's hairline before pulling away to grab clothing.

"I'm not sure that's as terrible an idea as you think it is," Maura called as Jane walked to her bedroom.

"Well, most people would need to take me out at least once before asking me to move in with them but if you ask nicely maybe I'll let that standard slide," Jane laughed from her bedroom as she threw various clothing items into a small duffle bag.

"Well, maybe if I ask nicely I could take you out on that date," Maura whispered to herself as she walked to where Jane kept Jo's bag of food and scooped several servings into a large Ziploc bag in case the small dog was with her more than a day.

"What was that?" Jane asked as she reappeared in the living area.

"Nothing," Maura smiled as she turned to face Jane. "Are you ready to head out?"

"I think so, yeah," Jane replied as she lifted the bag in her hand. "Did you, uh, wanna keep the letters I wrote?" Jane asked as she looked over the shoulder to the counter.

"On one condition," Maura said after a few moments of thinking.

"What is it?"

"Read them to me."

"Say what now?" Jane asked.

"I'd like it if you read them to me," Maura said softly, looking away from Jane to look at Jo who was pacing next to the front door excitedly.

"Why?" Jane wondered.

"Why not?" Maura pressed.

"Well, I mean, you can read and some of the stuff in the letters is just random thoughts I had," Jane pointed out. "Nothing super poetic or anything."

"Are you embarrassed by what you wrote?" Maura asked gently.

"Kinda," Jane admitted. "But, ya know what? If you want me to read them out loud, I'll do that."

"Really?" Maura asked, her eyes brightening.

"Really," Jane confirmed. "Now go grab them and let's get our journey into the real world over with."

* * *

**Look for chapter two soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so, this fic is kind of super de duper daunting to me for some reason (maybe because so many of you said you'd love to read a continuation of the one-shot so I'm feeling lots of pressure) but I really want to write it. I sincerely hope that I live up to expectations.**

* * *

"You were right," Jane sighed as she sank down onto Maura's couch after the brief drive from her apartment to Maura's home.

"I usually am right," Maura smiled as she set a plate with two strawberries on it near Bass before curling onto the other side of the couch. "But what is it that I'm right about this time?"

"Your couch is certainly more comfortable than mine," Jane said as she pulled the quilt off the back of the couch and unfolded it to cover her. "I could take a nap just like this," she said as she leaned her head to rest on the back of the couch.

"Are you tired?" Maura asked as she turned her head to look at Jane. "You know that you're more than welcome to take a nap, although you would probably be more comfortable in a bed or at least spread out here."

"I don't know why I'm so sleepy," Jane muttered as she ran a hand over her face. "I've been sleeping normal and all that stuff."

"Well, sleeping normally for you isn't all that much," Maura pointed out. "And when a body is healing from a trauma such as yours, an increase in sleep is often required to aid in the healing process. It's your body's way of caring for itself."

"God, I've missed your Google mouth," Jane chuckled.

"I've missed you, too," Maura smiled. "And I'm serious, Jane. If you're tired, take a nap. It's barely past noon but if your body is telling you that it needs to rest, listen to it."

"Doctor's orders?" Jane smirked.

"Doctor's orders," Maura confirmed.

Assuming Jane would simply stretch her legs out to either rest on the coffee table or extend them in Maura's direction, Maura was slightly puzzled when Jane sat up and pulled her zip up hoodie off before lying down on the couch, her head resting in Maura's lap.

"This okay with you?" Jane asked as she relaxed onto her side, her face looking out towards the living room. "Resting on my other side bugs my scar."

"As long as you're comfortable, it's okay with me," Maura smiled.

"You're really comfy," Jane mused as she fumbled for the blanket, draping it over her lanky body before allowing her body to relax entirely. "Soft like a pillow," she murmured as she felt her mind being pulled towards sleep.

"You callin' me fat?" Maura teased as she tentatively ran her fingers through Jane's hair in what she hoped was a comforting motion.

"What?" Jane asked, eyes flying open as she turned her head to look up to Maura. "No, I wasn't trying to call you fat. I swear, I didn't mean it like that."

"I was kidding," Maura laughed as she saw the panic in Jane's eyes.

"I regret teaching you sarcasm," Jane huffed as she once again relaxed her head to turn to the side, sighing gently as Maura's hand resumed its path through her hair. "If you want, I'll read you the first letter when I wake up," she said softly. "Unless you-"

"Go to sleep, Jane."

* * *

"Jo," Jane grumbled as she felt the small dog leap onto the couch and begin sniffing her feet. "Go sniff Bass or something."

"Bass has retreated into his shell so I'm afraid Jo has already tried to sniff him," Maura smiled as she continued to run her hands through Jane's hair, having never stopped even when the detective slept. It seemed to comfort both women.

"I wish I could retreat into a shell," Jane sighed.

"Does this count?" Maura smiled as she pulled the blanket up over Jane's head. "Now just curl your legs up a bit to fit under the blanket and you could be Bass."

"Funny," Jane said from beneath the blanket. "How long was I out?" she asked, making no move to move from under the blanket.

"Less than an hour," Maura noted.

"Guess I should get up," Jane sighed as she pulled the blanket from her face.

"You don't have to," Maura said shyly as she realized she enjoyed the physical proximity to Jane.

"If I don't, then I'll probably fall back asleep and then not sleep tonight and everything will just be all screwy," Jane explained as she rose to a sitting position. "You wanna get this letter thing started?" Jane asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"If you don't want to read them out loud, I'm not going to make you," Maura said honestly.

"No, it's fine. They in your purse?"

"I'm serious, Jane," Maura said as she reached a hand out to gently touch Jane's forearm. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable or relive anything. If you'd prefer I read them on my own, I'm okay with that."

"Maura, I've been ignoring you for over two weeks. I owe it to you to do this," Jane said as she stood up and walked to the counter, rifling through the envelopes to pull out the ones labeled #1 and #2, hoping Maura would be okay with doing this in baby steps.

"If at any point during this letter, or during any subsequent letter, you want to stop and forget this happened, you just say the word," Maura said gently. "And unless I have your explicit permission, whatever you have written or we discuss will stay between us."

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," Jane laughed as she sat back down on the couch, crossing her legs as she opted to stay sitting rather than return to her position on Maura's lap.

"Exactly," Maura grinned.

"Here goes nothin'," Jane sighed as she opened the envelope with the Mass Gen logo on it and unfolded the paper. "You also can't interrupt me," Jane said quickly.

"I won't," Maura said, mimicking the action of zipping her lips shut.

_"Hey, Maura._

_So, the hospital has really crappy cell phone reception and I don't know when I'm going to see you so I figured I'd write this letter. Someone once told me something about writing letters being cathartic or helpful to my healing process or whatever. We'll see about that, I guess._  
_Ma told me you passed out earlier today. She said you were in the waiting room and sorta in this zombie stage. She told me that she tried to talk to you and tell you what was happening but then you looked down at your hands which were covered in my blood and just kinda collapsed. Guess it's a good thing that you were already in a hospital, huh? I really hope that you're okay. If I wasn't attached to a dozen machines I would come find you. Ma just left to get some coffee and check on Frankie so maybe you'll get a visit from her. Please be okay.  
_  
_You really saved Frankie's life, Maura. And I know you don't think you did but you kept him alive long enough for him to get to a live people doctor. He would have died without you. Maybe I would have, too, if you hadn't been right there to stop my bleeding. But Frankie…Shit, Maura. You saved my little brother's life and I don't know how I can start to repay you. Maybe by calling Bass a tortoise like I'm supposed to. Yeah, that's a good start._

_I'm starting to get real sleepy. I tell the doctors I don't need sleep aids but I think they slip them into my IV when I'm not looking cause I just feel so sleepy._

_I hope you're okay and that you come see me soon._  
_Jane"_

Jane set the letter in her lap and looked at Maura out of the corner of her eye, trying to gauge Maura's reaction. The blonde was wringing her hands together, almost as if rubbing lotion into them as she kept her eyes downcast. Neither woman spoke for a few moments until Maura finally broke the silence.

"Angela wasn't supposed to tell you that I fainted," Maura whispered, embarrassed that Jane had heard about her collapse.

"Yeah, but when has Ma ever been good at keeping things quiet?" Jane asked. "Was everything okay? Like, physically were you okay? Nothing serious or life-threatening?"

"Nothing serious at all," Maura offered. "I simply had been on high alert with the siege and my body was amped up to levels not typical for my daily life. I had just watched two people very close to me sustain possibly life-threatening injuries and when I looked down at my hands which were covered in your blood…" she trailed off, wringing her hands together more anxiously as she saw images of her bloody hands flash in her mind.

"Hey," Jane said as she reached out to grasp one of Maura's fidgeting hands. "Since when do you fidget?" she smiled.

"Sorry," Maura apologized softly. "I suppose my mind and body simply got tired of being on high alert for such a long time that I just…Gave in," Maura explained. "But I came around shortly after and was fine. Really, there was no need for Angela to tell you."

"She loves you like her own daughter," Jane pointed out as she laced her fingers with Maura's to offer a squeeze. "Why didn't you want her to tell me what happened?"

"You needed to be focusing on your own healing," Maura shrugged. "Your energy needed to be entirely on recuperating from the wound and regaining strength. I knew that if you heard about my fainting, you would worry about me more than yourself. I think in my mind…" Maura trailed off once again, shaking her head slightly.

"You know me better than to think I'm gonna let you trail off in the middle of a sentence," Jane teased.

"I think in my mind I was trying to protect you," Maura said quickly, rolling her own eyes at her thought process. "You had protected me and so many others that day so I suppose that, by not telling you about my collapse and allowing you to focus on your own healing, I was protecting you in some small way."

"Thank you," Jane replied, causing Maura to quickly turn her head to face Jane, clearly not expecting to hear those words come from the detective's mouth. "Yeah, a snarky comment about how I don't need you to protect me probably would have been the more expected response, wouldn't it?" Jane asked as she saw the shock and confusion on Maura's face.

"Snarky comments do tend to be your strength," Maura said with a soft smile.

"But, really, Maura," Jane said as she forced Maura to keep eye contact. "Thank you for doing that. For protecting me and for saving my life and for bringing me lunch today and every other thing you've ever done for me. Protecting people has always been a part of my life but sometimes it gets really exhausting."

"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" Maura murmured softly to herself.

"Say what?"

"It is a Latin phrase that asks the question; who guards the guards themselves? When someone is a protector or a guard, who do they have who will protect or guard them?" Maura explained.

"Well, whoever first asked that question clearly didn't know you and I," Jane smiled. "Cuz then they'd know that goofy medical examiners guard the impulsive guards themselves."

"The Roman poet Juvenal is credited as being the first to ask the question," Maura replied. "He lived in the 1st and 2nd century AD so there is no way he could have known us. Although perhaps you believe in past lives and the idea that my past life self knew your past life self."

"I don't care if I knew you in any past lives," Jane said as she squeezed Maura's hand. "All I care about is that I know you in this life."

"I was so scared," Maura whispered, not trusting herself to speak for fear of tears spilling out. She had to stay strong. "Medically I knew that where you were shot was quite safe, as far as shooting yourself point blank goes, but the minute I heard the gunshot, Dr. Isles was nowhere to be found."

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean that the composed and intellectual Dr. Isles was not the one running from the building or helping stem the blood flow. That person was just Maura, a frazzled and terrified best friend who was hoping that you would survive," Maura said softly as she tilted her head up keep tears from falling.

"Well, it's a good thing that Maura was there because if there's anybody's face I wanna see before kicking the bucket, it's hers," Jane smiled.

The tears began to fall from Maura's eyes.

"Oh, Maura," Jane breathed. "That was a pretty stupid thing of me to say and I really didn't think before I said it," she tried to explain. "Get over here," Jane said as she let go of Maura's hand and opened her arms to beckon the doctor into them. Maura scooted over until she was close enough to both be embraced by Jane and also wrap her arms around the detective. "Have you spoken to anybody about what happened?" Jane asked gently as she ran her hand through Maura's hair just as the doctor had done to her earlier.

"No," came Maura's muffled reply from where she'd buried her head against Jane's neck.

"Maura," Jane said.

"I'm not technically an employee of the Boston Police Department," Maura said, turning her head slightly so she could be heard but making no move to leave Jane's embrace. "Which means they cannot force me to go to any psych evaluations or take personal leave after an event such as this."

"God, I have been a terrible influence on you," Jane sighed, though a smile was tugging at her lips. "But, really, Maura, you should have talked to someone."

"I know the value of talk therapy, especially after a traumatic event such as this, but it just seemed so petty for me to go," Maura explained as she pulled away from Jane to reach to the tissue box on her coffee table. "There were people who were shot or lost friends or were otherwise involved in the siege. It seemed silly for me to go when there were others who had it worse."

"I totally understand your feelings," Jane said as she watched Maura dab at her eyes. "And I'm not gonna try to talk you into goin' to see a shrink but if you ever wanted to, you know I'd support you. I'd even drive you to the appointment if you needed."

"Thank you," Maura smiled softly.

"You want me to read letter number two?" Jane asked tentatively, not sure how much emotion she or Maura were up for. "Or we can just do one letter a day type thing if that's easier."

"How about we read letter number two?" Maura suggested as she wiped the last tear tracks from her face and offered Jane a smile. "Then you can put on some horrible film while I cook us a nice dinner. It will be just like old times."

"Are you gonna complain about the inaccurate stuff in the movie?"

"Are you gonna complain about me serving you healthy food?"

"Touché," Jane laughed as she slid the first letter back into its envelope and then opened the second letter, smiling softly as Maura reached over to clasp the hand not holding the letter.

_"Hi. I guess all those psych people were right when they said writing letters would help. It's kinda nice, I think. Anyways, I'm back at my place now and, as expected, Ma has been smothering me like crazy. The doctors wanted me to stay at the hospital a bit longer but I got the hell outta there. Stupid hospitals and their weird smell. But at least they had visiting hours so Ma could only see me at certain times. I dunno how I'm ever gonna handle 2 months of healing with her like this. I get that I was in danger and all but you gotta make up some sort of medical mumbo jumbo about how I need peace and quiet and a mother who doesn't hover to heal properly. Ma listens to you. She says she'll go back to work when Frankie is a bit more stable but that cannot come soon enough._

_Speaking of work, I hear you're already back and reporting for duty. Which is probably good since Pike pisses everyone off and you're definitely the favorite medical examiner. I think it'll be good for everyone to start going back to normal as soon as possible. Just go back to how life was before all this crap went down and try to move past something like this. But I dunno if everything will go back to normal. People keep calling me a hero for what I did. Korsak told Ma that they might get me a medal or something like that. I don't want that at all. I just wanna move on from this and go back to being plain old Detective Rizzoli, the sarcastic asshole who gets shit done. I don't wanna be the heroic Detective Rizzoli, the cop who saved headquarters._

_Can I decline whatever award they give me? You probably know all about police commendations and shit. Hopefully I remember to ask you if I can decline the award next time I see you._

_Hopefully I see you soon._  
_Jane."_

Once again, there were several moments of silence as both women let the words Jane had written sink into their minds. Unlike last time, however, it was Jane who broke the silence.

"Cav says I can't decline the award," Jane sighed as she leaned forward to set the letter on the table, not pulling her hand away from Maura's. Settling back against the couch, she turned her head to look at Maura. "He came by early on and I tried to tell him I didn't want it and that I didn't deserve it but it's coming from the higher ups so what I want doesn't really matter."

"I'm sorry," Maura said gently. "I know that you hate attention of this sort."

"If I'd actually done something heroic, then I'd be okay with this whole award thing. But I didn't do anything heroic. Shooting yourself in the gut doesn't exactly seem like something a hero would do," Jane scoffed.

"But putting a stop to a horrible event such as this certainly does have heroic aspects to it," Maura said.

"Don't you start callin' me a hero, too," Jane groaned.

"I didn't call you a hero," Maura pointed out. "I said that what you did had heroic aspects to it. There is a difference."

"I shot myself because I'm selfish," Jane said softly, pulling her gaze away from Maura's. "I shot myself because I didn't want you or Frankie to get hurt any more than you already were. I was only thinking about you two when I put that bullet through my gut."

"Jane, how on Earth does that make you selfish?" Maura asked firmly. "You just admitted that you were only thinking about your brother and I when you shot yourself and yet you call that selfish?"

"I didn't want two of the best people in my life to get hurt. I wasn't trying to stop the siege or stop a dirty cop or anything. I was just trying to keep two of the brightest lights in my life from going out," Jane tried to reason. "I was being selfish."

"Well, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree," Maura stated simply. "I don't think you were being selfish at all but, if that is what you want to tell yourself, go ahead."

"You're mad," Jane stated sadly.

"No, I'm not," Maura smiled as she squeezed Jane's hand gently. "I'm not mad at you at all. In fact, I am quite thrilled that you are opening up to me and we're speaking again. It's been lonely without my best friend."

"Tell me about it," Jane said with a soft laugh. "There are only so many conversations I can have with Jo until I start to think I'm going crazy."

As if on cue, Jo let out a yap and jumped back onto the couch in, doing a little dance before curling up between the two women.

"This feels nice," Maura mused, mainly to herself though she spoke out loud. "Just sitting here with our dog and enjoying a Saturday afternoon."

"Our dog?" Jane asked with a smirk, causing the doctor's eyes to widen and her face to flush pink at her blunder. "Hey, it's totally cool," Jane said as she saw the doctor's reaction to being called out. "I do call you Mama Maura whenever Jo and I are talking about you so she is kind of our dog."

"I simply refer to you as Jane when talking to Bass," Maura said softly.

"Yeah, well, my name doesn't really have a nice ring to it if you add it with mom or mama or anything like yours so no offense taken," Jane teased. "Plus I don't really think Bass likes me too much."

"Maybe if you start to refer to him as the correct species, he'll warm up to you," Maura smiled as she nudged Jane with her shoulder.

"Eh, it's much more fun to watch you get all frustrated when I call him a turtle," Jane grinned.

"You're insufferable," Maura said with a roll of her eyes. "But since you are still healing, I will avoid causing you any injury."

"Thanks," Jane laughed.

"And since you are still healing, I am going to make you a late lunch that is healthy," Maura smiled as she pulled her hand from Jane's to happily walk to her kitchen.

"Mauraaa."

* * *

**So, it is a semi-short chapter and for that I am sorry. But, as I mentioned in the author's note at the start of this chapter, I am quite terrified for this fic which means writing has been really nerve-wracking.**

**If you have any ideas for subjects Jane might cover in her letters, please don't hesitate to send them to me! I have a few ideas but I would love input from ya'll!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all so much for your kind words and excitement for this story! I have taken a few of your suggestions to heart and will include them in future chapters!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Are you not coming to bed?" Maura asked as she emerged from her bedroom to see Jane still in her jeans and t-shirt with her feet propped on the coffee table.

"Huh?" Jane asked, turning to look over the couch at Maura, smiling when she saw the silk pajamas Maura wore.

"I simply thought you were coming to bed"," Maura said softly. "It's almost midnight and when I said I was going to bed, I thought you would be joining me."

"I'm gonna stay up a bit longer," Jane said with a soft smile. "Not really feeling all that tired yet," she explained.

"Okay," Maura smiled. "I think I am going to play a bit of music in my room. If it becomes a disturbance, don't be afraid to tell me or just come into the room to adjust the volume."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Jane shrugged, trying to think of any other time Maura had ever allowed music to be played as she slept. "Sweet dreams, Maur," she added gently.

"You, too, Jane," Maura smiled as she returned to her bedroom, quickly scrolling through her iPod before settling on a playlist with her favorite operas. Curling up onto her side of the bed, Maura clicked her bedside lamp off and settled in for the night, secretly hoping that Jane would soon join her.

As Maura settled under the covers and allowed sleep to overtake her mind and body, Jane simply sat on the couch with Jo at her side, absent mindedly petting the small dog. This had become her nightly routine: forcing herself to stay awake until she was certain the sleep she would fall into would be deep and dreamless. It had worked after her first encounter with Hoyt and it had been working since the shooting.

Jane flipped the television on, quickly muting it as she turned to a sports highlights channel to keep her mind occupied until exhaustion set it. Highlights began and ending, people debated coaches and their decisions, and Jane began to feel the soft music wafting down from Maura's bedroom tug her towards sleep.

All thoughts of sleep left her mind, though, when the song ended and Jane heard her name being called weakly from the bedroom before the next song began.

"Maura?" Jane called out, sitting up straighter on the couch and straining to hear anything coming from the bedroom but the music made it impossible. Instincts kicking in, Jane quickly jogged up the stairs, not bothering to knock before entering Maura's bedroom.

The sight before her hurt her more than the bullet.

Maura was curled up on her side, pulled into a tight ball. Her hair, which usually looked pristine even in sleep, was wild from tossing and turning. She was clinging tightly to a pillow she had pulled from Jane's side of the bed and her facial features were far from relaxed.

"Maura," Jane said as she quickly crossed the room and knelt beside Maura's bed, her head level with Maura's. "Maura, wake up," she encouraged as the doctor let out soft whimpers in her sleep.

"Jane," Maura murmured in her sleep, deep into the nightmare. "Don't leave," she pleaded in her dream.

"Maura, I'm right here," Jane said a bit louder, tentatively placing a hand on Maura's shoulder. "Come on, Maura. Ya gotta wake up."

Feeling Jane's hand on her shoulder jolted Maura into a sitting position, her eyes wide as they darted around the room to force her brain back to reality. _You're in your bedroom, not outside headquarters. You're in your pajamas, not work clothes. Jane is alive, not dead. _

"Jane," Maura breathed when her eyes finally zeroed in on the detective kneeling beside her bed.

"You were having a nightmare," Jane stated.

"Y-yes," Maura replied shakily as she ran her hands through her hair and attempted to calm her heart. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," Jane smiled gently. "I was still downstairs catching sports highlights when I heard you say my name after one of the songs you're playing stopped but before the next song began."

"I thought the music might mask any sounds I made," Maura said as she reached to her nightstand for a hair tie, quickly pulling her hair up into a high ponytail.

"I got the feeling something was hinky when you told me you'd be playing music while sleeping," Jane said gently. "You never play music while sleeping. But you were doing it to prevent me from hearing your nightmare, weren't you?"

"Yes," Maura confirmed as she locked eyes with Jane. "Trying to protect you again, I guess," she said with a slight smile.

"Which isn't all that necessary and also quite silly since, ya know, nightmares are kinda my thing," Jane admitted. "Can you wait here for a hot sec? I'll be back in a minute or two."

"Of course."

Rising back to her feet, Jane placed a gentle kiss to the crown of Maura's head before disappearing from the bedroom. She jogged down the stairs, pouring a mug full of milk and placing it in the microwave before turning the television off and ensuring all the doors were locked. Checking the warmth of the milk, Jane quickly returned back to Maura's room.

"Ma always had warm milk for us if any of us kids had a really bad nightmare," Jane greeted as she handed the mug to Maura. "I don't think it actually does anything to calm nerves but it's soothing and warm," she laughed softly as Maura took a sip of the warm milk.

"There actually is some evidence that warm milk does have scientific benefits," Maura said softly.

"You gonna tell me about that evidence or make me Google it myself?" Jane smiled.

"I didn't mean to disturb you," Maura murmured as she took another sip, feeling embarrassed at her nightmare.

"Maura, it's okay," Jane said as she noticed the blush on her friend's cheeks. "Lemme get changed into some pajamas and then can we talk?"

"If you'd like," Maura shrugged.

"I would," Jane smiled as she grabbed her sweats from her drawer of Maura's dresser before slipping into the en suite bathroom, brushing her teeth quickly and changing out of work clothes and into a tank top and sweatpants. "You want the music on or off?" Jane asked as she walked past Maura's iPod dock.

"Off, I suppose," Maura replied.

"Please don't be embarrassed," Jane said as she turned the music off and slid under the covers on her side of the bed, propping herself against the headboard. "Nightmares are a way for your brain to process trauma, right?"

"Right," Maura said as she, too, leaned against her headboard, keeping the warm mug cupped between her hands.

"It's 2am and I feel like I'm about to pass out," Jane began before Maura interrupted.

"What are you…" Maura interrupted, trailing off when she turned to see that Jane had brought in the next letter and was reading from the paper.

"Hey, I thought you said you wouldn't interrupt me," Jane joked.

"Sorry," Maura whispered, gesturing for Jane to continue.

"_Maura,  
It's 2am and I feel like I'm about to pass out. I know that elephants aren't native to Boston but shit it feels like there is one sitting on my chest right now, Maura. I've had nightmares before after Hoyt but those haven't happened in a while. But here I am, sweaty and shaking because of some fucking dirty cops. And the dream wasn't just a flashback. It was like some shitty alternate ending to a horror movie. One where I'm not fast enough and Frankie dies and you get shot and I'm lying in some hospital bed while you two are dead in the morgue. And not only is my brain hurting, but I sat up too quickly so now my damn scar is hurting. I want to call you because you could tell me about some sort of yoga deep breathing stuff or explain to me the differences between Asian and African elephants or something like that. But it's 2am so I can't call you. I can't let my nightmares disturb you, too. But holy hell does everything hurt right now.  
Coffee. I need coffee. I'm gonna have to keep a coffee maker on my bedside table now. Just keep the caffeine coming and stay awake until I absolutely have to go to sleep. Then I'll be so exhausted that I'll sleep solid for a few hours before doing it all over again. How long did you say a person can go without sleep? 3 days or something. So I'll stay up for three days and then have a dreamless sleep for a few hours. Okay. I've got a plan. But I still need coffee. I'll stay up until your usual wake up time and then I'll call you to talk about elephants and stuff."_

"African elephants are typically larger than Asian elephants," Maura smiled gently as she sipped her milk. "Their skin is more wrinkled and their ears are bigger as well. There are other differences as well such as number of ribs and smaller details such as that."

"Are elephants your favorite animal or something?" Jane chuckled.

"They fascinate me," Maura replied. "Elephants are matriarchal and, as someone who never had a strong bond with her mother, the species piqued my interest at an early age. Plus elephants are quite intelligent and have amazing memories as well as the ability to display emotions such as grief, anger, or joy."

"Sharks always fascinated me," Jane admitted as she folded the letter back into the envelope. "What can you tell me about sharks?"

"That depends on what species of shark you would like to know more about," Maura replied. "There are over 400 species of sharks grouped into 8 orders. Great whites are most well-known but the bull shark is often regarded as the most dangerous because it can thrive in both fresh and salt water and also has more testosterone than any other creature on the planet."

"So, avoid any and all bodies of water or get eaten by a bull shark," Jane said.

"I think your chances of encountering a shark are quite slim," Maura laughed. "Sharks often symbolize the ability to survive," Maura mused as she set the now empty mug on her bedside table. "They signify that a person is dedicated and always moving forward. That a person is a guardian."

"Do you wanna talk about your nightmare?" Jane asked gently, not even trying to slowly bring the topic up.

"You died," Maura said simply as she turned to face Jane, eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Right on the steps of headquarters as I tried to stop the blood flow. You were leaving me and, as usual, I was powerless to stop someone I cared for from leaving."

"Maura," Jane said as she saw the pain in the doctor's eyes. "I'm never gonna leave you, okay?" she said as she reached out to grasp Maura's hand in hers and squeeze. "I'm right here and I'm gonna stay in your life as long as you want me in it."

Maura simply nodded, certain that if she spoke her tears would fall.

"Do you have nightmares every night?" Jane asked.

"Not every night," Maura said softly. "I only had a few right after the shooting but they became much more frequent when we stopped speaking. I had been able to keep emotions at a distance but then it just became too much to ignore, I suppose."

"I am an ass for shutting you out," Jane said. "And don't tell me not to swear because the only words that describe how I acted are swear words."

"May I ask you for something?" Maura asked as she continued to fight tears.

"Anything," Jane smiled.

"May I hug you? Just….Remind me that you're here?"

"Get over here," Jane grinned as she let Maura's hand go and opened her arms, beckoning Maura into her embrace.

"Thank you," Maura whispered as she scooted towards Jane on the bed and allowed the detective to wrap her arms around her, returning the fierce embrace.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?" Jane asked as she ran her hands through the lower half of Maura's hair.

"It's Sunday so I typically don't have plans," Maura murmured as she felt a few tears slip from her eyes as she continued to remind herself that Jane was real, Jane was alive, Jane was here.

"Well, now you do. With me," Jane smiled, choosing not to comment when she felt a tear hit her shoulder.

"What are these plans?" Maura asked as she pulled away and attempted to discreetly wipe the few tears from her face.

"Surprise," was all Jane said as she scooted down to lie on the bed, turning to face Maura who had done the same.

"May I have a hint?" Maura asked with a soft smile as she relaxed down onto her pillow, barely a foot of space between her and Jane.

"It involves elephants," Jane smiled. "And sharks," she added as she placed her hand on the bed between their bodies, smiling as Maura placed her own hand on top of Jane's.

"The zoo?" Maura thought out loud.

"How about we go to sleep and fight off each other's nightmares and then you'll be that much closer to finding out what the surprise is?"

* * *

"You just passed the turn to take us to the zoo," Maura stated as she watched Jane continue to drive, a smile on the detective's face.

"I'm aware," Jane grinned.

"But where else in Boston are we going to have plans that involve an elephant and a shark?"

"You'll see," Jane laughed as she turned onto a road that Maura was quite familiar with.

"The mall?" Maura asked.

"Yep," Jane nodded.

"You, Jane Rizzoli, are voluntarily going to the mall?"

"Okay, if you're gonna mock me I am so gonna turn this car around," Jane said.

"I'm not mocking you," Maura said. "I'm just surprised that this is our destination."

"Yeah, well, I'm just full of surprises," Jane shrugged as she pulled into one of the malls parking lots and quickly maneuvered into a spot. "But!" she said as she turned the car off. "We are not here for clothing!"

"Shame," Maura sighed.

"Hopefully you won't be disappointed when we get to where we're going, though," Jane smiled as she got out of the car, Maura doing the same and walking next to her into the mall.

"I'm certain that wherever you have planned for us to go is perfect," Maura smiled as Jane stopped at the map of the mall's stores, quickly locating her desired store and guiding Maura towards it.

"Ta-da!" Jane beamed as she stopped in front of a store and looked to Maura with a grin on her face.

"Build A Bear?" Maura asked as she looked into the brightly colored store.

"Yes, ma'am," Jane smiled as she placed a hand at the small of Maura's back and walked into the store with Maura. "It's a total kids place but I don't care. You pick out whichever animal you want," she smiled as she pointed to the bins with various unstuffed animals in them. "And then you go to the stuffing machines and help stuff the animal. Then you can print out a birth certificate with their name and everything."

"And they have elephants and sharks?" Maura asked with a laugh.

"Yep! But they've also got regular teddy bears and a ton of other animals like penguins, monkeys, pandas. It's really a child's dream," Jane said as they walked to the wall with the bins and began to look through the animals. "It's totally stupid so if you don't wanna do it then we can leave and go see a movie or something."

"It's not stupid," Maura smiled as she looked at Jane. "It's incredibly sweet."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jane said. "Don't let the guys know that I'm actually kinda sweet," she added. "I just thought that since we both have nightmares, we could do this together. That way if I'm not there to help your nightmares or you're not there to help mine, we could still have the stuffed animal to keep us sane."

"Last night was probably the best night of sleep I'd gotten since the incident," Maura admitted with a soft smile.

"Ditto," Jane said. "Sooooo, you think makin' a stuffed critter with me with help keep up the streak of good sleep?"

"Yes!" Maura grinned.

"Fabulous," Jane smiled as she wrapped an arm around Maura's shoulders for a quick side hug. "Now go pick out your animal."

"I'm getting an elephant," Maura said as she walked right to the bin with the elephants and picked one up. "Now you have to pick out yours."

"A shark, duh," Jane said as she moved down the bins until she reached the somewhat cuddly looking great white shark.

"And now we stuff them?" Maura asked, looking towards the large machines that displayed stuffing.

"Yep, ya just walk on up there and one of the employees will help you stuff the elephant," Jane explained.

Doing as told, Maura greeted an employee who sat on a stool in front of one of the large machines. Jane allowed herself a few moments to watch her friend laugh with the employee as she explained the process to Maura before gesturing to the foot pedal that would inject stuffing into the elephant.

Jane pulled her eyes away from Maura to greet another employee, stepping up to the machine next to Maura and beginning to stuff her shark.

When Jane reached into the large bin of small fabric hearts to 'give life' to her stuffed shark, she brushed Maura's hand as it also reached for a heart.

"You tryin' to steal my shark's heart?" Jane asked as Maura turned to look at her with a smile on her face.

"I would do no such thing," Maura teased. "As a doctor I would never try to cause harm to any creature, stuffed or real."

"Oh, now my shark isn't real?"

"You are such a child sometimes," Maura laughed as she pulled a flannel patterned heart from the bin, brushing Jane's hand briefly, and turned back to her stuffed elephant.

"Alright, now before you put the heart into your new friend you've gotta make a wish," the employee said to Maura with a smile. "So, close your eyes, make a wish, kiss the heart, and then slide it right on into this big guy."

Doing as instructed, Maura made her wish before sliding the small heart into her elephant and watching as the employee quickly sewed the animal up, handing it to Maura with a grin.

"You can go pick out an outfit for your animal or just head right on over to the computers where you'll get to make a birth certificate," the young employee said as she gestured to the other side of the store where five computers sat.

"Thank you," Maura smiled as she held her elephant in her arms and walked to the computer, laughing at the small children trying to pick names for their new friends.

"What was your wish?" Jane asked as she plopped onto the stool next to Maura, stuffed shark in tow.

"I'm not going to tell you," Maura smiled.

"Good. Cuz if ya tell someone your wish, it doesn't come true," Jane explained with a wink as she began to enter her information into the computer. "You got a name picked out?"

"She looks like an Eleanor," Maura stated as she ran a hand over the head of the stuffed elephant. "Ellie for short."

"I like it," Jane smiled as she watched Maura begin to type the name into the computer.

"What about your shark?"

"I like Dex," Jane said as she worked on her own birth certificate.

"Dex?" Maura asked, hitting the print button before turning to face Jane.

"Yeah," Jane grinned. "Like Pointdexter."

"I'm not sure if I'm honored your shark is named after me or insulted," Maura said as she followed Jane to the cash register.

"Well, I'm not sure I'm honored or insulted that your elephant _isn't_ named after me," Jane teased before turning to the woman at the counter, telling her the names of their animals so she could pull their birth certificates out of the pile that had printed.

Several minutes later, both Jane and Maura walked from the store with their stuffed animals sitting in boxes shaped like houses, birth certificates included.

"Thank you for this, Jane," Maura smiled as they emerged from the mall and began to walk towards Jane's car.

"You had fun, right? It wasn't really dumb or a waste of time?" Jane asked.

"I was far from dumb," Maura replied. "It was fun to watch the children run around the store and make a stuffed animal with my best friend. I have a feeling we both will be sleeping well with our new friends."

"I sure hope so," Jane smiled as she set her house shaped box in the back seat of her car before sliding into the driver's seat. "I'm really glad you don't think I'm a total cheeseball for knowing about the store or bringing you here."

"Not a cheeseball at all," Maura replied as she followed Jane's lead and slid into the passenger's seat. "Would you like to go back to my place? I don't want to overwhelm you with the real world or cause you pain to your abdomen."

"My gut feels fine most of the time," Jane shrugged. "How about we go to that bistro you like?"

"I would like that."

* * *

"You have work tomorrow?" Jane asked as she propped her feet up on the coffee table, snuggling onto the couch.

"Well, tomorrow is Monday," Maura teased.

"Okay, sassy," Jane laughed as she looked Maura, curled up on the other side of the couch.

"You don't like sass? How shocking," Maura grinned.

"Okay, you're gonna need to stop trying to out sass me or I will stick my stuffed shark on you," Jane attempted to threaten.

Maura simply arched an eyebrow.

"Fine, I wouldn't actually stick Dex on you but I'd think about it," Jane smiled. "You gonna kick me out later tonight?" she asked as she tilted her head back to look at the ceiling.

"What?" Maura asked, confusion in her voice.

"Well, I figured we were gonna watch one of your movies and order some dinner," Jane said as she rubbed absent mindedly at her palms. "But since you'll be at headquarters tomorrow, I kinda figured I'd be sent home after that."

"Jane, you know that you are more than welcome in my house anytime," Maura stated as she watched Jane rub her palms. "I don't think you will throw any crazy parties while I'm at work but, if you do, all I ask is that you tidy up afterwards."

"Noted," Jane chuckled.

"I actually kind of enjoy it when I come home from work or yoga or shopping and you're already here, making yourself comfortable on the couch," Maura admitted.

"Really?"

"Yes," Maura smiled as she angled her body to face Jane more directly. "It makes this place feel a bit warmer. Brighter. More like a home than just a house, as cliché as that sounds."

"Well, I'm glad I can be of assistance," Jane smiled. "So, uh, you don't mind if I crash here another night? I can make you dinner tomorrow as a thank you."

"Of course you can crash here another night," Maura said softly. "Although you don't have to make dinner for us to thank me."

"I wanna make dinner for you," Jane shrugged. "Being Italian and all I have to cook a nice meal every so often or else I run the risk of being disowned."

"Well, I would hate for you to be disowned so you have full access to my kitchen and pantry," Maura said.

"Cool," Jane replied.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" Maura asked, already handing the remote to Jane. "I have several recorded or we could order a Pay Per View," she suggested as Jane took the remote and turned the television on.

"Is this that documentary on The Body Farm?" Jane asked as she scrolled through what Maura had recorded, landing on a somewhat familiar title.

"Oh, yes," Maura smiled as she turned to see what Jane was asking about. "It premiered a few weeks ago and I couldn't help but record it. Sometimes I put it on just for background noise. It was-"

"Really interesting," Jane finished.

"You watched it?" Maura asked with a smile.

"Yeah," Jane said somewhat sheepishly. "I, uh…Be right back," Jane smiled as she rose from the couch, returning moments later with another letter. "It's kinda weird how everything is working out with these letters. You have a nightmare, the next letter was about nightmares," Jane stated as she flopped back onto the couch. "And now we're talking about that documentary and this letter is one I wrote after watching it," Jane smiled as she handed the envelope to Maura, propping her feet back up onto the table.

"What on Earth?" Maura laughed as she looked at the doodle Jane had made on the envelope.

"Gonna give Picasso a run for his money," Jane smiled. "The blob on the left is supposed to be tortoise Bass and the taller blob on the right is supposed to be anthropologist Bass."

"I suppose I can see that," Maura said as she examined the stick figure standing next to a tortoise shaped blob. "Would you like to read it or…" Maura trailed off, allowing Jane to answer in whatever way she would prefer.

"Yeah, I'll read it," Jane smiled as she muted the television and grabbed the envelope. "Comfy?" she asked when Maura turned her body sideways and stretched her legs out to rest on Jane's lap.

"Very," Maura said with a shy smile.

"_So, there was a documentary on the Discovery Channel that I just finished about William M Bass and The Body Farm and all that sorta stuff. I remember you saying that's who Bass is named after so I figured I'd learn a bit about the man who your tortoise is named after. It was really interesting, Maura. I mean, some of the stuff this guy did was really cool. Working with local cops to piece together a victim's identity or cause of death. What was really cool was that Bass planned to get his Master's degree in counseling but switched to anthropology after a semester. He worked with this guy named Dr. Snow who helped mentor him and guide him and took him out on his first forensic case. And then Bass got his PhD and just kept getting smarter and more involved in things and founded The Body Farm and it sounds like I'm talking about your tortoise but I swear I'm talking about a human being. Hah. _

_This documentary thing got me thinking. If Bass (the guy, not your tortoise) hadn't met Dr. Snow who mentored him, so many things would be different. Bass would have stuck with counseling and never got his PhD and never founded The Body Farm and then your tortoise would have a different name. Just like if I had never joined the academy. I wouldn't have met you while dressed as a hooker or gotten into homicide or gotten to know you as well as I know you. And if I hadn't met you…I don't even wanna think about where I'd be. And you…What if you'd stayed in Africa with Ian instead of coming back to Boston? Shit, this is too depressing to think about. _

_I guess since I probably won't send any of these to you, I can admit the real reason I turned on the documentary tonight. It sounds silly but I turned it on because I got the feeling you might watch the documentary. So, even though I'm not really in the mood to be around people, we could both be enjoying the same show at the same time. It made me feel a bit less sucky to imagine you sitting in your living room, watching the show as you tell Bass that the guy on the screen is his namesake. At one point during the show I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that we were both sitting on your couch, Jo curled between us like she always is, just being together. Ya know? But that didn't happen so I crossed my fingers that you were sitting on your couch with your pet while I sat on my couch with my pet so we were still sort of together.  
Jane."_

"We were together," Maura said softly after Jane folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope. "I was sitting on my couch with a glass of wine as Bass ambled around the house and you were sitting on your couch with Jo. Maybe no ideal, but we were together."

"I almost texted you, like, 10 times while I watched the show," Jane admitted as she rested her hands on Maura's ankles. "But I knew I'd be shitty company and I didn't know if we were okay after the shooting or you were angry."

"I think that, in the days following the shooting, I went through every possible emotion. Absolute fear, a complete numbness, blinding anger, sheer hope, and so many more," Maura stated, a small smile tugging at her lips as Jane's thumb began to rub her calf over her jeans. "But no matter which emotion I was dealing with, we were always okay," she smiled.

"And we're still okay now?" Jane asked, a hint of nervousness on her face. "After I barely spoke to you for the two weeks after the incident and then refused to speak to you two weeks after that?"

"Yes," Maura stated firmly as she pulled her legs to sit cross legged, scooting closer to Jane on the couch. "I won't try to bend the truth and tell you that what happened the past month hasn't hurt me," Maura said as she reached for Jane's hands and clasped them. "Because it did. It hurt a hell of a lot. But I understand you, Jane. I understand your need for space when things like this happen, your desire to just ignore that things have happened and go back to normal, your desperate avoidance of all discussion of emotions."

"I understand you, too," Jane said softly, unable to think of anything else to say.

"That makes you one of only an elite few," Maura smiled as she squeezed Jane's hands gently.

"God, how'd I get a friend like you?" Jane asked as she tugged on Maura's hands, causing the blonde to turn her body to face forward and rest her head on Jane's shoulder.

* * *

**I'm sorry this has taken a little bit to get written! I'm living at my parent's house as I search for my first post-university graduation job and they've been pretty shitty to me so my head hasn't been in the best place. Lots of emotional turmoil, pain, and less than pleasant thoughts.**

**I'm trying to find a balance between heavier stuff like nightmares, PTSD, anger, and all that jazz with more fluffy and goofy moments. Not sure how well that's working out, though.**

**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all for your wonderful support and kind words! It honestly is such an incredible feeling to know that ya'll enjoy my writing, seem to think I have a strong grasp on the characters, and all the other wonderful things you have said in your reviews and messages. Thank you so, so much. Really. If any of you live near Michigan, lemme know and I'll come give you a hug!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Is everything okay?" Maura asked as she picked up her cellphone, noting that it was Jane who was calling her.

"Well, hello to you, too," Jane laughed as she heard Maura's greeting.

"Sorry," Maura blushed as she sat down at her desk. "Let's try this again. Hello, Jane."

"Hi," Jane smiled. "How's work?"

"It's going well but it is about to get a bit hectic," Maura sighed. "A body is on its way to the morgue and it is going to require full on hazmat suits. To limit exposure to a potentially dangerous substance, I will be performing the autopsy without assistants and the number of tests needed is going to be high."

"You gonna make it home for dinner?" Jane asked, trying not to feel disappointed that Maura might not be joining her for a home cooked meal.

"It depends what time dinner is," Maura smiled. "It's almost 3 o'clock now so I most likely will be done…" Maura trailed off, mentally calculating a time she might be finished. "You know what?" Maura asked, abruptly halting her mental math.

"What?" Jane asked.

"I will be home for dinner," she smiled. "I will have to complete the autopsy and send samples off for testing but there is no reason to wait here for results. The lab has multiple ways to contact me if needed."

"So, you'll text me when you're getting ready to leave? So I can make sure everything is on schedule?"

"Of course," Maura replied.

"Cool," Jane grinned. "One last question for you."

"Ask away," Maura encouraged.

"I need to go to the store to get some stuff for what I want to make us for dinner," Jane began as she twirled a piece of hair around her finger. "I don't really wanna have to take a cab so I was wondering if I could use that Mercedes you keep tucked away in the garage."

"Who says that I have a Mercedes in my garage?" Maura smiled.

"The keys you keep hanging up next to your door," Jane laughed. "Plus I might have seen you driving it once when I was jogging downtown."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Its red with a collapsible roof, right?" Jane asked.

"It is," Maura sighed as she tried to remember the last time she'd taken the convertible out. "I haven't taken it out in such a long time."

"Well, all the more reason to let me take it out for a trip to the grocery store," Jane said, growing more excited at the thought of driving the convertible.

"I've never let anyone drive it before," Maura teased. "So why on Earth would I let you drive it?"

"Uh, because I'm Jane Rizzoli, your best friend in the entire cosmos?" Jane guessed.

"I'm not sure about the entire cosmos," Maura said, attempting to keep her voice and face straight. "Maybe just the Milky Way."

"Maura!"

"Oh, hush," Maura laughed. "You know you are my best friend in the entire cosmos and you know that you are more than welcome to take out the Mercedes."

"You're the best!" Jane exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "I promise it'll be in perfect condition when I bring it back!"

"It better be," Maura warned before spotting a man entering the morgue in a hazmat suit. "Okay, I have to run and get prepared for the autopsy. I'll text you when I'm leaving work."

"Bye!" Jae grinned. "Thanks again!"

She quickly ended the call and walked as quickly as her still healing scar would allow to the front door, pulling her boots on excitedly. She grabbed the keys from where they hung neat the front door and, patting her pocket to make sure she had her wallet, left the house and jogged to the garage. It wasn't until the garage door opened and Jane was opening the driver's side door that Jane's excitement faltered.

Ever since the siege, Jane left her house as little as possible. She hated the looks people gave her as they recognized her face and tried figure out where they'd seen her before realizing she was Detective Rizzoli, the supposed hero who shot herself to save Boston's finest. It drove her crazy and, eventually, the annoyance she felt as she left the house turned into a hesitancy to ever leave her house.

"Fuck," Jane sighed as she moved to rest her head on the top of the steering wheel, keys held loosely in one of her hands. "The badass Detective Rizzoli is scared to go to the damn grocery store," she muttered to herself. "Stupid real world."

A chirping noise came from the cup holder and Jane almost ignored it until she saw Maura's smiling face on her screen, alerting Jane that is was Maura who had sent the text. Smiling softly, she grabbed her phone and quickly pulled up the message.

_I know that the 'real world' has become a place you are less than fond of recently. But I also know that you are brave and strong enough to take it by storm. Especially if you're driving the Mercedes. I'm very much looking forward to a Jane Rizzoli home cooked meal tonight. xo_

Jane couldn't help but laugh at the perfection that was Maura Isles. Even though Jane had been excited while talking on the phone, Maura just knew that she would struggle a bit when finally leaving the house.

_Thanks. I needed to hear that more than you know. But don't get too excited for the meal tonight—I might accidentally set the house on fire. ;-)_

Confidence back, Jane couldn't contain the smile on her face as she started the car and, after rolling the top down, felt the wind begin to whip her hair around.

* * *

It was almost 7pm when Maura finally pulled into her driveway and, although her body was exhausted from the multiple autopsies she had performed, one while in full hazmat gear, she couldn't pull the smile from her face. She walked into her house and was greeted by Bruce Springsteen's voice coming from her kitchen.

"I'm glad to see my house hasn't been set on fire," she called as she slid heels from exhausted feet and made a mental note to bring them back upstairs after dinner.

"It was tough to not do that," Jana called back as she maneuvered through Maura's kitchen with ease. "Oh, Maura," she said when Maura entered her line of vision. "You look exhausted," she added with a soft chuckle as she noticed the sleeves of Maura's blouse were pushed up to her elbows, her usually perfect hair was slightly unkempt, and her feet with bare of heels.

"I feel exhausted," she sighed as she slid onto a barstool. "The heels had a higher instep than I'm used to, plus we had three autopsies today and more tests to run than I've ever run before. I've worked longer hours before but something about today was just more than I'm used to," the doctor explained with a soft smile.

"Well, it's a good thing I made comfort food for dinner," Jane smiled as she peeked into Maura's oven before returning her attention to wiping down the counter. "With a twist, of course."

"And what sort of comfort food did you make?" Maura asked.

"Macaroni and cheese," Jane grinned. "But none of that Kraft stuff in a box with the powdered cheese. This is the real good stuff," she smiled as she pointed to the various containers of cheese still sitting on Maura's back counter. "We've got sharp cheddar as the base cheese or whatever it's called but I also added a few other kinds that melt really well. Then to top it off I've got some nice breadcrumbs mixed with grated parmesan and a bit of paprika to give it a nice top layer."

"That sounds really quite amazing," Maura smiled. "What is the twist you mentioned? Or is the twist the various cheeses you used?"

"Before I tell you what the twist is, I'm gonna be honest and say I've never actually tried the twist before. I saw it on a cooking show a little while ago and have always wanted to try it. So if it sucks, I apologize in advance," Jane said.

"Well, your apology is accepted in advance," Maura replied.

"Good to know," Jane laughed. "I diced up some red and green bell pepper, plus a bit of onion, and then a jalapeno and mixed those in with the macaroni," she explained. "Give the macaroni and cheese a sort of southern flare, I guess."

"Interesting," Maura mused. "I'm excited to see how it turned out."

"You and me both," Jane laughed. "But I did run into a problem when cooking tonight's meal."

"What?"

"I have no idea if red wine or white wine goes best with mac and cheese," Jane said with a sheepish smile.

"I personally think beer would go best," Maura thought out loud.

"Well, yeah, I'm gonna have beer but I dunno what wine you want with this so, if you tell me now, I can grab it and then let it breathe so it's ready when the mac and cheese is done baking."

"I meant that I would like to have a beer with dinner tonight," Maura corrected. "Unless you don't feel like sharing your beer with me?"

"What? No, dude, you're always welcome to my beer," Jane said. "I always like it when you drink my beer anyways," she said with a shrug.

"You do?" Maura asked, a smile on her face. "Why is that?"

"Uh, well," Jane began as she tried to find a way to say _Oh, I just think it's kinda hot to see my sophisticated best friend take a pull from a beer bottle_ or _I love watching you drink my beer because no one else really gets to see that side of you and it maybe makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside._

Thankfully the oven timer went off at the perfect moment.

"Saved by the bell," Jane smiled as she shut the oven off and, after pulling some oven mitts onto her hand, pulled out the casserole dish she had put the food into. "Does it look any good?" Jane asked, slightly nervously as she set the dish on top of the stove.

"It looks wonderful," Maura smiled. "Is the table set? I can do that," she offered as she moved to slide from the barstool.

"Hey, sit still," Jane commanded with a smile. "You're exhausted and there's no need to go set the table when we can both just eat here at the island," Jane shrugged as she pulled two plates down from the cupboard and portioned out a healthy serving on each plate.

"I'm not so exhausted that I can't move to my dining room table," Maura pointed out, though she relaxed back into the barstool.

"Probably not," Jane smiled as she slid the plates towards Maura and then grabbed two beers before sliding onto the chair next to Maura. "But at least if we stay here at the island, we're closer to the second helping."

"And if the dish is not appetizing?" Maura teased.

"Closer to the garbage disposal."

"You are ridiculous," Maura laughed as she took her first bite of Jane's dinner.

"Well?" Jane asked, worry on her face as she watched Maura try the new dish.

"This is delicious," Maura beamed as she turned to face Jane. "I mean, it's really good," she continued.

"You're not breaking out in hives so I'm gonna believe you," Jane said.

"Try it yourself," Maura encouraged as she gestured to Jane's still untouched serving. "See that I'm not lying or bending the truth."

Doing as instructed, Jane took a bit of her dinner and turned to Maura, a smile on her face as she chewed.

"Damn, I'm a good cook!" she exclaimed after swallowing.

"Yes, you are," Maura laughed as she took a sip of her beer, not noticing the way Jane's eyes were focused on her as she did so. "How was the Mercedes?" she asked as she set her drink down and took another bite.

"Perfect," Jane said somewhat softly, not entirely registering Maura's question, and instead simply referring to Maura herself.

"Really?" Maura asked. "It's been a while since I've taken it out for a ride so I'm glad you didn't have any problems," she mused.

"Oh," Jane said, realizing what she had said. "Yeah, it was great. Thanks again for letting me drive it. It was awesome to roll the top down and drive around."

"It is an awesome feeling," Maura agreed.

The two women continued to talk throughout dinner and a small helping of seconds, until they migrated towards the couch, fresh beers in hand.

"Oh!" Jane said a few minutes after relaxing into the couch, sitting up on the edge of the cushion.

"Jane," Maura said as she set her beer on a coaster and laid a hand on Jane's forearm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no, I'm great," Jane said. "I just forgot that I made dessert. Close your eyes and wait here," she instructed as she stood up and quickly moved to the kitchen.

"Is closing my eyes really necessary?" Maura laughed.

"Yes!" Jane called from the kitchen where she pulled a plate from the microwave where she'd hidden the cookies to surprise Maura. "Are your eyes closed?" she asked as she put four cookies onto a smaller plate and walked back towards the couch.

"They are," Maura smiled as she felt the couch dip next to her, letting her know Jane was sitting just a few inches from her.

"Okay, open up," Jane ordered as she broke off a piece of cookie and held it up to Maura.

"I am more than capable of feeding myself, Jane," Maura noted.

"Do I need to make airplane noises or something to get you to open up?" Jane said with mock frustration.

"No," Maura laughed as she opened her mouth, a small shiver running up her spine when she felt Jane's fingers brush her lips as she placed a bit of the treat into her mouth.

"Now close your mouth, chew, and please tell me that you like what you're eating," Jane said, her voice just a touch lower than usual.

Doing as instructed, Maura kept her eyes closed as she tasted whatever Jane had baked.

"It's a sugar cookie," Maura smiled as she swallowed, eyes still closed. "But more brown sugar than simple cane sugar," she continued. "And…Is there beer in them?" she asked.

"Yeah," Jane replied as she broke off another piece of cookie. "Want another piece?"

Maura simply opened her mouth, encouraging Jane to repeat her earlier actions and place a bite into her mouth. This time, a small shiver ran through both women at the intimate moment being shared.

"It's got a dark stout to give a rich sort of hoppy kick," Jane explained as Maura chewed her second bite. "You like it?" she asked.

"I like it," Maura smiled as she opened her eyes, startled only slightly by the proximity of Jane. "Would you like a bite?"

"Sure," Jane replied softly.

"Open up," Maura smiled as she held up a piece of cookie, causing Jane to laugh before doing as instructed and accepting the treat.

"I'd use a bit more beer next time," Jane noted as she tasted the cookie. "Or a chocolate based stout," she thought out loud, relaxing back into the couch.

"I volunteer to taste test any future batches," Maura smiled as she, too, relaxed into the couch and allowed her head to come to a rest on Jane's shoulder.

"I'll keep that in mind," Jane replied as she moved her arm to drape across the back of the couch, telling herself that was a safe medium between keeping it at her side and wrapping it around Maura herself. "You want me to grab another letter?" she asked.

"In a bit," Maura answered. "Let's just relax like this for a bit?"

"Of course," Jane smiled.

After a few minutes of simply enjoying the quiet, Maura tentatively lifted her own arm up to grasp Jane's hand from where it rested on the back of the couch. Slowly, as to give Jane time to resist, she guided Jane's hand and arm down to wrap around her shoulders, giving the hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go.

"Comfy?" Jane teased as Maura then pressed her body closer to Jane's, as though she were attempting to melt into the brunette.

"Mmhmmm," Maura sighed as she felt Jane begin to run her fingers in gentle patterns around her upper arm. "Do your hands hurt?" she asked as she saw Jane open and close the hand not wrapped around her.

"It's gonna rain later," Jane answered. "At least according to the creepy weather guy on Channel 17."

"Changes in barometric pressure often times affect circulation," Maura said softly as she reached across Jane to take her hand and began to massage the scarred palms. "Since scar tissue already has poor circulation, they tend to be affected more than other parts of the body. If you massage them for a few minutes, the circulation will flow easier and you should experience less pain."

"I don't let anyone else touch my hands like I let you touch them," Jane stated as Maura continued to rub her palm, applying just enough pressure to soothe the detective.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Maura asked.

"Good," Jane confirmed.

"Good," Maura repeated as she gently returned Jane's hand to the couch next to the detective. Before Maura could release the hand, Jane quickly laced their fingers together.

"Good?" Jane asked with a soft smile.

"Good," was Maura's confident reply.

They sat together for a while longer, the sky growing dark quickly as a storm rolled in. The rain began slowly, nothing more than a light drizzle, but soon turned into a strong downpour. Though the house was growing darker, neither woman made an effort to move from the embrace they were sharing.

"Before either of us totally passes out," Jane began softly, not wanting to startle Maura from the calm surrounding them both. "I'm gonna grab the next letter. Is that cool?"

"Of course," Maura smiled as she lifted her head from Jane's shoulder and loosened her grip on Jane's hand.

Jane reluctantly got up and walked to the small desk where Maura had tucked away the letters. Rifling through until she found the next one, she quickly grabbed it and returned to the couch, sitting on the other end as Maura and propping her feet up on the coffee table. Maura's face fell slightly when Jane didn't resume her position with an arm wrapped around her but her smile grew when Jane placed a small pillow in her lap and patted it.

"Lie down," Jane smiled. "Prop your feet up over the arm so they stop aching like you deny they are."

Doing as instructed, Maura relaxed onto her back, gently placing her head on the pillow in Jane's lap and elevating her sore feet on the arm of the couch. Her body relaxed entirely when she felt one of Jane's hands begin to fiddle with a few blonde curls.

"So, uh, this letter is really stupid and personal," Jane admitted after she opened the envelope and quickly scanned the letter and refreshed her memory. "So don't judge, okay?"

"I would never," Maura promised as she closed her eyes, more for Jane's sake than her own.

"_Hey, Maura. Ma just left after doing her helicopter mom thing for what felt like hours. She came with, like, five different dishes all with instructions on how to bake them and then insisted on cleaning out my fridge, which turned to cleaning my entire kitchen. Then, of course, she had to tidy up my bathroom and my living room. I refused to let her into my bedroom bur she certainly tried. Finally I got her to leave, thank goodness. Don't get me wrong—I love Ma and she's a great mother. It just can get a bit much sometimes, ya know?_

_But here's the truth. I push Ma away and I tell people I don't need help but…Sometimes I really do want their help or for someone to take care of me. Not because they pity me or because I'm hurt and can't do it myself. No. That's the worst. What I want is for someone to take care of me because they care for me. Does that make sense? They don't have to give me a bath or make me breakfast in bed or clean my entire apartment. But…I dunno. Maybe it'd be nice to have someone comb my hair or cook me a nice meal or sit with me on the couch until I fall asleep and then tuck the covers around me. Just take care of me instead of me always taking care of others. It gets exhausting always being there for others. God. That sounds so fucking ridiculous. I'm a damn adult. I shouldn't want someone to tuck me in or anything stupid like that. What sucks is that I can't even blame these stupid thoughts on the damn pain killers since I've been trying not to take them. I'm not even going to show this to you but I'm still pretty fucking embarrassed at these thoughts.  
Jane."_

Jane put the letter back in the envelope and tossed it onto the coffee table.

"I know that we usually talk about these letters after I read them," Jane sighed as she kept her eyes away from Maura's face, terrified at what pity or judgment she might find. "But can we please not talk about this one?"

Instead of replying right away, Maura sat up and reached for the remote, handing it to Jane with a smile.

"I hear that there's a Red Sox documentary on tonight," she stated before once again relaxing her head onto the pillow still in Jane's lap.

* * *

Jane groaned as a particularly loud clap of thunder woke her from sleep. Opening her eyes, she noticed that she was still on the couch in Maura's living room, though instead of having her feet propped on the coffee table she was stretched out along the couch.

Jane couldn't help but smile as she noticed her new stuffed shark had been tucked underneath one of her arms and Maura had pulled Jane's favorite fleece blanket over her body. Though the living room was dark, Jane noticed a small notecard propped up against her empty beer bottle. She sat up and, after rubbing her eyes gently, grabbed the card.

_You fell asleep after the documentary and looked so content. I couldn't move you. I made sure that Dex was there to keep you company and covered you both with your favorite blanket. I've moved to my bedroom because I have a court appearance tomorrow and need plenty of REM sleep. You are more than welcome to join me, stay out here, or use the guest room. xo Maura_

Smiling, Jane grabbed Dex and, after placing her beer bottle in the recycling bin, padded upstairs. Gently opening Maura's bedroom door, she had to contain a laugh as she saw Maura snuggling with her own stuffed animal. She quietly changed out of her jeans and into a pair of basketball shorts, gingerly slipping onto what had become her side of the bed.

"Hi, there, Sleeping Beauty," Maura murmured, her voice thick with sleep.

"Hi," Jane whispered back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"S'okay," Maura replied as she reached behind her and blindly patted what she hoped was Jane's arm. "But I do need sleep so you and Dex better not hog all the covers," she added.

"We'd never do such a thing," Jane smiled.

A few silent moments passed and, as Jane watched Maura's shoulders to see if she had fallen asleep, she broke the silence.

"Hey, Maur?"

"Hmm?" came the doctor's sleepy reply.

"Can I put my arm around you?"

"You _can_," Maura teased, her sleep laden brain still able to correct grammar.

"_May_ I put my arm around you?"

For a response, Maura simply scooted backwards on the bed until her back met Jane's front, prompting the brunette to drape an arm over Maura's midsection and pull their bodies flush against each other.

"Thanks," Jane murmured before closing her eyes and falling into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

Maura's hair tickled Jane's nose the next morning as the doctor moved to shut her alarm clock off before it could grow too loud. Knowing that she had a court appearance that afternoon, Maura realized she needed to get out of bed to arrive at work a bit early and not fall behind. Yet when she made a move to slip from the bed, Jane's arm tightened around her waist.

"5 more minutes," Jane murmured as she kept Maura pulled against her.

"I have to get to headquarters early today to make up for my court appearance," Maura smiled, though her words were not truly meant as she allowed her body to relax against Jane's.

"We stay in our little bubble for 5 more minutes, then I will make you a cup of coffee while you shower. It all balances out," Jane replied.

"First you make me a lovely dinner and dessert, then you offer to make me coffee the morning after? You're quite the gentlewoman, Jane."

"Or maybe I'm just trying to butter you up," Jane teased.

"Butter me up?" Maura asked, wiggling her body to face Jane with the detective's arm still draped around her.

"Yeah, like, flatter you and stuff," Jane explained as she finally opened her eyes, smiling as she was greeted by Maura's own open eyes.

"Why would you feel the need to do such a thing?" Maura asked, her eyebrows furrowing slightly as she tried to imagine why Jane would feel the need to flatter her.

"You are quite possibly the only woman in the world who would question why someone wants to flatter them," Jane laughed. "Most would just accept the flattery and milk it for all its worth."

"I suppose that's true," Maura admitted. "But we both know that I am quite different from most other women. Most other people in general, actually," the doctor said, a twinge of sadness in her voice.

"Hey," Jane said as she moved her hand from where it was wrapped around Maura's waist to gently cup the doctor's cheek. "Different isn't inherently a bad thing. Personally, I like you better than most other people in general."

"I like you better than most other people, too," Maura smiled.

"Well, that's a relief," Jane smiled. "Alrighty, you go take your shower and I'll go figure out how to work your fancy coffee machine from the future."

"It is not from the future," Maura laughed as she slid from the bed, propping her stuffed elephant up against her pillow after she did so.

"So it's a Transformer?" Jane asked, a wide smile on her face.

Maura simply rolled her eyes dramatically at Jane before entering her en suite bathroom, the sound of the shower coming moments later.

* * *

When Maura returned to her house later that day, she was greeted by Jo Friday but Jane was nowhere in sight.

"Jane?" Maura called, checking the living room before walking up the stairs, opening the doors to the study, guest room, and her bedroom to find her house void of the detective.

The rational part of her brain seemed to shut off as worry took over Maura's mind. She wasn't afraid that Jane had been taken but, rather, Maura feared a complication had arisen with Jane's healing and the detective had to return the hospital.

But more than anything, Maura feared that Jane had left because of her. Because of the way she had encouraged Jane to hold her while sitting on the couch or the way she had eagerly scooted her body into Jane's embrace when the brunette joined her in bed. Maura was terrified that, in the light of day, Jane was regretting the progression in the friendship and had fled.

Trying to remain calm, Maura walked back down to her kitchen and pulled her cell phone from her purse, selecting her number one speed dial and hoping Jane would pick up.

Voicemail.

Taking a few deep breaths, Maura relaxed into one of the barstools in her kitchen, a hand coming to rest over her heart as she attempted to keep calm as self-doubt infiltrated her mind.

"Maura?"

Hearing her name, Maura's head spun towards the woman walking towards her kitchen.

"Jane!" Maura said, relief flooding her. "You're okay," she noted as she quickly looked over Jane.

"Uh, yeah, I am," Jane smiled as she set two paper bags onto Maura's counter. "I went out to the grocery store to get some stuff for dinner tonight," she explained as she pointed to the bags. "Did you think something happened?"

"I…Yes," Maura said shyly. "I suppose I thought you had gotten hurt or that you'd simply left."

"I'm sorry," Jane said as she noticed Maura looking down. "I didn't think you'd be home until a bit later. If I had known you were gonna be here this early, I woulda left a note or just waited to bring you to the store with me. Wait…" Jane trailed off, realizing what Maura had said. "Why did you think I'd leave?"

"It's silly," Maura said with a forced smile. "What are you thinking of making for dinner?"

"Maura, come on," Jane encouraged. "Why did you think I'd just up and leave?"

"I thought that…" Maura trailed off. "I just thought that maybe you were thinking about last night and this morning and were maybe regretting it. Regretting the new sort of physical aspect to our friendship."

"What? No," Jane said as she quickly walked to stand in front of Maura and grasp the hands that had begun to fidget with each other. "Maura, I know I'm not the most affectionate person in the world so I can see where you thought I'd freak out and stuff but ya gotta believe me when I say that is never something you have to worry about. I love our relationship. I love that we can be so comfortable with each other and just be Jane and Maura."

"I love it, too," Maura smiled as she felt Jane squeeze her hands.

"I'm glad," Jane stated before wrapping Maura in a quick hug. "Okay, so, the recipe I'm gonna try for dinner tonight is one where it needs to simmer on the stove for, like, an hour. Do you wanna help me prep stuff and then maybe we can read another letter? I'd say we could read it after dinner but there's a Die Hard marathon on tonight so…" she trailed off, grinning at Maura.

"I would love to help prepare dinner," Maura smiled, her heart fluttering at the simple domesticity she and Jane were sharing. "What are we having?" she asked as she slid from the barstool and moved to pull various items from the two bags.

"Since it's still kinda dreary out, I figured we could have a nice soup," Jane stated. "So I looked at what you had already and then just Googled what sort of soup I could make with those ingredients. Tonight we'll hopefully be enjoying a soup that's got a chicken stock base with some onions, diced tomatoes, various other herbs and spices, some white beans, and kale."

"That sounds lovely," Maura smiled.

"I also got some nice French bread for a side," Jane noted as she pulled the loaf from the bag. "While I was at the store I also got some other Rizzoli dinner essentials. I guess I'd forgotten how much I like cooking for others."

"Jane," Maura said with a gentle smile, causing Jane to quickly drop the kale she was holding onto the counter.

"Unless it was really stupid of me to assume I'd be staying here to make you dinners in the future," Jane said, suddenly nervous that she was inviting herself into Maura's home. "I just kinda really like hanging out here and treating you and I am really sorry if that was forward of me to assume."

"Jane," Maura repeats, this time with a soft laugh. "It was not stupid of you at all. I love that you're spending time here and that you're going out to the store and that you're treating me."

"You sure?"

"Positive," Maura confirms. "Now let's get this dinner started because I, for one, am starving."

Jane simply laughed as she pulled the recipe up on her laptop, turning Bruce Springsteen on like the night before, as she and Maura begin to prepare the soup. They spoke about Maura's court appearance, stories from the station, and anything else that came to their minds. The simplicity with which they fell into a routine was not surprising to either woman and they both embraced the bond they shared that they had both so desperately missed.

Just over half an hour later, they sat curled up on opposite ends of the couch with Maura's feet propped up in Jane's lap.

"Alrighty, you ready?" Jane asked, the hand not holding the letter resting on Maura's calf, rubbing gentle patterns over the slacks Maura had worn.

"Always," Maura smiled.

"_It hurts, Maura. My entire body feels like it's on fire but the only area I got shot was my gut. I moved to hang my jacket up after walking Jo and something must've moved or something because it hurts like hell. I wanna call you but my phone is still in my jacket pocket and I'm already in my bed. I can't fucking move but I wanna call you. No, I __need__ to call you. I know you'll spout some medical mumbo jumbo at me to make me feel better. Or you'll tell me if something is wrong and help me fix it. But I'm an idiot and didn't grab my phone before crawling my ass into bed. But it just hurt so much. The pain just exploded and I couldn't think. All I could do was stumble to my stupid bed. Thankfully I keep a notebook near my bed for late night detective shit so I can at least write to you. Shit, I hear my phone ringing and it's you calling. That damn funeral march ring tone sounds so ominous right now. You're probably calling on your lunch break or something. Why does it hurt so much? I talked to Ma while walking Jo so she's not gonna swing by for a visit or anything and you're at work and I can't move. Maura, I need you. Please, I dunno how but you need to realize something is off. Listen to your intestines or something and come over here. Please. I need your help."_

Jane didn't notice the tears that had formed in Maura's eyes as she folded the letter back up and slid it onto the coffee table, fighting the urge to start wringing her hands together at the weakness she had written about.

"How many times…" Maura trailed off, her voice cracking before she could continue.

"How many times what?" Jane asked, placing her other hand on Maura's calf to offer comfort to the blonde who she now noticed was distressed.

"How many times did you need me and I wasn't there?"

"Oh, Maura," Jane sighed as she saw a tear slip from Maura's eye.

"You needed me, Jane," Maura stated as she angrily wiped the tear from her face. "You needed me and I wasn't there for you."

"Well, I didn't exactly tell you that I needed you," Jane tried to soothe.

"I should have known!" Maura said, pain and frustration clear in her voice as she pulled her legs away from Jane.

"How, Maura? How could you have known?"

"I don't know how I could have but I should have," Maura said, the dam of emotions in her threatening to burst. "I should have known you were in pain! I should have known you needed help! I should have known!"

"Maura, please, don't beat yourself up over this. I didn't mean to hurt you with that letter. Really, I don't want you to hate yourself," Jane said scooting closer to Maura.

"No!" Maura said, quickly rising to her feet. "I…I should hate myself," Maura thought out loud. "My best friend shot herself in the gut and I should have been a better friend than I was! I should have come over sooner with lunch to talk about what happened! I should have never let you stop returning my calls and texts! I should have known you were in pain or having nightmares and offered you some sort of comfort! I should have told you how I felt about you!"

Jane sat on the couch, unable to process Maura's pained expression, hurt voice, and eyes glassy with tears threatening to spill.

"I need air," Maura said softly, as though a realization had hit her. "Please," she said as she saw Jane move to stand up. "Just let me go."

* * *

**So, maybe I'm an evil human being for ending this here but I wanted to get it up for you rather than make ya'll wait another day for an update. Plus, I really just wanna torture you. Also! I'm going to Toronto, Canada for 10 days (June 30th-July 9th) for a Lions Club International Convention. I will be bringing my laptop with me to write but just beware that those 10 days might only bring 1 (maybe 2) updates since I'll be working as a guide for my dad (he's blind so it's up to me to make sure he gets where he needs to be and stuff) as well as attending the conference.**

**Love to hear your thoughts or suggestions for future letters!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I have arrived safely in Toronto, Canada! My brother and I stayed up all night (until we left our house at 7:30am) so we could just crash in the 8 hour car ride so I had some time to write. I've got a few more letter ideas planed out but I can't estimate my next update since the next week is going to be filled with escorting my father around the city and the convention (he is blind) and also finding some me time.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

After proving to the guard that she was, in fact, a police officer who could be trusted with the high tech equipment, Jane found herself pushing open a heavy door to the BCU rooftop observatory. Tugging her leather jacket tighter around her body, she guided the door closed as quietly as possible. When she turned around, she was thankful that, even though the summer was coming to a close, the days were still long enough to keep a warm glow over the city. If they hadn't been, she would have missed the golden curls sitting on a bench to the far left of the roof.

Taking a deep breath and saying a silent prayer that Maura wouldn't hate her for finding her, Jane silently walked to the bench and sat down on the end, a safe distance from the doctor.

"Did you have Detective Frost track my location?" Maura asked, wiping tear tracks from her cheeks.

"No," Jane answered.

"Did you track my location?"

"No," Jane repeated.

"Then how did you find me?" Maura asked, keeping her head angled down and away from Jane's gaze.

"You mentioned that this place was a safe haven for you while you were a student," Jane said. "You told me about how you loved to come up here for your lunch breaks or at night if you couldn't sleep or if you were stuck on a particularly tough assignment. I guessed that you still came here even after graduation and, well, I guess I was right," Jane explained. "The view is gorgeous."

"When I was a student I used to come up here and find my cosmic insignificance terrifying," Maura stated as she lifted her head to look out at the Boston skyline in the sunlight just beginning to set. "I would see not only the entire city of Boston and be reminded that I was only one person, but at night I could see the stars and other planets which served to remind me that I am far more insignificant than I could put into words. It was…Overwhelming."

"Yeah, that is a bit terrifying to realize," Jane said as she looked at Maura, her heart swelling as she saw the way the sun danced on Maura's skin and curls.

"But now that I've grown older, I come here and I find solace in my cosmic insignificance," Maura sighed.

"How so?"

"I am one lone organism in a universe with innumerable other organisms," Maura stated, trying to put her thoughts into words. "I am a virtual no one. So what does it matter what I do?" Maura asked. "If I am so insignificant, then my actions will have no effect on the rest of the universe. I could do whatever I felt like and the effect on the universe would be…Nothing. It is soothing to think of, I think. Freeing."

"Soothing, maybe," Jane replied. "But wrong."

"Wrong?" Maura asked, eyes locking on to a boat moving slowly down the water and never leaving, certain that if she looked at Jane she would break.

"You aren't a virtual no one," Jane smiled.

"Jane, relative to the rest of the universe I am," Maura tried to counter.

"Well, I don't really care about the rest of the universe," Jane countered with equal vigor. "All I care about is my universe."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me," Maura said, her voice cracking as a few tears fell from her eyes.

"But you were," Jane said. "You were there when I needed someone to save Frankie. You were there when we were being held in the morgue and, when I was trying to talk to Bobby, your hand never left my shoulder because you knew I needed strength. You were there after I shot myself when I needed someone to keep me calm and stem the blood flow."

"But-"

"And you were there when I couldn't sleep because of Hoyt," Jane continued. "You were there to make sure I slept and ate and didn't eat my gun. Every night I've stressed over a case until the entire station was empty, you were there to either drive me home or let me crash at your place. Whenever I needed a laugh or a rant session, you were there, Maura."

Maura remained silent as she attempted to ignore the pounding in her chest or the tears that continue to drip from her eyes.

"Can I ask you something?" Jane asked.

"Of course," Maura sniffled.

"Back at your house you said…You said you should have told me how you felt about me," Jane began as she ran a hand through her hair. "What did you mean?"

"Do you want to know what flashed through my mind when you were lying on the sidewalk and we were waiting for help?" Maura asked.

"What?"

"Images of you," Maura stated. "But they weren't memories. They were images of things that I…We, would never experience. Images that, as a best friend, I shouldn't have had."

"What does that mean?" Jane asked, anxious to hear Maura's explanation.

"The images I saw in my mind as you were lying on the sidewalk, bleeding out…" Maura said, her breath hitching as she remembered that moment. "I imagined what it might be like to hold you in a way far more than as a friend. I imagined what it might be like to kiss you, to touch you, to feel you. I imagined what you might look like on our wedding day or holding our child."

"Maura," Jane said softly.

"Jane, I love you," Maura interrupted, finally turning to face Jane a mixture of fear and relief in her eyes. "And I know that's ludicrous of me to feel and say and I am so sorry."

"What was I wearing?" Jane whispered, a soft smile on her face.

"What do you mean?" Maura asked, utterly confused why Jane would choose to ask about clothing after her confession.

"When you imagined our wedding day, what was I wearing?"

"Does it matter?" Maura asked, hating herself for allowing hope for her and Jane to enter her life.

"Kinda," Jane smiled as she scooted closer to Maura.

"Why?" Maura asked, noting that the detective was entering her personal bubble.

"Because I really don't wanna wear a dress because all eyes should be on you but I think a Red Sox jersey might be a bit too tacky," Jane smiled as she slowly wove a hand through the hair at the base of Maura's neck. "Maybe I could wear a nice white tux with some Red Sox underwear?" she thought out loud.

"Jane, what are you-"

"I love you, too," Jane interrupted.

And then she kissed Maura.

And, although she could taste the salt of Maura's tears and Jane was certain she tasted of the sugar and beer cookies she had eaten while trying to locate Maura, both women would have categorized the kiss as nothing less than perfect.

It was soft and laden with emotions, not fiery and explosive like they both had imagined their first kiss might be. Their heads tilted as though they had kissed hundreds of times before, yet there was trepidation both women felt as they committed to memory the feeling of such a tender display of emotions.

"Wow," Maura breathed when she pulled away to fill her lungs with oxygen, though she kept her forehead pressed to Jane's.

"Yeah," Jane smiled before pressing a quick, soft kiss to Maura's lips. "I think that's the best word to describe that."

"Jane, please don't tell me that you're going to regret this tomorrow," Maura said, self-doubt creeping into her mind. "Please don't tell me that you've only said the things you said because you're a brilliant detective and know those things are what I wanted to hear."

"I could never regret this," Jane said confidently as she used her free hand to cup Maura's cheek and force the doctor to look into her eyes. "I said the things I said because they're true and because I really don't wanna go another day without you knowing how integral you are to me. How absolutely, positively significant you are to my universe."

"Oh, Jane," Maua smiled before wrapping her arms around the detective's neck, burying her face into the crook of her neck.

"I love you, Maura," Jane murmured as she moved to wrap her arms around the doctor, holding her tightly. "And I promise that I'm gonna do my best to make sure you never doubt that and feel loved every day."

"You always make me feel loved," Maura admitted, her head still buried in Jane's neck.

"Well, guess you're gonna have to get used to feeling extra loved," Jane smiled.

"I love you," Maura smiled as she pulled her head from its resting place to meet Jane's gaze.

"I love you, too," Jane grinned.

"Jane, did you bring that picnic basket?" Maura asked, catching a glimpse of a basket sitting next to the bench.

"Oh, yeah," Jane laughed as she turned her neck to look at the basket she had brought. "By the time I'd stopped freaking out that you'd run off and made my guess as to where you were, the soup was done. I found the basket in your front closet. So I put some into your gigantic thermos, cut up some of the bread, threw some cookies into the basket, and really hoped that you'd be here."

Maura looked up at Jane, pure happiness in her eyes as she saw Jane's sheepish smile.

"If you'd prefer to go back to your place and eat, we can do that, though," Jane added.

"No, let's stay here," Maura smiled. "I've never eaten a meal with anyone but professors up here," she admitted.

"No hot dates were brought up here?" Jane chuckled as she reached behind her and pulled the picnic basket to sit in front of her and Maura.

"Never," Maura admitted. "Is the blue checkered blanket still in the basket?" she asked.

"Yeah, but we can stay on the bench if you'd like," Jane replied.

"That's the exact same blanket I've used since I was a student," Maura smiled. "Perhaps we could lay it out and sit on it? Unless your abdomen would be bothered by that."

"It's fine," Jane smiled as she pulled the blanket from the basket and held it out to Maura. "How about you go set the blanket up in the best spot for a picnic and I'll follow."

Nodding, Maura stood up and walked towards the center of the roof, a spot she had spent so many hours at as a student and young adult. She opened the blanket and spread it out on the rooftop, thankful that she had worn slacks so she could sit comfortably on the rooftop.

"This is a perfect spot," Jane commented as she sat cross legged next to Maura, tilting her body slightly to face the doctor. "Thank you for not hating me for invading your safe space," she smiled as she began to unpack the dinner she had packed.

"Jane, _you_ are my safe space. It only makes sense that you are welcome here," Maura smiled.

"I like hearing that," Jane admitted as she began to pull the items from the basket: a thermos with soup, a Tupperware container with several slices of bread, another container with cookies, and two beers. "Mora than I like hearing that you love me."

"Really?" Maura asked as she reached for the thermos and unscrewed the cap, pouring some of the soup into the lid that doubled as a bowl.

"Yeah," Jane said. "I guess I've heard a ton of people throw the word love around like it's nothing or just a word they can use to get whatever they want. I mean, I like hearing you say you love me and I absolutely plan to tell you that I love you ever day but hearing you say that I'm your safe space…Its nice."

"I'll keep that in mind," Maura replied as she handed the lid filled with soup to Jane, a spoon placed in the lid.

"I put a mug in the basket for one of us to use as a make-shift bowl," Jane noted when she saw Maura hadn't poured herself any soup.

"Oh, thank you," Maura said as she pulled a large mug from the basket and poured herself some of the homemade soup. "Salute," she grinned as she lifted the mug into the air in a mock toast before dipping the spoon in and taking a sip.

"Good?" Jane asked before taking her own spoonful of soup.

"It's delicious," Maura smiled. "Really, Jane, you have no need to be so self-conscious about your cooking. You are quite talented and I've only had two of your dishes, three if you count the cookies."

"It's just been a while since I've cooked anything substantial so I'm worried I'll be a bit rusty," Jane admitted. "But this soup is really good. I mean, don't tell anyone that I'm willingly eating kale, but I enjoy it."

"It can be our little secret," Maura teased. "If we ever make this again, we could maybe add in some seasoned chicken breast or nice Italian sausage," she added after another spoonful.

"Agreed."

A comfortable silence fell over the women, occasionally broken by soft laughter as one caught the other staring at them with a grin.

Finally, both women had finished their serving of soup and bread and, since Maura assumed she and Jane would be leaving soon, the doctor's eyebrows furrowed when Jane pulled her leather jacket off and bunched it into a ball.

"Come here," Jane beckoned as she laid down completely, using her bunched up jacket as a makeshift pillow and opening her arms to encourage Maura to use her as a pillow.

"It has been a while since I've been stargazing," Maura stated as she did as Jane encouraged and laid on her back, resting her head on Jane's shoulder with both of their gazes on the now dark sky.

"Well, you still probably know more about stars and constellations and stuff than me," Jane smiled as she turned to place a soft kiss to the side of Maura's head.

As if given permission, Maura began to happily point out the constellations and individual stars she could identify, a smile on her face as she felt Jane pull her close.

* * *

Several people had noticed the smile that never seemed to leave Maura's face as she worked around the morgue and a few had even asked what had put the smile on her face. Her reply was always the same.

"I just feel happier than I've felt in quite some time."

The smile grew when she, just as she was about to print her final report to close out the case, Frost came down to the morgue to invite her to join he and Korsak for dinner at The Dirty Robber. They each had a bit more paperwork to complete and agreed to meet in their usual booth later that evening.

Maura quickly signed off on her report, slipped it into her outgoing mailbox, and pulled her cellphone from her purse as she walked towards her Prius.

"Hey!" Jane smiled as she picked up her cellphone, tying Maura's fluffy robe around her after stepping from the shower.

"Hi," Maura replied. "You sound happy."

"You do, too," Jane grinned. "I took Jo out for a jog and just got out of your shower. Which is really freaking amazing, by the way."

"I told you it was but you always made fun of me for splurging," Maura laughed as she slid into her car. "Have you started dinner yet?"

"Who said I was gonna make you dinner?" Jane teased.

"Well, weren't you?"

"Yeah," the detective laughed. "But no, I haven't started it yet. Why?"

"We've just closed a case," Maura began as she pulled out of the parking garage and began to drive to her house. "Barry invited me to join he and Vince at The Dirty Robber for dinner and a drink."

"And you're asking my permission to go?" Jane asked.

"No," Maura laughed. "I'm asking if you'd like to join us. I know it's been quite some time since you've seen either of them and I am sure they would love to see you."

"Maura, I dunno," Jane said. "I've barely spoken to them since the incident and I don't wanna intrude. You guys are the ones who solved the case."

"Jane," Maura stated firmly. "It doesn't matter that they are the ones who solved the case or that you haven't spoken to them very much. Vince and Barry are your friends just as much as they are your co-workers. I am certain they would be ecstatic to see you."

"Okay," Jane said softly. "Just let me get dressed and I'll head over there."

"I'm on my way home to pick you up," Maura stated.

"What, don't trust me to drive the Mercedes anymore?" Jane laughed.

"No," Maura said with a soft shrug. "I just really want to give you a kiss and feel that would be more appropriate to do in my home than in front of friends."

"Drive faster!" Jane commanded with a laugh.

"See you soon," Maura grinned before ending the call and pushing down just a bit harder on the gas pedal.

Jane was in the bathroom blow drying her hair when Maura arrived back at her house and, not wanting to wait to see her favorite detective, Maura simply entered her en suite bathroom and slipped her arms around Jane's waist.

"Jesus!" Jane laughed as she nearly dropped the blow dryer.

"Well, hello to you, too," Maura smiled as she rested her chin on Jane's shoulder and looked at the detective's reflection appreciatively. "You look divine in this shirt," she complimented as she noted the deep red silk blouse she had purchased for Jane just before the shooting that was tucked into a pair of jeans.

"Thanks," Jane smiled as she set the blow dryer down onto the counter and placed her arms over Maura's. "You bought it for me so I figured you'd like how it looked."

"If only you would let me dress you more often," Maura said dreamily.

"Maybe," Jane laughed. "You gonna let me turn around so you can give me that kiss you said you really wanted to give me?"

With that, Maura loosened her arms slightly to allow Jane to turn around and wrap her own arms around Maura's neck.

"Is it super cheesy of me to say that I missed you today?" Maura asked with a shy smile.

"If it is, then we're both pretty cheesy because I missed you, too," Jane replied. "I just wanted to keep you trapped in bed with me all day so we can catch up on the years' worth of kisses we've missed out on."

"That's a lot of kisses," Maura teased.

"I know," Jane shrugged before capturing Maura's lips in a kiss. No matter how many kisses they had shared the night before and the morning before Maura left for work, the doctor was still pleasantly surprised at Jane's kisses. They were perfect, she would insist, but not dominating or fierce as she thought they might be. There was a tenderness in Jane's lips that melted Maura's heart and the way that Jane would press quick kisses to Maura's lips in between deeper ones or just before pulling away made her weak in the knees.

"You are a very excellent kisser, Detective," Maura breathed after Jane placed a few quick pecks to the doctor's lips, signaling that she was done kissing for now.

"Why, thank you," Jane smirked. "You wanna head out or keep kissing me?"

"Mmm, as much as I love the idea of the latter, I am quite hungry and don't want to keep Vince and Barry waiting. But after dinner…" she trailed off, arching her eyebrow at Jane.

"I am gonna eat so freakin' fast, I promise," Jane said, eager to get home and continue to show Maura just how deeply she loved her.

"No, you will not," Maura chastised as she pulled away from Jane's embrace and quickly grasped one of Jane's hands in her own. "Because then you will feel ill and I will not kiss anyone if there is a chance they will vomit," she explained as she and Jane began to walk towards the front door.

"Yeah, vomit generally is a turn off," Jane agreed as they stopped at the front door for Jane to pull her boots on. "Can I drive the Mercedes?" she asked, a smile on her face.

"Of course," Maura smiled, pulling the keys from where they hung and handing them to Jane.

Pumping her fist in the air, Jane quickly kissed Maura before tugging her hand towards the Mercedes, already hitting the button on the key ring to roll down the top of the car.

Jane's fingers remained laced with Maura's the entire ride to The Dirty Robber, both women smiling at the sensation as well as their hair that blew as Jane drove.

"I've got a question for you," Jane said after they had pulled into the parking lot and rolled the hood to the car back up.

"And what would it be?" Maura asked.

"Are we…" Jane said, uncertain as to how best to ask the question. "Are we telling people about whatever it is that's going on between us? Or am I gonna have to make it through the next couple hours without touching you?"

"What do you mean when you say 'whatever it is that's going on between us?'" Maura asked. "And at every dinner you've always found a way to touch me. A hand at my back, leg brushing mine, things such as that."

"You know what I mean," Jane said. "Like, holding your hand or giving you a kiss or something. Is that okay?"

"I am perfectly okay with that," Maura smiled as she squeezed Jane's hand. "But you also need to be okay with that. You need to be okay with telling your co-workers about us before you tell your mother or any other family member. You need to feel comfortable just as much as I need to feel comfortable."

"I feel more comfortable about you and I than I've felt about almost any other thing in my life," Jane admitted.

"I'm glad," Maura smiled. "Now, tell me what you meant when you said 'whatever it is that's going on between us.' Are you not aware of what is going on between us?"

"Oh, I am very aware of the things that have gone on between us," Jane smiled. "I just…Are we seeing each other? Are we girlfriends? Lovers?"

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?" Maura asked.

"Fuck, yeah," Jane laughed.

"Then that is what we will be," Maura stated. "How about we let Barry and Vince know tonight and then if it isn't too late when we're done, we can swing by your parents place and tell them so they don't hear from another source."

"That's why you're the brains of this relationship," Jane smirked.

"And you're the brawns," Maura laughed. "You ready to head inside? I see Barry's car so he and Vince are probably already waiting."

"I'm craving a burger so let's get this going!"

Laughing, Maura slid from her car and quickly walked to Jane's side, reclaiming the detective's hand as they entered the restaurant, immediately spotting Frost and Korsak in their typical booth.

"Look what the cat dragged in!" Korsak smiled as he saw Jane, standing up to give her a proper greeting. "You're looking good, Rizzoli."

"Thanks, old man," Jane laughed as she let go of Maura's hand to accept Korsak's hug. "Hey, partner," she greeted Frost as he, too, gave her a brief hug. "You guys already order drinks?"

"Nah, we were waiting for the doc," Korsak said.

"I'll get 'em," Jane said. "You want red or white wine?" she asked Maura who had slid into the booth.

"I'll have whatever you all are having," Maura smiled, using the knowledge that Jane found her drinking beer an attractive sight to her advantage.

Shaking her head, Jane walked up to the bar and ordered four beers, making small talk with the bartender who she hadn't seen in weeks.

Back at the table, Korsak made no attempt to ease into a conversation.

"So, I noticed you and Jane were holding hands when you walked in," he stated simply.

"Good eye, Sergeant Detective Korsak," Maura smiled.

"And she's starting to use Jane's sense of humor," Frost noted as he laughed.

"Is there something we should know?" Korsak asked.

"I think we should perhaps wait until Jane is back to make any sort of announcement but, since you are both highly intelligent men, I think you might be able to deduce what the announcement might be," Maura said.

"You makin' an announcement without me?" Jane asked as she slid into the booth, setting the beer bottles down onto the table for everyone to grab.

"No," Maura stated as she turned to face Jane. "I was simply telling Vince and Barry that I wanted to wait until you were back to make any announcement but that I had faith in their powers of deduction to figure out what we might announce."

"Eh, I dunno," Jane said as she looked at the two men sitting across the booth. "Sometimes I think they hand out those gold shields to anyone who asks."

"Hey!" Korsak said, feigning offense.

"I totally earned the shield," Frost added.

"Wanna really weird those idiots out?" Jane whispered as she turned to Maura.

"What do you mean?" Maura asked, but the words had barely left her mouth when Jane quickly tilted her head down to place a kiss to Maura's lips, their teeth clinking together as they laughed when both men began to make gagging noises.

* * *

"I'm so glad that Vince and Barry took our announcement well," Maura mused as she laid on her side tucked against Jane who was laying on her back.

"And I'm really freaking glad my parents took it well," Jane added. "I mean, the whole Italian Catholic thing could have gone horribly wrong but I think they saw how happy you make me and support my happiness more than some 2,000 year old book."

"I will always support your happiness," Maura stated as she began to trace idle patterns over Jane's abdomen, the thin t-shirt cool beneath her fingers.

"Right back at ya," Jane smiled as she squeezed Maura quickly. "You wanna read another letter before we head to sleep? I think this one is a short one if I remember correctly."

"Sure," Maura smiled. "Do you already have it?"

"Yep," Jane stated as she unwrapped her arm from around Maura and opened the envelope, quickly embracing Maura once again. "You promise not to run off?" Jane asked, pinching Maura's shoulder to let her know it was a joke.

"Promise," Maura said confidently.

"_I saw you today, Maura. You came over to my place with a get well card and a smile. I've gotten a crap ton of get well cards but I think yours made me smile the biggest. It had a turtle on the cover (and I know it's a turtle since there was a pond in the background of the drawing and turtles live in water while tortoises live on land) and the little guy had a cast on one of his stubby little legs and had a thermometer in his mouth. I couldn't help but imagine Bass like that. The inside of the card said "Slow and steady may win the race but I really hope your healing picks up its pace!" You wrote such a kind message and didn't try to call me a hero or guilt trip me. You just offered to help me in any way I wanted and then signed it 'Maura and Bass.' I love that. I set the card on my nightstand to look at.  
I almost gave you the letters I've written. I came so close. But then I chickened out. The hero cop Jane Rizzoli is scared of the medical examiner Maura Isles. Which I guess makes sense since you could probably kill someone and leave absolutely no evidence behind. A lethal weapon is what you are, that's for sure.  
I guess I'm just scared that you'll judge me or something. Or that you'll learn about my nightmares and my secrets and then just up and leave. Or sell them to someone or blackmail me. Which is stupid but I'm still scared. I can't lose you, Maura. From the very first time we met, your friendship has meant so, so much to me. Scratch that. It means so much to me—present tense.  
Love, Jane."_

"Your friendship means so much to me, too," Maura smiled before turning off the bedside lamp and snuggling deep into Jane's embrace.

"I mean what I wrote," Jane stated. "Your friendship means so much to me and if, for some reason this relationship doesn't work out, I promise to work my ass off so we can still be friends. Maybe not LLBFFs or whatever but friends at the least."

"I promise that, too," Maura said as she resumed tracing patterns over Jane's abdomen. "Although, and forgive me if this is too presumptuous, I believe that this relationship will last for quite some time."

"Forever," Jane stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Maura…" she sighed when she felt the doctor's soft hand slip beneath the hem of her t-shirt to rest on Jane's abdomen.

"Is this too much?" Maura asked, lifting her head up to look at Jane's face and noticing that the brunette's eyes had closed.

"It's just…" Jane murmured, her once fully relaxed body tense.

"The scar, I know," Maura said gently. "Does it hurt?"

"No," Jane replied with a soft shake of her head. "It's really ugly, though. Makes me feel uncomfortable to see it, I guess."

"May I try something?" Maura asked softly. "I promise I will stop if you say so."

"I guess," Jane allowed.

Smiling, Maura bent her head down and kissed Jane gently, pouring as much love into her kiss as she possibly could. Her hand remained in the center of Jane's abdomen, her fingers moving slightly. When Jane began to reciprocate the kiss fully and begin relax, Maura tentatively traced Jane's bottom lip with her tongue. Up until now their kisses had been gentle and tongues had remained in respective mouths and Maura was glad when Jane parted her lips a bit more to allow Maura's tongue to slide into the detective's mouth.

When Maura's tongue was granted access into Jane's mouth, the doctor slowly slid her hand so her palm rested on the puckered skin where a bullet had blasted through Jane. She sighed into Jane's mouth when the detective seemed oblivious to where the doctor's hand now rested. The kiss continued, warm tongues sliding against each other until the women grew breathless and separated, their foreheads resting against each other.

"I love you," Jane breathed with a soft smile on her lips.

"I love you, too," Maura smiled. "And I love this scar," she said as she put a bit of pressure onto Jane's abdomen, chuckling at Jane's shocked expression. "Didn't realize where my hand was?" she asked.

"No," Jane laughed. "Your kisses are very good distractions."

"I understand what it's like to feel self-conscious about parts of your body," Maura admitted. "But your scar, however horrible the memories are that come with it, is a beautiful reminder of your selflessness, your bravery, and dedication to those you love."

"Beautiful isn't the word I'd use but thank you," Jane said with a soft smile.

"Beautiful is the exact word I would use," Maura countered. "Maybe not in a conventional sense but this scar is visually appealing because it is a part of your body. And your body appeals to me very, very much."

"Just wait until we get nakey," Jane teased with a waggle of her eyebrow.

"I can't wait," Maura grinned as she pressed her lips to Jane's for a soft kiss. "But if you ever refer to that as 'get nakey' again, it might never happen."

"Fun sucker," Jane muttered with a dramatic pout.

"You love me," Maura beamed as she resumed her relaxed position snuggled up to Jane with her head resting on Jane's shoulder.

"I do," Jane smiled. "But! Why'd you say you know what it's like to feel self-conscious about parts of your body? I mean, have you looked in a mirror?"

"I have," Maura laughed softly. "But I suppose the cliché saying is true and I am truly my own worst enemy."

"Tell me what it is you don't like about yourself," Jane encouraged as she began to run her hand through Maura's hair.

"I'd rather not," Maura said softly as she pulled her hand away from Jane's scar and wrapped her arm around Jane's midsection, nearly clinging to Jane. "Please?" she added softly.

"Hey, we don't gotta talk about anything you don't want to," Jane soothed as she placed a lingering kiss to the crown of Maura's head. "But if you ever wanna talk, you know I'm all ears."

"I know," Maura sighed. "I love you," she said softly as she began to feel sleep pull at her brain.

"I love you, too," Jane whispered as she noticed the exhaustion in Maura's voice. "Let's get some sleep, Maur. I've got lots of kisses planned for us tomorrow that are gonna require some serious energy."

* * *

**I hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter! Not my best work, I know, but I wanted to get something up for you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hiya! I'm hoping ya'll are enjoying this. I know that some of you said it seems rushed for Jane and Maura to be in this relationship and I do apologize for that.**

**I will probably be bumping the rating up to T just because things get a bit steamy here (steamy isn't even the right word. Foggy maybe? Hah).**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

It had been a relatively slow, death free day which meant Maura was going over the weekly inventory in her office, soft African tribal music playing from the work she had once done on the continent. Jane had joined her on a morning jog and she still felt the high from both the endorphins and the feeling of racing Jane back to her house, the detective beating her by a few seconds and demanding kisses as her prize.

Lost in the memory, Maura almost missed the text message coming from the woman she had been thinking of.

_How's work going? Busy?_

Smiling, Maura quickly unlocked her phone and typed up a response.

_No new bodies so I am simply going over inventory and other tasks like that. How are you doing?_

_Currently about to pounce on Officer Jenkins at the front desk cuz he's not letting me down to see my girlfriend because Cav took my badge to make sure I stayed on leave. _

_Wait. You're upstairs? Upstairs at headquarters?_

_Yeah, trying to bring my girlfriend lunch but since everyone is still on high alert from the siege, I can't get in without my badge or someone coming up to vouch for me._

Laughing, Maura quickly left her office and made her way to the elevator, riding it up to the lobby where Jane was staring down a young officer.

"See?" Jane said to the young officer as she pointed to Maura who was walking over to her. "Did you really think I was gonna pull some sorta stunt?"

"No, but things are a bit tight here after the incident. I trust you, Detective Rizzoli," the young man said nervously. "But I also really don't wanna get on anyone's bad side for breaking protocol."

"Thank you for your dedication," Maura smiled before Jane could make a comeback. "Detective Rizzoli will be my guest for the lunch hour," she added as she signed her name next to Jane's in the guestbook.

"Thanks, Doctor Isles," the officer smiled. "I'll, uh, see you later Detective Rizzoli," he stammered as Jane gave him one last glare.

"Come on," Maura laughed as she hooked her arm with Jane's and began to tug her towards the elevator. "He's just doing his job."

"He's just annoying me," Jane grumbled, noticing that her frustration was dissipating just being near Maura. "Thank you for coming to my rescue."

"Thank you for bringing lunch," Maura smiled as they stepped into the elevator. "What are we having?"

"Nothing fancy," Jane shrugged. "I just used some of the stuff you had in your fridge. Which means there's a wheat wrap with that fancy turkey, some Swiss cheese, lettuce, and tomato. I also found your secret stash of sea salt and vinegar chips so I brought some of those, too," Jane said as they reached the basement floor.

"You are spoiling me," Maura laughed as they reached her office and she quickly shut the door behind them. "Really, you shouldn't feel the need to do this for me."

"Well, I don't do it because I feel like I need to," Jane explained as she sat down on the couch in Maura's office and pulled the two wraps and Ziploc bag of chips from the paper bag she'd brought them in. "I do it because I care about you and want to show you just as much as I want to tell you how much I love you. Plus, what else am I gonna do? Teach Bass to play fetch?"

"You could certainly try," Maura laughed as she pulled the blinds closed before sitting next to Jane. "Maybe try with his strawberries, though. He might be more inclined to chase after those more than a ball."

"I'll keep that in mind," Jane smirked. "I don't think I've properly greeted you yet so, hello," she said before placing a quick kiss to Maura's lips.

"Hi," Maura smiled. "I love those kind of kisses," she mused.

"What kinda kisses?" Jane asked.

"The kind that are quick and simple," Maura said sheepishly. "I love the deeper ones, of course, but when you simply kiss me quickly hello or goodbye, it feels like…" she trailed off, attempting to find the best way to describe the kisses. "It feels like forever," she finally decided on. "Like those kisses are the kind that are going to become a staple in our lives and our future together."

"Well, I certainly hope they're gonna become a staple," Jane smiled as she handed Maura her wrap. "Along with lots of other types of kisses, of course," she added as she bit into her own wrap.

"I'm a sucker for neck kisses," Maura thought out loud as she began to eat her lunch.

"What do you mean by 'sucker for'?" Jane asked, a glint in her eyes.

"They do things to me," Maura said, seemingly oblivious to the way Jane was looking at her. "There is a certain part of my neck that, when kissed properly, makes me so incredibly aroused."

"Okay, you can't just say that stuff while we're in your office!" Jane whined as she watched Maura take a bite of her wrap.

"Why not?" Maura asked after swallowing her bite.

"Because now all I wanna do is perform a thorough investigation on your neck to find that certain part that makes you all weak in the knees," Jane laughed.

"Well, maybe if we keep our fingers crossed there will be no murders and I will be able to make it home quickly tonight," Maura teased.

"I swear that if you just jinxed us and a murder gets called in, I am gonna be so not happy with you," Jane mock threatened.

"But you'd still love me, right?"

"Without a doubt," Jane smiled. "Oh, uh, I also brought a letter if you wanted. I dunno why but I've kinda started to really enjoy reading them to you."

"I've started to really enjoy listening to them," Maura stated. "Once we both finish our wraps we can maybe snuggle on the couch for a few minutes?"

"Deal," Jane grinned.

As arranged, both women finished their lunch with idle chit chat about whatever came to mind and then Jane pulled Maura flush against her side on the couch, smiling as Maura kicked her heels off and tucked her feet under her.

"I love how comfortable you make me feel," Jane explained as she saw Jane smiling at her lack of footwear. "Both physically and emotionally," she added as she leaned her head onto Jane's shoulder.

"Well, Jo always likes to use me as a pillow so I guess you're not the only one who thinks I'm comfy," Jane shrugged as she wrapped an arm around Maura's shoulders. "Don't tell Jo this, but I prefer you using me as a pillow over her using me as a pillow."

"My lips are sealed," Maura laughed.

"Ya ready?"

"Mmhmmm," Maura nodded with a smile.

"_Hey, Maura. So, I'm watching this weird TV show about people who have tacky or ugly tattoos that they regret or wish were less ugly. They talk about the tattoos and then get them covered up by these super talented tattoo artists. Some of the transformations are amazing. Like, holy shit those guys are talented artists. This show has been on a marathon all day so I've been thinking about what sort of tattoo I'd get if I ever got a tattoo. Which really means that I've been thinking about what sort of tattoo you'd get if you ever got one. I can see you getting something like the chemical symbol for serotonin somewhere discreet. Like your own personal stash of happiness that only you know about. Or maybe you'd get a quote from Shakespeare. I read Shakespeare in high school but I don't think I'd get anything from him. He's great and I like that his works are still relatable today but there were other writers I enjoyed more. Oh! I can see you getting something like a really basic map of the world. Like, just the outlines of all the continents. You've traveled so much already and I know you wanna travel even more and the world just fascinates you so much. It seems fitting that you'd have a map on your shoulder blade or something. God. Why is it easier to think of what you'd get than to think of what I'd get? It would need to mean something to me. Like, nothing random like a potato or something. But I would never do a significant other's name or anything. Even if we were married I just don't think I could do that. I've always liked the idea of maybe getting a compass. Compasses always will point north no matter what. They always sek out true north kinda like I'm always seeking the truth as a detective. It's cheesy but they've fascinated me since I was younger. I'd always look at antique maps just to find the compass and see what it looked like._

_I think we'd look pretty badass with tattoos, don't ya think?_

_Miss you,  
Jane."_

"So, obviously not all the letters are super deep or anything," Jane chuckled as she tossed the letter onto the small table in front of her and tugged Maura closer to her.

"I like that," Maura smiled. "I like that we can talk about things that are very personal and things that are more superficial," Maura said.

"But seriously, Maur. We'd look pretty freakin' badass with tattoos, don't you think?"

"I've always liked the idea of getting a tattoo, though I'm not sure badass is how I would look," Maura mused as she took Jane's hand that was not wrapped around her and laced their fingers together.

"What would you get?"

"There are a few ideas I'm fond of," Maura said. "An anatomically correct heart is an option because I remember being very little and seeing a drawing of a human heart and deciding that I would go into medicine. But there is a Maya Angelou poem that I am quite fond of that I also think I would like to pay homage to. Your idea of getting a rough map with simple outlines of every continent sounds promising, though. I like that."

"What's the poem you like?" Jane asked with a smile.

"It is called Phenomenal Woman," Maura answered. "There are four lines repeated throughout the poem that read 'Cause I'm a woman/Phenomenally/Phenomenal woman/That's me."

"You have a poster with that poem on in hanging in your bedroom, don't you?" Jane asked.

"Good eye, detective," Maura laughed. "I found the print at an art fair a few years ago and couldn't pass it up. If I were to get an homage to the poem, I would either get those four lines or simply the word 'phenomenal.' Maybe in my own handwriting."

"I think I know what I'm getting you for Christmas," Jane teased as she kissed the side of Maura's head.

"Maybe you'll get something similar from Santa," Maura laughed. "I should probably get back to work," she said sadly.

"Do you have to?" Jane asked with a mock pout.

"If you would like me home at a reasonable hour and in any mood for your thorough inspection of my neck, then the answer is yes," Maura laughed.

"Well, when you put it that way," Jane chuckled before pulling her arm away from Maura. "I'll be sure to make oysters or somethin' like that for dinner!"

"I am incredibly serious when I say that you will not need to feed me oysters if your investigation is as thorough as I know you can be," Maura stated.

"You're gonna kill me," Jane groaned before quickly pressing her lips to Maura's. "But I think I'm okay with that," she mused before kissing Maura again. "Because what a way to go," she added before one final kiss.

Not satisfied with the soft kisses from Jane, Maura wove her fingers through Jane's hair and deeply kissed the detective, tongue's meeting each other in a familiar yet still new dance. She continued the kiss until her lungs begged for air.

"I'm gonna leave right now," Jane stated, placing a quick peck to Maura's lips. "Cause if I stay here any longer, things might get steamy. And I'm not really sure how I feel about steamy activities when there are dead bodies in the next room," she explained as she stood up. "Text me when you're heading home?"

"I will," Maura confirmed as she stood and slipped her heels back on. "Thank you again for lunch. I love you."

"Love you, too," Jane smiled.

* * *

"I still cannot believe that you made a kale salad for dinner," Maura laughed as she pulled the covers back on her side of the bed and fluffed her pillow.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jane said. "But did you like it at least?"

"Of course!" Maura smiled as she slid into the bed. "It was a very summer salad, with the strawberries and walnuts you tossed in. Plus the cherry vinaigrette dressing you made? Beautiful," the doctor praised. "You'll have to let me make you dinner sometime."

"I'm down with that," Jane admitted as she scooted to spoon her body with Maura's, draping an arm over the doctor's midsection. "But for now I'm gonna investigate."

"Investigate?" Maura asked, barely finishing the word before Jane tilted her head and pressed her lips to Maura's neck. "Oh," she sighed as her eyes fluttered closed.

"Okay," Jane murmured, barely lifting her lips from Maura's neck. "I've been trying to think about how we're gonna do this all day," she explained as she placed another kiss to warm skin. "If you're lying on the bed, I'm gonna have to be on top and then bend down to reach your neck. Not sure my scar can take too much of that," she admitted.

"What about if you sat against the headboard?" Maura sighed as she felt Jane's lips press to her neck. "And I straddled you? Making sure to avoid direct pressure on your abdomen, of course."

"Good idea," Jane said as she quickly pulled away from Maura and scooted into a sitting position against the headboard, tucking pillows behind her for comfort.

"This feel okay?" Maura asked after placing her knees on either side of Jane's thighs, their pelvises fitting together snugly.

"I think 'okay' is a bit of an understatement," Jane laughed as her hands came to rest on Maura's hips, silk pajamas cool under her touch. "So, care to give me a clue to point me in the right direction for this investigation or am I going in blind?"

"You are a more than competent investigator," Maura complimented. "I think you'll do just fine without any clues."

With that, Maura tilted her head to one side slightly and gave Jane silent permission to begin placing open mouth kisses to her neck, eyes closed as she intently listened to the soft sighs that escaped Maura. Maura's hands began to gently run through Jane's hair as the detective lavished attention to her neck.

When Jane's lips passed over a freckle conveniently located just above Maura's pulse point, the doctor's hands tightened their grip on brunette curls.

"I think I might have found it," Jane stated smugly, her breath ghosting over Maura's skin.

"Yes," Maura breathed.

"How pissed at me would you be if I maybe left you a little mark? In case I need to revisit this investigation at a later date."

For her response, Maura tilted her head more and guided Jane's lips back to her neck. The detective chuckled as she resumed her kisses, soft nips, and tongue tracing on pale skin. Her lips would occasionally kiss their way up the column of Maura's neck to capture parted lips in kisses that grew more frenzied as time passed.

Neither woman had any semblance of how much time had gone by since Jane began her investigation on Maura's neck and neither woman seemed to care.

"Jane," Maura finally managed to say, her hands moving to rest at Jane's neck.

"Hmm?" Jane hummed, her lips not leaving Maura's skin.

"Stop," she said with a soft chuckle.

"Shit, did I hurt you?" Jane asked, pulling her hands quickly away from where they rested on Maura's sides and looking into her eyes, searching for any negative signs.

"Quite the opposite," Maura smiled as she pressed a chaste kiss to Jane's lips. "I'm not sure I can remember the last time I was this aroused."

"So why we gotta stop?"

"It is taking every ounce of self-control I possess to keep my hips from moving," Maura admitted with a shy smile. "And as certain as I am that you will be an incredible lover, I do not want our first time to be a frenzied quickie just before bed."

"You sound like you've thought about our first time," Jane smirked as she allowed her hands to return to Maura's hips.

"You haven't?" Maura asked, tilting her head to the side to let Jane know she was genuinely curious.

"Oh, I have," Jane chuckled. "And I'd love to hear what you've thought about our first time," she smiled.

"If you want to hear my thoughts, you're going to have to let my hips go because I can hardly think straight in this position," Maura warned.

"Strange," Jane shrugged as she kept her grip on Maura's hips firm. "I'm thinking incredibly straight in this position. Thinking about what you're going to feel like under me. Over me. Around me. In me."

"Oh, God," Maura sighed as her hips rocked forward without her permission, seeking any sort of friction.

"Nope. Just Jane here," Jane smirked as she released Maura's hips and took the doctor's face in her hands. "You know that talking about sex is one of my least favorite things in the world but I promise that I'll listen to whatever fantasies you have and be the best I can be for you."

"This isn't about you being the best for me," Maura smiled. "This is about us being together and being equals."

"I love you," Jane stated before reaching to place a soft kiss to Maura's forehead.

"I love you, too," Maura smiled as she removed herself from Jane's lap and laid down on the bed, tugging to Jane's hand to encourage the brunette to settle in for the night.

* * *

When Maura awoke, it was not to the sound of her alarm clock and a strong arm keeping her in bed. Rather, she awoke to silence and an empty bed. Grabbing her cellphone and rubbing sleep from her eyes, Maura slid from her bed and went to search for Jane.

After searching possible rooms on the second floor—en suite bathroom, yoga room, and guest bedroom, Maura quietly padded downstairs and was greeted with a light coming from her kitchen. She couldn't help but smile when she began to walk towards the kitchen, expecting to see Jane sneaking a cookie or other treat.

What she didn't expect to see was Jane standing at the kitchen island, her shoulders hunched as she braced one hand on the counter to keep her torso up as her other arm wrapped around her midsection, eyes clenched shut in what appeared to be pain. There was a bottle of medications tipped on the counter, though the lid was still on, and Maura quickly made it to Jane's side.

"Jane? Sweetie, what's wrong?" Maura asked, placing a gentle hand at the small of Jane's back.

"Go away," Jane said, her teeth gritted in pain.

"What?" Maura asked, unable to mask the hurt in her voice.

"I don't..." Jane trailed off, hunching further over in pain. "I don't want you to see me like this, okay? So just go back to bed."

"Please, Jane," Maura said gently as she began to rub her hand soothingly on Jane's back. "Don't try to push me away."

"I have to," Jane muttered.

"No, you don't," Maura stated before grabbing the medication on the counter and reading the label quickly, noting that it was a muscle relaxer prescribed to Jane for times when the pain became too much. Pulling her hand away from Jane's back, she quickly poured a glass of water and brought it to Jane, placing a pill next to the glass.

When Jane realized Maura wasn't going to go right back to bed, Jane quickly took the pill and gulped down the water.

"Come with me," Maura encouraged as she stood next to Jane and offered her body to be used as a walking aid. Begrudgingly, Jane allowed her body to sink against Maura's and be guided to the couch, a much closer destination than any of Maura's bedrooms.

When they reached the couch, Maura pressed her back as far against the couch as possible and opened her arms, inviting Jane into her arms. The pain still radiating in her body, Jane laid down on the couch facing Maura, curling her body up as small as possible and burying her head into a soft chest as Maura held her close.

"It hurts," Jane admitted, her voice soft in both pain and embarrassment as she tried to melt into Maura's embrace.

"I know," Maura soothed as one hand ran through dark curls and another rubbed a trembling back. "It's okay to feel the pain, though. Don't try to push it away. Feel the pain and let me be here to help you work through it."

"Make it stop," Jane said, hating her voice for the pleading tone it took on but unable to control it.

"I wish I could," Maura replied. "I wish that you could transfer all your pain to me. I would take it all away from you if I could, Jane. I promise you that."

"I mean medically make it stop," Jane stated.

"The muscle relaxer will kick in shortly," Maura stated as she continued her soft ministrations. "And then you'll be able to fall asleep and sleep in as late as you want. And then I will make you chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and powdered sugar as we watch whatever movies you want. I'll even run to the store to buy the extra butter popcorn you like so you don't have to eat the kettle corn I keep here."

"I don't want you to see me like this," Jane repeated, trying to fight the way the muscle relaxers were beginning to pull her back to sleep. "You shouldn't have to," she protested weakly.

"Jane, stop fighting," Maura whispered. "Stop fighting the muscle relaxers and your desire to sleep and please, Jane, stop fighting me and trying to keep me at a distance."

"History of the World," Jane murmured, following Maura's soft commands and allowing her body to begin to relax, trusting Maura to be there for her.

"Pardon?" Maura asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"It's a Mel Brooks movie. Can we watch it tomorrow? It makes me laugh," Jane said.

"Of course we can," Maura smiled. "But you have to go to sleep first."

"Love you," Jane said, her words slurred with exhaustion and pain.

"Sleep, Jane," Maura commanded gently, tightening her arms around Jane's still curled up body.

* * *

When Jane awoke the next morning, she was glad her body had uncurled itself from the fetal position and her legs were tangled with Maura's, feet hanging over the edge of the couch. Her head was still nestled against Maura's chest, the gentle rise and fall of it bringing her mind away from sleep. As she grew more aware of her surroundings, she noticed that Maura's lips were pressed to her forehead and were simply resting there and that a soft hand had slipped under her shirt to rest on the exit wound on her back.

"Do I even wanna ask what time it is?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep. "Sorry," she said quickly when she felt the doctor startle slightly.

"Don't apologize," Maura said gently, pulling her lips only an inch away from Jane's forehead. "I just didn't know you'd woken up. How are you feeling?"

"Hungry," Jane admitted with a soft chuckle. "Kind of embarrassed you had to see me like you saw me last night, though" she added under her breath.

"Well, I do believe that I offered chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and powdered sugar," Maura smiled as she ran a hand through Jane's curls.

"You did," Jane confirmed.

"But I won't make them until you believe me when I say you have nothing to be embarrassed about," Maura stated. "You had a bullet blast through your gut a month ago, Jane. Pain is to be expected."

"It's not even that I'm super embarrassed about the pain," Jane sighed as she began to fiddle with the drawstring at Maura's waistband. "It's just…In every relationship I've ever had, I've never shown the guy all parts of me, ya know? Like, I always kept parts of me hidden or something. I never showed Casey my romantic side or showed Dean the side of me that really likes to cook. But you've seen all those parts of me and last night…Last night was a part of me you'd never seen before and it freaked me the fuck out."

"Why did it freak you out?"

"Letting you see all sides of me basically means trusting you entirely. It means that I trust you to not run off and sell my secrets to the highest bidder or run away and become a stranger who knows all my secrets but treats me like I'm a nobody. And that's not easy," Jane explained.

"It certainly isn't," Maura stated as she pressed a kiss to Jane's forehead. "And I know exactly how you feel, Jane. But I hope you know that I trust you more than anyone else in this world and that you can trust me that much, too."

"I do," Jane said as she looked up into Maura's warm eyes. "I trust you with everything I have and everything I am."

"Good," Maura smiled as she squeezed Jane softly. "Now, would you like your pancakes in bunny shapes or circles?"

"Anything but the bunny shapes!" Jane said theatrically.

"So, hearts?" Maura teased as she pulled herself into a sitting position slowly to not jostle Jane from the couch that was certainly not designed for two grown women.

"Like, cheesy Valentine's Day hearts or creepy anatomically correct hearts?" Jane asked.

"Cheesy Valentine's Day hearts," Maura laughed. "I may be good with pancake designs but I'm not that good," she pointed out as she managed to carefully climb over Jane to stretch in front of the couch.

"Hey," Jane said slowly bringing herself to sit upright and reaching out for Maura's hand.

"Yes?" Maura asked as she slipped her hand into Jane's, eyes scanning the detective's face for any sign of pain.

"I love you," the brunette smiled as she squeezed Maura's hand gently. "Thank you for being there for me last night and not letting me push you away."

"I'm never going to let you push me away. Not without putting up a fight, at least," Maura said. "Oh, and I love you, too."

"And you loving me means you were totally being serious when you said we could have extra butter popcorn while watching movies, right?" Jane grinned.

"I said _you_ could have extra butter popcorn," Maura corrected. "Not _we_. But, yes, I was being serious. I can run to the store later today."

"I've got some at my place. We could swing by there, grab the popcorn and some other DVDs of mine, maybe a few more clothes. If that's okay with you," Jane suggested.

"That's perfect," Maura smiled before bending down to gently kiss Jane's forehead. "Now relax and let me make you breakfast."

* * *

**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I am so, so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I've been in a really bad headspace lately. Like, dangerously low and it's been really hard to focus on anything. I'm so sorry for the wait and promise to make it up to ya'll. I'll drag myself out of this black hole if for no other reason than to write for you.**

**Also gonna bump the rating up to T just because of some intimate talk towards the end of this chapter. I'll probably bump it up to M eventually if ya'll want.**

**Though this chapter is not strong at all, I do hope you enjoy.**

* * *

"Would you like to come with me?" Maura asked as she loaded she and Jane's breakfast plates into the dishwasher.

"Well, I wasn't gonna make you go to my apartment and pick up my stuff alone," Jane laughed from her place on the couch.

"I know you weren't going to make me," Maura stated. "I was offering you an out if you wished to stay here and soak in the tub or simply relax while I run to your place. It won't take long and I don't want you to feel as though you have to come with me."

"A hot bath does sound kinda nice," Jane mused as she absent mindedly touched her still slightly sore midsection.

"Then take a hot bath," Maura smiled as she leaned over the back of the couch to kiss the crown of Jane's head. "But first tell me what DVDs you'd like me to pick up from your personal collection."

"Go get changed out of your PJs and I'll make a list," Jane grinned.

"Don't forget to include anything else you'd like from your apartment. Certain clothing or snacks you keep, things such as that," Maura called over her shoulder as she walked up to her bedroom.

As Maura changed, Jane grabbed the pad of sticky notes from Maura's coffee table and began to jot down her favorite movie titles as well as a list of the snacks she kept in her kitchen that she knew Maura would never purchase.

"That's a long list," Maura noted as she came back downstairs and sat next to Jane, noticing that Jane was writing on a third sticky note.

"Well, the first sticky note is a list of some clothes that I like—my favorite sweatshirt, comfy jeans, stuff like that. The second is a list of the movies I'm gonna introduce you to and ignore your comments about inaccuracies while watching and this sticky note is a list of my favorite snacks and where they are in my kitchen," Jane grinned as she finished writing on the last note.

"I hope you enjoy those snacks because when they are gone, they're gone for good," Maura threatened. "As long as you are staying in my house, you will eat semi-healthily, detective."

"Are you—okay, that's just not fair," Jane said, changing her train of thought abruptly.

"What isn't fair? That I am trying to keep my girlfriend healthy?" Maura asked with an arched eyebrow.

"No, I mean it's not fair that you're in freaking yoga pants and a plain t-shirt and still look that beautiful," Jane stated as she gestured to Maura's black pants and grey t-shirt. "I wear work out gear and look like a mess."

"Please," Maura laughed. "I am far from beautiful in this. The yoga pants are old and the t-shirt is probably even older. And you hardly look like a mess in work out gear. I personally enjoy you in your workout clothes."

"Maura, do you really not see that you're beautiful all the time?" Jane asked, her voice losing all jest.

Just before Maura could respond, Jo jumped up onto the couch, barking loudly and jumping for attention.

"Do you wanna come with me on a car ride?" Maura asked the small dog, cocking her head to the side in the way that Jane couldn't help but find adorable.

"She'd love the Mercedes with the top down," Jane noted, choosing to leave the conversation about Maura's self-consciousness for another time.

"Well, then we'll have to do just that," Maura smiled as she rose from the couch, Jo in her arms. "Gotta give your mom some time to relax, Jo," the doctor spoke to the dog as she walked towards her front door where Jo's leash hung.

"She loves you," Jane laughed as she rose to walk towards the door, four sticky notes in hand. "Drive safely, yeah?" she said as she handed the notes to Maura.

"I always do," Maura smiled. "Unlike some, I do not find the idea of racing down Boston streets all that appealing."

"Gotta keep those beat cops on their toes!" Jane teased. "It's cool that I use your bathroom for my bath, right?"

"Of course," Maura stated. "The guest bath is nowhere near as luxurious as the bath in the en suite. There are some bath salts below the sink if you'd like them. Lavender is my favorite but there are several scents for you to choose from."

"My laundry detergent is lavender scented," Jane thought out loud.

"I know."

When Jane looked into Maura's eyes, she couldn't help but laugh at the bashful smile on the doctor's face. Maura's favorite bath scent was the scent that reminded her most of Jane. The brunette found herself unable to resist the urge to wrap Maura in a hug.

"You are such a goof and I absolutely love it," Jane laughed into golden curls.

"Thank you, I think," Maura smiled when she pulled away. "Now go relax!"

Placing a quick kiss to Maura's lips, Jane gave Jo a quick scratch behind her ear before walking towards Maura's bedroom where a hot bath was in her future.

Smiling, Maura walked with Jo towards her Mercedes and set the small dog in the passenger side before staring the car and sliding the hood down. Flipping through the sticky notes to ensure she had no questions before leaving, her heart fluttered when she realized Jane had given her an extra sticky note with a personal message on it.

_You're beautiful._

* * *

Maura returned to her home less than an hour later, quickly unloading the snacks she had picked up from Jane's apartment into her kitchen and placing the stack of DVDs on her coffee table. Slinging Jane's bag of clothes over her shoulder, she walked up the stairs to place the clothing in the dresser drawers that had long been designated for the detective's clothes.

Entering her bedroom, she could barely stifle the laugh when she heard Joan Jett's voice wafting from her en suite bathroom and a splashing sound that she assumed was Jane's attempt at drumming.

"I see you're relaxing very nicely, Ms. Jett," Maura called as she unpacked the clothing Jane had requested.

"Your sarcasm is duly noted," Jane retorted. "Did you eat any of my Girl Scout Cookies? Because I will know if you did!"

"I may have had one or two," Maura smiled. "Or I may not have. That is for me to know and you to never find out."

"Get in here!"

Laughing, Maura finished unpacking and quickly pushed the bathroom door open, leaning against the doorframe with a smile.

"See something you like, doctor?" Jane teased.

"Oh, yes. Pruney detectives whose bodies are obscured by bubbles while drumming the water's surface to Joan Jett are my weakness. How on Earth did you ever find that out?"

"Lucky guess," Jane shrugged. "Gonna gimme a kiss?" she asked, puckering her lips dramatically.

"If you insist," Maura replied as she walked to the large tub and bent down, intending to give Jane a simple peck on the lips.

She gasped when Jane slid a pruney hand around her neck and captured Maura's lips in a fierce kiss, slipping her tongue into the doctor's mouth almost instantly. Maura couldn't help but melt into the kiss—the familiarity of it as well as the simultaneous newness. She let out soft sigh of disappointment when Jane pulled away, a smile on the detective's face.

"You had some of my Thin Mints, didn't you?"

"What?" Maura asked.

"You taste like Thin Mints," Jane smirked. "With a hint of peanut butter. Which means you did eat some of my Girl Scout Cookies."

"You caught me," Maura smirked. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Well, since you did admit that the clothes you're wearing are old, I could easily tug you into this bathtub," Jane mused, laughing deeply when Maura quickly took a few steps away from the tub and out of Jane's reach. "I wouldn't do that," Jane chuckled.

"I'm not sure I believe you," Maura said as she maintained her distance.

"Eh, I'm not sure you should," Jane noted. "But, uh, if you did wanna join me in the bath you're more than welcome. I just drained some of the cooler water and added more hot so the temperature is really nice."

"If you've been in the bath since I left, you really should think about getting out. Your scar is healing quite well but soaking it for extended periods of time might not be the best idea," Maura stated. "As much as I would love to join you, I would love you to continue healing more."

"If the doctor insists," Jane sighed dramatically as she flipped the drain with her toe to begin emptying the tub. "But you better join me next time," she encouraged as she accepted the robe Maura held out to her and rose, quickly wrapping it around her to protect her wet body from the cool air.

"If you ask nicely and share your Thin Mints with me, we'll talk," Maura teased. "Did you want to get dressed while I make you popcorn? That way you can introduce me to History of the World and force me to bite my tongue at all historical inaccuracies."

"How about you get undressed, throw on the robe that matches the one I'm wearing that I know you have, and we watch the movie while nakey?" Jane asked with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"I do believe that I told you nothing would ever happen if you referred to physical intimacy as 'getting nakey' again," Maura pointed out as she walked from the bathroom and into her bedroom.

"Please?" Jane said with a fake whine, drawing out the word like she once did as a child.

"You are impossible," Maura laughed as she watched Jane pull her hair from the bun on the top of her head and run her fingers through the dark curls. "Go downstairs and get yourself comfortable on the couch. Now," she commanded with a smile.

"So bossy," Jane grumbled as she pecked Maura's cheek and walked downstairs, still clad only in her robe.

Sighing, Maura waited until Jane was downstairs before pulling her yoga clothing off and pulling the robe on to cover her body. She opted to keep her undergarments on and was thankful that the robe was slightly longer than others she owned and fell almost to her knees.

Running hands through her hair, she quickly walked to the kitchen before self-consciousness overtook her and she put clothes back on.

"So, tell me the premise of this movie," she said as she placed the bag of Jane's extra butter popcorn into the microwave and watched as Jane wiggled on the couch to find the perfect position.

"It's freaking hilarious," Jane called from the couch, not turning to face Maura. "It's basically just a bunch of satire about big world events. My favorite scene is where they make a musical version of the Spanish Inquisition. If you manage to go the entire movie without laughing, I will give you a hundred bucks."

"You're on," Maura agreed as she pulled she and Jane's reusable water bottles from her fridge, both eager and anxious for the popcorn to finish popping so she could reveal to Jane what she wore. "What happens if I do laugh? Do I also owe you a hundred dollars?"

"Nah," Jane shrugged as she began to fiddle with Maura's remote, pulling up the DVD main menu excitedly. "You can owe me, like, 48 hours without telling me about the nutritional value of whatever I choose to eat."

"Sounds like a deal," Maura grinned as she pulled the popcorn from the microwave and poured it into a large bowl, grabbing that and the water bottles and heading to her living room. "Would you like me to close the blinds a bit so it's darker like a movie theatre?" Maura asked as she set the bowl and bottles on the coffee table.

"Hey," Jane said softly as she noticed Maura had changed into the robe. "You put the robe on," she smiled as she reached out to squeeze Maura's hands gently.

"I did," Maura said with a soft smile and gentle squeeze. "Blinds open or closed?" she repeated.

"Well, I was gonna say closed because you know how much I love turning your house into a movie theatre but I kinda want some light to look at you," Jane stated. "Maybe we could do half open, half closed?"

"Okay," Maura nodded with a smile as she walked to her blinds and pulled them more than half way closed but still open enough to let the afternoon sun peek through.

"Come 'ere," Jane smiled as she opened her arms to Maura after she finished adjusting the blinds, pulling the doctor close to her once in a seated position. "I dunno what you're self-conscious about but I promise that you are stunning," she whispered directly into Maura's ear. "And if you ever want to tell me what you're not confident about, I will listen and then love those parts of you enough for the both of us."

"Thank you," Maura replied with a thankful smile. "Let's start the movie while your popcorn is still hot."

* * *

"You were totally laughing!" Jane beamed as she muted the television, now displaying the main menu of the DVD.

"I was," Maura admitted with a smile as she took a final sip from her water bottle. "Although I was laughing more are you and the way you sang and danced along to certain parts than the actual film."

"Doesn't matter. You laughed and, thus, you owe me 48 hours without telling me how unhealthy my favorite foods are," the detective smiled as she pulled Maura tighter against her side.

"Starting now?" Maura asked as she snuggled against Jane, smiling at the feeling of their silk robes sliding effortlessly against each other.

"I dunno," Jane thought out loud. "I might have to save this win up for, like, the Superbowl or sometime that I know I'm gonna gorge myself."

"Am I able to make a mental note of what you eat and then scold you after the required 48 hours are over?" Maura teased as she took the hand Jane didn't have wrapped around her shoulder and began to fiddle with long fingers and brush the scars lovingly.

"Nope," was Jane's quick reply. "Be grateful I didn't bet that you'd have to eat the food _and_ keep quiet about how unhealthy it is."

"How kind of you," Maura laughed.

"Yeah, I'm such a sweetie," Jane scoffed. "I, uh, grabbed another letter on my way down here. Did you want me to read it?"

"Did you bring the letter here just to distract me so I wouldn't start talking Google about the historical events mentioned in the movie?" Maura teased.

"I tease you about your Google talk but I really find it quite endearing," Jane smiled as she pressed a kiss to the side of Maura's head.

"Really?" Maura asked, turning her head to look directly at Jane.

"Yup," the detective grinned. "It's amazing how much you're able to keep in your brain and whip out at a moment's notice. Plus you get this excited look in your eyes and that's really freaking cute."

Maura simply relaxed her head back onto Jane's shoulder and snuggled deeper against the detective, a content smile on her face.

"Can I have my hand back?" Jane asked as Maura continued to fiddle with her free hand. "To read the letter and stuff."

"If you insist," Maura sighed dramatically as she let go of Jane's hand and wrapped an arm around the toned midsection, careful to avoid the location of the healing wound.

"_Ma came over today and brought me some sort of scar cream to use on the wound so it doesn't scar or whatever. I used it and then, like, half an hour later my scar itched like crazy. Is that normal, Maura? Like, is that a good sign that the scar is healing or is that a really bad sign? If it's a good sign then I'll keep using the cream stuff but if it's bad then I'll stop. Hah. That's funny. Even if it is a bad sign, I'll keep using the scar cream. It's an ugly ass scar. Any guy who takes one look at it is either gonna want to know the story or run the hell away. I've never cared about my body all that much before and certainly don't give a shit what any guy thinks of it but for some stupid reason that's what my brain is focusing on today. The hideous scar. I'm not vain—we both know that—but this new scar is really messing with me. Now I can't help but notice every single scar on my body. Hoyt's on my neck and my palms, the one on my eyebrow from a fight I got in at the academy, one on my knee from a softball injury in high school. I dunno, Maura. It's just bugging me so much. Why can't I be pretty and perfect and stuff like you are? I mean, look at you, Maura! You're every dude's dream. You're really fucking pretty and I really hope that I don't sound like some super creepy person by saying that. I mean, even if I do sound creepy I'm not gonna send these letters so I could write that you are quite possibly the most beautiful person I've ever seen and it would be cool. Because you are. You don't have ugly scars on your hands and you float in a room while I stomp and you're just really perfect and fuck it all I sound like I'm jealous of my best friend. I'm shutting up now.  
-Jane"_

"It is perfectly normal for a scar to itch throughout the healing process," Maura stated. "That is because of several reasons: the scar and surrounding areas are drier than average skin and also because the nerve endings that were injured from the bullet are growing back into the area. The scar cream most likely caused a response in the newer nerve endings and, thus, caused an itch."

"Yeah, I Googled that," Jane smiled as she put the letter back in the envelope and tossed it onto the coffee table.

"You Googled it?" Maura asked. "Looks like you don't need me anymore. Guess I'll be going," she shrugged as she moved to stand from the couch.

"Oh, no, you don't," Jane laughed as she tugged Maura back down, the doctor landing on Jane's lap as she laughed. "You're my favorite search engine and you know it."

"Thank you," Maura smiled as she made no effort to move from Jane's lap and instead turned her body to sit sideways, nuzzling into Jane's neck. "I hate how much pain you've had to endure in your lifetime and the scars you have acquired," she stated gently as she ran her hand to rest over the round scar on Jane's abdomen, the robe the only barrier between their skin. "And I understand why you feel the scars are ugly and hate the way they look."

"They are ugly," Jane sighed.

"I have mixed feelings about them," Maura admitted as she relaxed entirely against Jane, smiling when the detective wrapped her arms tighter around Maura.

"Gonna elaborate?" Jane smiled.

"The scars are from times in your life that you were in pain. Where you were hurting and scared and living nightmares you did nothing to deserve. They upset you and I hate them for that," Maura mused. "But I also love them. I love the fact that the scars show your dedication to your job and to your loved ones and to what you believe in. They show your resilience and your drive. And your hands…" Maura trailed off as she picked up one of Jane's hands and gently ran her fingers over the scar. "When you touch me and if I concentrate hard enough, I can feel the scars. And I am reminded that it is you who is touching me and that I never, ever want to go without feeling those scars on my skin."

"I love you," Jane breathed as she reached her free hand up to cup Maura's cheek and turn the doctor's head to capture her lips in a gentle kiss. "How do you always know what to say?" she asked when she pulled away.

"I don't," Maura admitted. "Thank you, by the way," she smiled shyly. "For writing that you think I'm beautiful."

"God, you are so beautiful," Jane murmured before capturing Maura's lips in a more passionate kiss, one of her hands moving to run up and down Maura's side.

Though Maura smiled against Jane's lips, the detective noticed the slight tensing of Maura's body as scarred hands moved up and down her sides. Trailing her lips from soft lips and up to Maura's ear, Jane placed a soft kiss below the lobe before whispering into the doctor's ear.

"Please tell me," Jane encouraged softly.

"Tell you what?" Maura asked.

"Tell me what you don't like about your body," the detective clarified, keeping her lip close to Maura's ear.

"Jane," Maura breathed sadly.

"Let me in, Maura. Let me in and let me show you that your imperfections are beautiful, just like you did with me and my scars just now."

"They're all silly things," Maura admitted. "Small things that shouldn't bother me."

"Stop trying to negate your feelings," Jane murmured before pressing her lips to Maura's softly. "Are you comfortable down here or would you like to move upstairs?"

"I don't know," Maura stated. "I imagined that this journey of letters would be about you and the things you've gone through. I never imagined it would turn to me and my struggles. It seems to have caught me off guard."

"I didn't mean to catch you off guard," Jane soothed. "But this journey isn't just about me, Maura. It's about us. You and me. Jane and Maura. Rizzoli and Isles. It sounds so cheesy when I say it but your struggles and mine and my struggles and yours."

"We should probably stay down here," Maura suggested. "It's the middle of the afternoon and going into the bedroom may trigger our minds into thinking it is later than it is."

"Doesn't matter what we _should_ do," Jane stated. "What matters is what you wanna do and what makes you feel most comfortable."

"Let's go upstairs," Maura said after a few moments of deliberation.

"You go it," Jane smiled as she swiftly slid an arm under Maura's knees and quickly moved into a standing position, carrying Maura bridal style.

"Jane, you'll hurt yourself," Maura laughed after the shock of being picked up by Jane's lanky body wore off. "I'm perfectly capable of walking to my bedroom."

"You won't hurt me," Jane retorted as she walked to the television and maneuvered her body so she could hit the power button without releasing Maura. "You're not nearly as heavy as you think you are. Plus I've always wanted to sweep you off your feet."

"Well, I wasn't on my feet when you picked me up," Maura pointed out as she wrapped an arm around Jane's neck to steady herself as they made their way to the stairs.

"Do you want me to drop you?" Jane laughed.

"No!" Maura exclaimed, her arm around Jane's neck tightening.

"I wouldn't do that," Jane reassured the doctor as she nudged the bedroom door open with her hip, slipping into the room before nudging the door shut and walking to the bed.

"I just had the most wonderful image flash through my mind," Maura murmured with a smile as she placed a soft kiss to Jane's neck, making no move to remove herself from the detective's arms.

"And what might that image be?"

"You in a handsome white Armani Tuxedo carrying me over the threshold as I wear a white gown," Maura smiled. "With red accents to honor the Red Sox, of course."

"I really like the sound of that," Jane smiled as she bent over to gently place Maura on the bed, delivering a soft kiss to her lips. "Like, I really, really like the sound of that," she continued as she slid onto the bed to relax next to Maura.

"You don't think I'm crazy for imaging a wedding after we've been together for just a few days?" Maura asked, rolling onto her side to snuggle up against Jane, a hand coming to fiddle with the tie of the silk robe Jane wore.

"No," was Jane simple reply as she wrapped an arm around Maura's shoulders.

"Several of my insecurities are of a more intimate nature," Maura stated softly, easing into the subject.

"Intimate, like, you've never told anyone about them? Or intimate, like, sex?"

"More along the lines of sex, although the former is true as well," Maura stated.

"I love you," Jane stated as she pressed a kiss to the side of Maura's head. "You can take your time telling me if you'd like."

"I have stretch marks," Maura began. "They aren't drastic but they're there. On my hips, mainly. I had a growth spurt that seemed to happen overnight and they've been a part of me for quite some time. With my fair skin they aren't very prominent but I can see them every time I look in the mirror. No partner of mine has commented on them but I know they're there."

"May I see them?" Jane asked tentatively, praying that Maura wouldn't bolt at the request.

Maura decided to go for broke and nodded her head, rolling off her side and onto her back. Jane smiled and rolled onto her side to face Maura, propping herself up with an arm. With her free hand, she tugged open the belt holding the silk robe together and pushed the robe open, exposing Maura's matching white lace underwear.

"Jeeze, you're beautiful," Jane murmured as her eyes ran over the exposed body in front of her. "Are you even real?" she asked when she met Maura's eyes, which were filled with a mixture of uncertainty and adoration.

"I can assure you that I'm real," Maura smiled, her eyes fluttering closed as Jane slid a hand onto her stomach, allowing it to rest there before moving to the faint silvery stretch marks on Maura's hips.

"I'll believe you but only because you're not breaking out in hives," Jane replied as her hand continued to run over Maura's perceived imperfections. "Do you wanna know what I see when I see these marks?"

"Hmm?" Maura asked, Jane's gentle touch blazing a fire both on her skin and within her.

"I see a younger Maura. She knows that her body is growing as it should and spurts are normal so she tells herself that the marks that have appeared on her skin are normal. That she is normal. But that younger Maura still feels embarrassed at the marks. The way her body is growing into adulthood seems so odd to her because her mind has been in adulthood for so long. She wants to call her mother. She wants to be reassured that she is beautiful. But that little Maura didn't call her mother and was never told she was beautiful, was she?"

"Not until she became of appropriate dating age and her mother began to seek out worthy suitors," Maura said as Jane's hands continue to run over her hips, traveling from one to the other leisurely.

"Well, when I see these stretch marks, they serve as a reminder that I'm going to tell you how absolutely beautiful you are every single day. Got it?" Jane asked.

"You don't have to-"

"Got it?" Jane repeated, a smirk on her eyes.

"Got it," Maura stated, opening her eyes to look at Jane.

"Tell me what else," Jane encouraged, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Maura's mouth.

"My breasts," Maura sighed.

"Are freaking perfect," Jane quipped.

"I've caught you staring at them on several occasions," Maura laughed.

"Can you really blame me? Freaking Rack of God you've got there."

"I wouldn't go that far," Maura chuckled. "Though my breasts are sized adequately, my nipples have been a source of frustration for many of my previous sexual partners and, thus, for me."

"How could they ever frustrate someone? I mean, I've never seen them or anything but when I do I don't think I could ever be frustrated with them," Jane smiled as her hand traveled up Maura's stomach to trace the bottom of her bra.

"They aren't as sensitive as previous partners wanted them to be," Maura explained. "They respond positively to stimulation, of course, but the partners I have had always grew annoyed when I wasn't writhing in pleasure because of their ministrations on my breasts."

"Assholes," Jane muttered.

"Some women are capable of achieving orgasm simply from nipple stimulation," Maura stated. "I suppose pornography has led men to believe that all women are capable of that and, thus, I am an abnormality for not being able to."

"Is saying that I take that as a challenge a bad thing?" Jane asked. "Like, you said you've never found yourself getting too much pleasure from partners playing with your breasts but now I wanna see if I can make you, as you say, writhe in pleasure."

"Jane…" Maura trailed off, knowing that when Jane issued herself a challenge there was no way to stop her.

"Not if you don't want me to, of course," Jane stated, moving her hand back down to safer territory on Maura's hip.

"Maybe one day," Maura smiled as she lifted her arm up, motioning for Jane to come snuggle against her and beginning to run her hands through dark curls.

"Anything else?" Jane asked, pressing her lips to Maura's neck.

"Promise not to laugh?" Maura asked softly.

"Cross my heart," Jane replied without hesitation.

"When I become aroused…" Maura trailed off, torn between slipping into her Dr. Isles persona and speaking as clinically as possible or simply remaining Maura. "When I become aroused, the lubrication that my body creates is quite abundant," she began again and finished quickly.

"You mean you get wet?" Jane asked.

"All women's bodies produce a natural lubricant when aroused," Maura explained. "My body, however, seems to produce much more than what my previous partners consider typical. So, to answer your question, no, I don't get wet. I get drenched."

"Holy shit," Jane breathed as she buried her head into Maura's neck. "You have no idea how turned on I am right now," she muttered.

"Turned on?" Maura asked, her hands stopping the way they'd been running through Jane's hair. "You mean you aren't turned off?"

"Good God, no," Jane replied as she lifted her head to look down at Maura. "You know I've never been with a woman before but I'm fairly convinced the butterflies in my stomach are most definitely not from nerves about having sex with you. Pretty sure they're the good kinda butterflies."

"You give me the good kind of butterflies, too," Maura smiled as she reached up to tuck a few curls behind Jane's ear.

"Well, that's good to know," Jane smiled before pressing her lips to Maura's gently. "Anything else you wanna share?" she asked when she pulled her lips away.

"No," Maura replied as she tugged on the hand not used to prop Jane up, eyes sparkling when Jane understood her and straddled the doctor. "I was thinking that since you performed such a thorough investigation on me the other night, I could try my hand at investigating."

"Investigate away."

* * *

**Once again, I am so sorry it has taken me so long to understand and that this chapter is so sub-par. Mental health sucks, let me tell ya.**

**Reviews are lovely!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you all for your kind words on both the quality of the last chapter as well as your wishes for my mental health to begin to improve. The kind things ya'll have said are amazing. I am so, so, so sorry that this took so long to update. Real life has kicked me so much lately. And I've been on the verge of doing some pretty stupid stuff so writing is tough.**

**Also, we get into the M rated stuff down below. Just a warning. It's the last section so, if you're not one to read M rated action, feel free to the last section and you'll not miss anything plot related.**

**I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The twinges of self-doubt and sadness slowly left Maura's body as Jane hovered over her and allowed the doctor to investigate as thoroughly as she wanted. Maura's lips had captured Jane's in a passionate kiss, breaking only to trail kisses down a tan neck before returning to parted lips. Her hands remained above Jane's robe, running up and down Jane's spine with the occasional grasping of Jane's ass.

"You don't have anything under this, do you?" Maura murmured as she moved a hand to fiddle with the sash holding the robe closed.

"No," Jane breathed.

"Okay," Maura replied, dropping the sash to once again place both hands at the small of Jane's back and kiss the brunette fiercely.

"Maura," Jane said as she felt the doctor move to nip at her neck. "Do you not wanna see me?"

"What?" Maura asked, immediately putting a stop to the kisses at Jane's neck to look up into the eyes of the woman above her. "Oh, Jane," she said softly when she saw the slight look of worry on Jane's face.

"You asked if I was naked and when I said yes, you just dropped the sash thing and made no move to see me," the detective said softly. "I mean, if you don't wanna see me naked that's understandable but I guess I was thinking that-"

"I do want to see you naked," Maura said, pulling one hand from Jane's back to cup Jane's cheek gently. "Or, as you call it, nakey," she added in hopes of making Jane smile.

"So why didn't you, like, rip my robe off or something?"

"Is saying that it's not you but me terribly cliché?" Maura asked softly.

"Kinda," Jane laughed.

"Well, it's the truth," Maura tried to soothe. "I just told you some of my insecurities and, although I desperately want to be intimate with you, I'm just having a few lingering doubts."

"But you know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world," Jane complimented as she balanced her weight onto one arm and used the other to fiddle with one of Maura's curls.

"I know you do," Maura smiled. "And that should be enough, I know. But when we're intimate for the first time, I don't want any doubts in my mind. I want to be focused purely on you and I being together. Not on my self-consciousness."

"I love you," Jane said, pressing a soft kiss to Maura's lips.

"How about we compromise?" Maura asked when they separated.

"What are the terms of this compromise?"

"You go put on undergarments so we're both in equal states of undress," Maura stated. "And once you return to this bed, we take our investigations to the next level? Not the highest level, of course, but just turn up the heat a little?"

"I like that idea," Jane laughed, rolling off of Maura and crossing to the dresser where two drawers were reserved for her things. She grabbed a simple black bra and black boy short style underwear, pulling the panties on before quickly shedding the robe and putting the bra on.

"Get over here before I grab my camera and photograph you," Maura smiled when Jane turned around and attempted to strike a pose.

"You wouldn't dare," Jane warned, though she climbed onto the bed to rest on her side next to Maura.

"I've always wanted to," Maura admitted as she rolled onto her side to mirror Jane's pose.

"Take a photo of me?" Jane asked, brows furrowed.

"Not exactly. I've always found the idea of an intimate photo shoot with a partner to be a very sensual, trust based sort of fantasy," Maura explained as she reached out to trace a shoulder strap of Jane's bra. "To have someone trust me enough to take intimate photos of them and in return have photos taken of me."

"You're not worried that the photos would be leaked or put online or anything?" Jane asked.

"I have a 35 millimeter film camera," Maura stated. "The photos would be taken using that and then I could develop them myself in a dark room. There would be no digital copies of the photos—only the negatives and any prints made, which of course would remain locked away."

"I think I could maybe be convinced to make this little fantasy of yours come true," Jane thought out loud.

"Really?"

"Maybe," Jane smiled. "But, like I said, it would take some convincing on your part."

Grinning, Maura scooted herself closer to Jane, pressing their bra clad breasts together as she tangled her legs with Jane's. Wrapping her arms around Maura, Jane quickly rolled onto her back and brought Maura to rest on top of her.

"Is this going to hurt your abdomen?" Maura asked.

"Nah," Jane promised. "In fact, my abdomen is the last thing on my mind right now."

And with that, their investigation began again.

* * *

"Do you really have to go to work today?" Jane asked as she watched Maura debate in her closet between two pairs of heels.

"Yes," Maura laughed. "I took yesterday off to help you recover from your sudden bout of abdominal pain but it seems to me you're feeling much better."

"I am," Jane grinned as she flashed back to the previous day and the way it felt to run her hands over Maura's skin. "I had the best doctor in all of Boston there to keep the pain away."

"The best doctor in all of Boston?" Maura asked, finally deciding on a pair of heels and stepping into them before walking to where Jane stood in the entry to her closet. "Not the best doctor in all of Massachusetts?"

"I dunno," Jane said with a shrug. "I think Dr. Pike might have you beat."

Maura's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened, prompting Jane to laugh and wrap her arms around Maura.

"Don't gimme that look," Jane laughed. "You know I'm kidding."

"You better be," Maura threatened, though she nuzzled into the crook of Jane's neck.

"I am," Jane said. "Did you want me to bring you some lunch later today?"

"I don't want you to have to drive unnecessarily," Maura said softly.

"What else am I gonna do?" Jane laughed. "Besides, I was thinking of talking to Cav today so I'd be heading to headquarters anyways."

"You're going to talk to Lieutenant Cavanaugh?" Maura asked, pulling her upper body away to look up at Jane.

"I was thinkin' about it, yeah," Jane admitted. "It's only been a month since the shooting but I was thinking that I could ask about coming back to do desk duty. Just a few hours every day. Not full time or anything."

"Jane, you recently had a horrible muscle spasm," Maura said gently. "I know that you love your job but you really should take full advantage of the medical leave offered to you."

"I know I should, Maur," Jane sighed. "But I'm going stir crazy. I mean, there's only so much cooking, cleaning, and television a person can handle. And I wouldn't go out into the field. I'd just sit at my desk and do tech stuff or paperwork or sort through evidence. Go in late morning, leave early afternoon."

"If that's what you would like to do, then that is what you'll do," Maura said with a gentle smile, pressing a gentle kiss to Jane's cheek before pulling away.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jane said, reaching out to grasp Maura's hand before she could leave the closet where they were still standing. "This isn't just about what I wanna do anymore," Jane pointed out.

"It's your life, Jane," Maura pointed out. Her voice did not suggest she was trying to guilt Jane. Rather, it suggested she genuinely thought Jane should do what she wanted without Maura's input. "I would hate to see you go any crazier than you already are."

"What do you mean crazier than I already am?" Jane laughed. "Are trying to call me insane?"

"Perhaps," Maura said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Rude, Maura," Jane teased. "But I'm serious," she began. "This isn't just about what I want. This is about what's best for you and I and our future as a couple, okay? I don't know a whole lot about your past relationships but I get the feeling they never really gave a shit about your thoughts and opinions."

"Not really."

"Well, they're all idiots and I'm gonna make sure to always listen to your thoughts and take them seriously. We're an us now, which means we make these sort of decisions together," Jane promised.

"I…But…Thank you," Maura said, realizing that Jane was sincere in her promise.

"No need to thank me," Jane smiled. "How about you go to work and do your thing. Maybe think about me going back for part time desk duty and your opinions on that. I'll swing by with lunch and we can talk it through together. Then I'll either talk to Cav or I'll head back here."

"You would do that?" Maura asked.

"I'd do a lot of things for you," Jane admitted. "If it meant you'd be reminded of how special or loved you are, I'd do pretty much anything."

"Anything?" Maura repeated, arching an eyebrow at Jane.

"Okay, I'm gonna leave this closet before you get any ideas," Jane laughed, turning on her heel to head to the kitchen.

Maura tightened her grip on Jane's hand and refused to let go. Tugging Jane back towards her, she crashed her lips to Jane's in a fierce kiss, desperate to convey her feelings to Jane with her lips and tongue.

"I love you," Maura breathed when she finally pulled away from Jane's lips.

"I love you, too," Jane smiled. "But we both really gotta leave this closet before I'm unable to be held accountable for my future actions."

* * *

As promised, Jane texted Maura that afternoon to let her know she was upstairs at the welcome desk and needed to be vouched for since she technically was considered a visitor.

"I can't wait until I have my badge back and I can wave it in that stupid guard's face," Jane grumbled as they made their way to Maura's office. "Show him that making me sign in like some stranger was a waste of time."

"You and I both know that you're secretly grateful he's doing his job," Maura stated as they entered her office and closed the door. "He's keeping headquarters safe."

"I know," Jane sighed as she set the lunch she'd brought Maura on the small table before plopping onto the couch.

"Don't pout," Maura instructed as she quickly closed her blinds before sitting down next to Jane.

"Why can't I pout?" Jane asked.

"It makes it harder to kiss you when you're pouting," Maura stated, prompting Jane to immediately stop pouting. "That's better," Maura praised as she pressed a soft kiss to Jane's lips.

"I'll never pout again if it means more kisses," Jane grinned.

"That's a lie," Maura scoffed. "You love to pout."

"You love it, though," Jane noted as she began to pull Tupperware containers from the reusable bag she'd brought lunch in.

"I will not encourage your pouting by admitting that I find it oddly endearing," Maura smiled. "What's for lunch today, Chef Rizzoli?"

"I made us a salad," Jane said as she pulled the lids off two plastic containers, each with a healthy serving size of salad. "It's got feta cheese, Kalamata olives, garbanzo beans, and some Greek dressing. I cut up some of the pita bread I found in your pantry, too," she added as she opened a smaller container with triangles of pita bread.

"Sounds delicious," Maura complimented as she accepted the container and fork Jane was holding out to her.

"Thanks," Jane smiled. "Did you, uh, think about what we talked about this morning?" she asked as they both began to eat their lunch.

"I've thought about it, yes," Maura replied.

"You gonna share your thoughts?"

"They're mixed," Maura stated sadly. "I tried to reach a conclusion: yes, I agree that you should try to go back part time or no, I think you shouldn't. I really did try. But I'm still so torn."

"So let's talk it through," Jane suggested, her mouth full of salad. "I wanna hear your thoughts."

"I worry about you," Maura admitted. "And I know that your job is a dangerous one but…" Maura trailed off, poking her fork into her salad.

"But what?"

"I can't lose you," Maura said softly, keeping her eyes downcast. "I can't lose the one person in the world who loves me."

"Maura…" Jane breathed, setting her serving of salad on the table and taking Maura's from her hands so she could clasp the doctor's hands in her own.

"Logically I know that you returning to desk duty is quite safe but I can't help but worry. What if you have another muscle spasm while walking downstairs and fall? Or what if you exert yourself too much and you set your healing back? What if you participate in an interrogation that seems routine but the suspect becomes enraged and harms you?"

"Did you really just use the phrase 'what if' three times in a row?" Jane asked, hoping to bring levity to the situation.

"I can't lose you, Jane," Maura repeated, finally lifting her gaze to meet Jane's.

"You're not gonna lose me," Jane said firmly. "I promise you, Maura, that you're not gonna lose me."

"You can't promise that," Maura pointed out.

"I can and I will," Jane stated. "I promise that no matter what shit life throws at me or at us, I will never leave you. I will always fight like hell to come back to you. And I'll promise you that I'll only come back to this station to bring you lunch or once I've enjoyed my full medical leave."

"You shouldn't have to promise that to me."

"Have I ever really done what I should do? Or not done what I shouldn't have done?" Jane asked.

"Good point," Maura said with a soft smile. "But, as I said, I'm not sure I can confidently tell you that I don't want you to ask Lieutenant Cavanaugh for a part time desk job. Part of me also wants you to ease your way back into work."

"And I think easing my way back into full duty could be really beneficial," Jane said as she began to rub her thumbs over Maura's knuckles. "I start at a desk a few hours a day, then maybe after a couple weeks do full days at the desk. Then when the end of my medical leave rolls around, it'll be less shocking for my body and mind to get back out there."

"Plus you could come down to visit me without needing to sign in," Maura said with a soft smile.

"That's pretty much the best reason ever," Jane laughed. "And the medical leave I'm on is paid but I just feel like…I wanna feel like I'm actually contributing to our relationship. I wanna be able to buy groceries to make you dinner or take you out to dinner and a movie. Maybe chip in for utilities since I'm practically living at your place."

"You don't have to pay for utilities and, if you'd like, we can go grocery shopping together and I can cover the cost of whatever you'll be cooking since I'll be eating the food as well," Maura offered.

"Nope," Jane said with a smile. "I'm not gonna mooch off of you. I want to contribute, even if just a little bit. And working will help me feel like I'm actually contributing, both at home and here at work. Plus, I was totally serious when I said I was going stir crazy. Like, I'm gonna lose my mind if I'm stuck alone all day for the next month."

"I'd hate for that to happen," Maura teased.

"Yeah, cuz then you'd have to put me in a straightjacket and I don't really think Chanel or Louis Vuitton make straightjackets," Jane laughed.

"I don't think they do, either," Maura smiled.

"So, what do we do now?" Jane asked, squeezing Maura's hands gently. "And don't you dare say it's up to me because it's up to us."

"I think we should finish this lovely lunch you've made, maybe snuggle for a little bit, and then share a good luck kiss before you go up to see if Lieutenant Cavanaugh is in a good mood."

"Really?" Jane asked, her smile widening. "You're saying you'd be cool with me coming back part time? Or at least asking Cav if I can?"

"That is what I'm saying," Maura grinned.

"I love you," Jane said, dropping Maura's hands to place them on the doctor's cheeks, kissing her happily. "I love you, I love you, I love you," she repeated in between kisses.

"I love you, too," Maura laughed in between Jane's kisses. "Let's eat because I do have to do work at some point today."

* * *

Maura was standing in the middle of the morgue, attempting to work through a recent toxicology report with Susie at her side when Jane entered the morgue a little over an hour later.

"Hi, Susie," Jane greeted with a smile.

"Hi, Detective Rizzoli," Susie smiled. "It's good to see you up and back around here."

"It feels pretty damn good to be up and around here," Jane replied, excitedly shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"Susie," Maura said as she noticed Jane's shifting. "Would you mind taking the samples from this case back to the lab and asking them to run tests specifically for opiates?"

"Of course, Dr. Isles," Susie replied. "I'll have them put a rush on it and get the results to you as soon as I can," she added before smiling at Jane and leaving the morgue.

"Well?" Maura asked hopefully.

"He's gonna let me come back!" Jane blurted.

"Are you serious?" Maura asked, loving the way Jane's face shone with excitement.

"Dead serious! I mean, there are conditions to me coming back but he said I could do a few hours at my desk every day," Jane beamed.

"Jane, honey, that's amazing!" Maura gushed, opening her arms to offer a hug to the detective.

"I didn't think he was gonna let me," Jane thought out loud as she stepped into Maura's arms and embraced her fiercely.

"You must be so thrilled," Maura smiled as she leaned her upper body back to look into Jane's eyes. "Let me take you out to celebrate tonight. Anywhere you want, no comments about health or lack thereof."

"Can we go to that place right next to BCU with the calzones bigger than my face?" Jane asked.

"Anywhere you want," Maura grinned. "Come into my office and tell me about the conditions the lieutenant gave you," Maura instructed as she left Jane's embrace and tugged on her hand.

Once they were safely in Maura's office, the doctor tugged on the front of the blazer Jane wore and pressed her lips to Jane's, sliding her hands under the blazer to rest at the small of Jane's back. They remained locked in a searing kiss, thankful for the privacy of Maura's office until their lungs begged for oxygen.

"Congratulations, detective," Maura breathed, making no effort to let go of Jane.

"Thank you, doctor," Jane grinned.

"So, what are these conditions you've been given?" Maura asked.

"I have to obviously get a doctor's clearance," Jane stated. "And Cav made it very clear that my doctor couldn't be you. I also have to meet with the BPD psychologist once a week to make sure that I'm good to be back. He also told Frost and Korsak that if they ever catch me taking pain meds or making any sort of pained face, I'm back out. But he said I could work 10am to 2pm, Mondays through Fridays as long as I do all those things."

"I'm so happy for you," Maura smiled as she rested her head over Jane's heart and squeezed the detective tighter.

"He also said I have to write a speech for when they give me my stupid award," Jane said. "Like, actually write it and have someone confirm that it's written so I don't just get up to the podium and make a fool of the department."

"You know you can count on me to help you write it if you'd like," Maura said softly. "Or simply act as the person to vouch that you've written a speech."

"Thanks," Jane smiled. "God, today is just amazing. I'm on my way back to full duty and I'm holding the most beautiful woman in the world and later I get to eat my weight in an ooey gooey cheesy calzone."

"I don't know if you should eat your weight in a calzone," Maura laughed.

"Hey, you said you wouldn't comment about the lack of health in the restaurant I picked," Jane whined.

"I wasn't commenting on the health," Maura smirked. "I was commenting on the fact that if you eat your weight in calzone, you will most likely feel incredibly tired due to all the carbohydrates and will be unable to celebrate properly with me when we return home."

"Celebrate properly?" Jane asked.

"Mmhmm," Maura hummed, tilting her head up to kiss Jane's neck.

"I like the sound of that," Jane sighed.

"I do, too," Maura agreed. "But I need to get back to work if we're going to go out and celebrate later," she added sadly.

"Text me when you're on your way home?" Jane asked, pulling away from Maura slightly.

"I will," Maura promised. "I love you and am so happy for you," she added as she kissed Jane gently.

"I love you, too," Jane murmured against Maura's lips.

* * *

Maura entered her house, calling out to Jane as she hung her keys on the rack by the door.

"In the living room!" Jane called from where she sat on the couch, absent-mindedly petting Jo.

"Hi," Maura greeted when she entered the living room, leaning over the back of the couch to kiss the top of Jane's head. "Did you want to head out to dinner now?"

"Can, uh, we stay here for a few minutes?" Jane asked.

"Of course," Maura said. "Are you okay?"

"I just…Come sit with me," Jane said, patting the couch next to her.

"Jane," Maura said, worry evident in her voice as she sat next to Jane. "This seems oddly similar to the scenes in movies or television where a person is being dumped."

"What?" Jane asked, whipping her head to look at Maura. "Oh, Maura, no. No, no, no," Jane said quickly. "I'm not breaking up with you at all."

"Good," Maura said with a nervous laugh. "This is why you're the only one who should listen to their gut."

"Yeah, leave the gut feelings to me for now," Jane replied. "It's just, uh, I wanted to read you my next letter before we go out. Open up to you and stuff."

"Okay," Maura nodded. "I'd love to hear the next letter."

"Cool," Jane said as she grabbed the envelope from the coffee table and opened it.

_Hey, Maura.  
I went to the convenience store at the end of my block earlier today because I was really craving eggs for breakfast but I didn't have any left. So I walked there to get eggs and some other essentials, doing my shopping as quickly as possible. I got to the checkout and the cashier was staring at me like I was some sort of alien. Then all of a sudden the cashier—some skinny little teenager dude with braces—recognizes me as the hero cop who saved headquarters. He knew my name and kept telling me how honored he was to meet me and how cool it was that I did what I did to save the city from dirty cops. He said he hopes I come back to the store so we can talk more about being a cop and shit.  
Maura, I don't want any of that. I don't want people to recognize me as some dumb hero cop. God, I don't want anything like that at all. I don't wanna go to the convenience store or the gym or gas station and be recognized as the hero cop who shot herself. I just wanna go back to being plain old Detective Rizzoli, not recognized by anyone on the streets.  
This sucks, Maura. I don't know if I've ever felt as uncomfortable as I felt when the cashier was staring at me or telling me how I'm the street's very own celebrity. I hate this. I hate it so much.  
And I really miss you.  
Jane._

"I guess I just wanted to read that to you in case I start acting fidgety or whatever tonight," Jane said as she tossed the letter back onto the coffee table.

"If you'd like, I can go to the restaurant and get the calzones to-go," Maura offered.

"No," Jane said as she shook her head. "I really wanna go out and stuff. I'm just nervous, I guess. That someone's gonna freak out when they see me and start babbling about how I'm a hero and stuff and I'll feel uncomfortable and then our celebratory date will be awkward."

"It's okay to be nervous, you know," Maura smiled as she took one of Jane's hands in her own.

"Heroes don't get nervous," Jane muttered.

"Well, it's a good thing you refuse to be a hero," Maura said. "I mean it, Jane. Being nervous is okay. Not wanting to be recognized when you're out trying to celebrate with your girlfriend is a very okay thing to want."

"Can I ask you to do something for me?"

"You can always ask me for anything," Maura stated.

"If someone does recognize me or stares or whatever, can you, like, keep me distracted? Start talking about the history of Italian food or the best climates for growing different herbs and spices. Just keep me distracted so I don't get crabby or self-conscious," Jane asked.

"I would love to do that," Maura grinned.

"Really?" Jane said.

"Really," Maura promised. "It isn't very often you request my Google mouth," she teased.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jane laughed softly. "Don't get used to it," she added with a wink.

"You know you love my Google mouth," Maura smirked. "But let's stop talking and get up. Those calzones are calling your name and I think the Mercedes might be doing the same thing."

* * *

Jane had never been more thankful for rowdy teenagers and boisterous college students than she was that night as she and Maura were able to sit in the restaurant and enjoy their dinner without any talk of heroes or recognition. They each ordered a calzone that, when delivered, did prove to be almost as large as Jane's face. In between bites of the meal, they joked about work, planned what meals they would make in the upcoming week, and happily enjoyed each other's company.

It wasn't until they left the restaurant and began their drive home that both women's minds were reminded of Maura's suggestion of a proper celebration when the doctor placed her hand on Jane's thigh and allowed her fingers to ghost over Jane's slacks.

"Your hand's getting pretty cozy," Jane commented, sneaking a glance at Maura when she stopped the car at a red light.

"Mmhmmm," Maura agreed, keeping her eyes closed as she continued to move her fingers up and down, her palm remaining in place.

"Are you sure you-"

"Yes," Maura interrupted, opening her eyes to turn and watch as Jane as the light turned green and they began to move forward. "I want to be with you tonight. Fully and without barriers," she said.

"I want that, too," Jane admitted.

"It's a shame we don't have the lights and sirens to get us home faster," Maura said with a grin, laughing gently when she felt Jane press down harder on the gas pedal.

"You, uh, know that I've never done this before, right? Like, with a woman."

"Neither have I," Maura admitted. "But I have complete faith that we will be just fine tonight."

"I love you, Maura," Jane said, her voice laced with a mixture of reverence, honestly, and desire.

"And I love you," Maura said, squeezing Jane's thigh briefly.

Minutes later, Jane was pulling the Mercedes into Maura's garage and quickly pulling the keys from the ignition.

"I'm gonna take Jo out for her business but I'll meet you in the bedroom?" she asked, turning to look at Maura, still seated in the passenger seat.

"Sounds like a plan," Maura smiled, sliding from the car and walking into her house.

Jane quickly followed, watching Maura's hips sway as she made her way up the stairs before calling out to Jo and attaching the leash to her collar, praying that the small dog wouldn't dawdle.

As Jane waited for Jo to fins an appropriate place to empty her bladder, Maura was attempting to calm her racing heart as she entered her bedroom. It raced with a combination of nerves at the idea of exposing her body to someone, excitement over finally being with Jane in the fullest sense, and a twinge of worry that perhaps Jane might change her mind.

She took several deep breaths as she entered her closet, slipping her heels from her feet and placing them back in their appropriate box. She then moved to the area in her closet reserved for jewelry and began to pull her accessories off: earrings, watch, and necklace all being placed meticulously in their respective places.

"I dunno what I did to deserve someone like you, but holy hell am I thankful."

Maura spun around to face the doorway to her large closet, smiling when she saw Jane leaning against the doorframe. She had put on her work clothes due to her visit to the station and Maura couldn't help but love the black slacks, white button up, and matching black blazer that Jane wore.

"You've done so many things to deserve me," Maura complimented as she walked over to stand in front of Jane, her lack of heels highlighting their height difference. "But I think the most important thing you've ever done is see me."

"See you?" Jane asked, reaching out to place her hands on Maura's hips, rubbing the black lace covered dress she wore.

"Yes," Maura smiled. "You see me. Where others see Queen of the Dead or a walking Encyclopedia Britannica or an aesthetically pleasing body, you see me. Maura Isles, the human being."

"And I really, really like what I see," Jane smiled before tilting her head down to capture Maura's lips in a gentle kiss.

Maura slid her hands underneath Jane's blazer, running them up and down Jane's sides before coming to rest at the small of her back.

"I always thought that our first time would be something explosive," Maura whispered when their lips separated, though their foreheads rested against each other.

"So, you imagined our first time to be crazy hot, ripped clothes thrown all over the place?" Jane asked with a smile.

"No," Maura replied. "Well, the logical part of my brain assumed it would that, yes. That it would be fast and frenzied. But when I allowed myself to imagine what I truly wanted our first time to be like, it was slow and intimate and perfect."

"I think slow, intimate, and perfect sounds absolutely wonderful," Jane whispered, pressing her lips to Maura's once again before beginning to walk backwards out of the closet and towards the bed, never taking her lips from Maura's.

When they reached the bed, Maura wasted no time before sliding her hands up Jane's midsection, skirting over her breasts, and pushing the blazer from Jane's shoulders, not caring that it landed in a heap on the floor.

"Wrinkles?" Jane asked when they separated for air.

"Don't particularly care about those at the moment," Maura admitted, her arms wrapping around Jane's neck to resume the slow, almost leisurely kiss they had been sharing.

Seconds, perhaps minutes ticked by as they remained standing, simply kissing and letting the anticipation for what was to come build.

"Let's move to the bed," Maura suggested breathlessly.

"Yeah," Jane agreed. "But, uh, aw this is probably gonna kill the mood," she stammered.

"I highly doubt anything you say could kill the mood," Maura assured the detective.

"I dunno if I can be on top since I'd have to bend down and my gut might not appreciate that," Jane admitted. "So, uh, can you maybe be on top for now?"

"I would love to be on top," Maura smiled. "I think I'll enjoy the view from on top quite nicely," she added as she guided Jane into a seated position on the edge of the bed, nodding her head to encourage her to crawl backwards until her head rested on the doctor's plush pillows.

"You'll promise to tell me if anything begins to hurt or cause you discomfort?" Maura asked, slowly placing her knees on either side of Jane's hips and relaxing down, their pelvises fitting snugly together.

"I promise," Jane nodded, her hands coming up to once again rest on Maura's hips. "Just, uh, follow the general rule of don't pin my hands in any way. Kay?"

"Okay," Maura smiled, leaning down to kiss Jane gently. When she pulled away and sat back up, her hands were fiddling with the bottom button of Jane's shirt. "May I?" she asked.

"Yeah," Jane said with a nod, unable to pull her eyes away from Maura's face as she watched the doctor's expression as she slowly undid each button of Jane's shirt. "Stupid layers," Maura muttered when she was met with a ribbed white tank top instead of olive skin.

"Sorry," Jane laughed.

"You should be," Maura teased as she tugged on Jane's tank top, prompting the brunette to sit up and shuck her button up off and toss it aside, letting out a laugh when Maura's hands instantly went to the bottom of the tank top and lifted it over Jane's head to reveal a simple white cotton bra. "You are so stunning," Maura praised, pressing gently on Jane's shoulders to lie her back down on the bed.

"Thanks," Jane murmured.

"You are very welcome," Maura said as she leaned back down to kiss Jane softly. "Unzip me?" she whispered as she felt Jane's hands move to run up and down her spine.

Jane simply nodded, keeping the kiss going as she located the zipper at the back of the dress and slowly pulled it down. When it reached its lowest point, she slid her hands back up to touch the warm skin of Maura's back.

"Take it off," Jane commanded gently. "Please, Maura. Take it off."

Locking eyes with Jane, Maura pulled herself off of the woman beneath her and stood beside the bed, the bedside lamp casting the room with a warm glow. Jane propped herself up on her elbows and watched as Maura pushed the dress from her shoulders and shimmied slightly until the dress was off and carefully draped over the chair at her vanity.

"Get back up here," Jane said, her voice low and thick with arousal as she took in the matching black lace undergarments Maura wore.

Swiftly, Maura crawled back onto the bed and her perch straddling Jane, her hands immediately coming to rest on Jane's belt buckle.

"May I take this off as well?" she asked softly.

"Please," Jane breathed, her arousal growing stronger as she felt Maura deftly unbuckle her belt and unzip her pants, tugging them down to reveal simple white cotton boy shorts. "Not nearly as fancy as yours," Jane said when her pants were on the floor and both she and Maura were in equal states of undress.

"I don't care," Maura shrugged as she leaned down and pressed the lengths of their bodies together. "They're just going to end up on the floor anyways," she whispered in Jane's ear before taking the lobe between her teeth and nibbling gently.

"Oh, God," Jane sighed as her hips lifted up without her permission, seeking as much contact with Maura as possible.

"I love you," Maura said as she began to pepper Jane's neck and collarbones with kisses. "And I think you are brave and beautiful and mine," she added in between kisses.

Jane could only nod her head, her hands slipping underneath the lace material of Maura's panties to grasp her ass. She began to massage the firm muscle, saying a silent prayer of thanks up for the heels that helped keep Maura's ass in the shape it was in. She was so focused on the way Maura's firm backside felt in her hands that she didn't realize Maura's hands had slid beneath her to the clasp of her bra until the doctor's lips were back at her ear.

"I want to take this off of you right this instant," she murmured.

"You never have to ask to take my clothes off," Jane sighed happily.

Laughing softly, Maura unclasped Jane's bra and flung it away, sitting up so her eyes could quickly dart to the mounds of flesh she could see without barrier for the first time.

"You're staring," Jane said, slightly self-consciously as she noticed Maura's eyes traveling all around her body and face.

"Just trying to memorize this," Maura admitted. "The way you look and the way it feels to see you this way for the first time. I didn't mean to make you self-conscious."

"Well, you could make it up to me by taking your own bra off and letting me do some staring of my own," Jane suggested with a waggle of her eyebrows.

Chuckling, Maura reached behind her and unclasped her bra and tossed it behind her, nipples hardening instantly from the cool air and Jane's hungry gaze.

"Remember how you said your nipples never had strong responses to stimulation before?" Jane asked, sliding her hands onto Maura's hips before moving to her back. "And I said I kinda wanted to see if maybe I could make you writhe in pleasure?

"Yes," Maura confirmed.

"We're gonna see if I can make that happen now," she said, pressing down on Maura's back to bring the blonde back into a horizontal position on top of her, tongue instantly darting out to lavish attention to a pink bud.

"Oh, God," Maura gasped, holding herself up with her hands next to Jane's head.

Although Jane had never been with another woman, she found herself enthralled by the sounds Maura made above her and the way it felt to run her tongue over the soft breast. Her own previous experiences with men paying attention only to one breast urged her to slide a free hand up to cup the breast not in her mouth, rubbing a thumb over the nipple before pinching it slightly.

"Am I doing okay?" Jane asked smugly when she let the nipple slip from her mouth, pressing kisses across Maura's chest until she reached the other breast.

"You're doing so much better than okay," Maura gasped as she felt Jane take her other breast into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it as her hand toyed with the other her lips had just abandoned. "So good," she moaned as she felt teeth lightly graze the sensitive nub.

Jane continued her gentle ministrations on Maura's breasts, not missing the way Maura's hips began a subtle rocking motion to seek any sort of friction.

Minutes passed as Jane continued to alternate which breast her mouth worked over, gently introducing teeth to run over hardened tips as Maura's hips began to thrust more noticeably against Jane

"Jane," Maura moaned, moving to balance her weight on only one arm so she could sweep her hair over one shoulder and keep it off her rapidly heating body.

"Hmm?" Jane hummed, not pulling her mouth from the breast she was currently nibbling on.

"I think I might—oh, goodness," she gasped as she felt Jane bite onto one nipple and pinch the other between her fingers at the same time.

"Let go, Maur," Jane murmured, her free hand returning to Maura's ass to add power to Maura's thrusts.

Hearing Jane's gentle command encouraged Maura to thrust rapidly against the detective, the underwear she still wore scraping deliciously against her swollen clit as she began to moan and felt her extremities begin to tingle.

She threw her head back, gasping as she chased the orgasm she desperately wanted to achieve. Jane sensed this desperation and redoubled her efforts to make the woman above her come unraveled, lifting her own hips up to meet Maura's, pushing the blonde above her over the edge.

"Jane!" Maura cried out, her body freezing momentarily before the pleasure crashed down on her and she shuddered through the climax, hips grinding down to extend the momentous occasion with Jane as long as possible.

"That's it," Jane encouraged, kissing her way up Maura's throat. "Give it all to me, Maur."

Maura shuddered one final time before slowly lowering herself to rest fully on top of Jane, her logical brain reminding her of Jane's still healing injury.

"You are so beautiful," Jane murmured as she slid her hand up from Maura's ass to run up and down her spine, a thin layer of sweat forming on pale skin. "I am so fucking lucky," she thought out loud.

"I just achieved orgasm and you're the lucky one?" Maura breathed.

"Yep," Jane chuckled as she used her free hand to gather Maura's curls and move them off her damp neck.

"Give me a minute to recover and you'll be even luckier," Maura sighed as she finally began to catch her breath.

"Take your time," Jane soothed as she pressed a kiss to the crown of Maura's head. "We've got all night."

"Yes, we do," Maura said as she lifted her head up to look down at Jane. "Can I tell you something?" she asked softly.

"You can tell me anything," Jane smiled.

"I want to taste you."

"Holy shit," Jane groaned as a jolt of arousal shocked her core.

"Is that a good 'holy shit' or a bad one?" Maura asked.

"A nervous one," Jane admitted. "Uh, I've only let someone do that, like, a handful a times. And I've never…ya know."

"Was it not pleasurable?" Maura asked.

"Not really," Jane said softly. "It made me feel super exposed and I guess the guy wasn't very good at it so…Yeah."

"Okay," Maura smiled as she pressed her lips to Jane's tenderly. "I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with," she promised.

"What if I was comfortable with you doing that?" Jane asked, locking eyes with Maura's.

"I would do my best to make it as pleasurable as possible," Maura said gently. "Would you like me to do it?"

Jane simply nodded.

Heart swelling at the trust and courage Jane was putting in Maura, the doctor couldn't help but kiss the detective fiercely.

"Relax and let me love you, okay?" Maura murmured.

"Okay," Jane said, letting go of Maura's hair and allowing both of her hands to rest at her sides on the bed.

Maura began to place wet, open mouth kisses down Jane's neck and chest, stopping to flick her tongue over dark pink nipples tightened with arousal.

"You are exquisite," Maura praised as she worked her way down Jane's abs, stopping to place a reverent kiss to the circular scar Jane had inflicted on herself.

She continued to move down Jane's body, kissing her way down Jane's right thigh and leg before moving up the left leg and thigh. She reached the white boy shorts that acted as the last barrier between she and Jane and placed a kiss to the waistband, fingers hooking under the elastic to pull them off.

"Wait."

Maura quickly lifted her head up to look at Jane, searching for a sign of pain or fear.

"I, uh, shit," Jane breathed, frustrated at her inability to discuss sex as openly as Maura. "What if I wanted to do this together?" she asked.

"Together?" Maura asked eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"Yeah," Jane said. "Ya know. Together."

"Do you mean-"

"Yes," Jane interrupted, not wanting to hear the phrase come from Maura's mouth. "I have no idea why I wanna do that or if I'll be any good but could we try?"

"Of course, my love," Maura smiled, hooking her finger back under the waistband of Jane's underwear and pulling them down, sliding off the end of the bed and dropping the garment to the floor. Just like when she pulled her dress off, Maura locked eyes with Jane as she pushed her underwear down past her hips until they fell to the floor and she could step out of them.

"Oh, sweet Jesus," Jane breathed when her eyes noticed the way Maura's arousal was clearly visible even from a distance. "You're so wet, Maura," she said as she looked back up to Maura's eyes.

"I told you," Maura whispered. "The lubrication my body produces is rather abundant."

"Well, thank God for that," Jane chuckled. "Now get back over here and let's do this."

Trusting Jane just as Jane trusted Maura, the doctor crawled onto the bed and pressed a kiss to Jane's lips.

"There's no pressure," Maura whispered. "If you can't come or if I'm unable to come, there is no pressure or need to feel embarrassed."

"Oh, you'll be coming," Jane smirked, firmly believing that faking her confidence would maybe create real confidence in what she was about to do.

Eyes widening at Jane's cocky smirk, Maura quickly crawled over Jane, her head just above Jane's surprisingly hairless mound as she felt Jane's breath tickling her own apex.

Maura inhaled deeply, memorizing the intoxicating scent that was purely Jane, before she made one long and firm swipe with her tongue through Jane's folds, the taste exploding on her taste buds and making her moan.

Feeling Maura's tongue begin to explore her aroused flesh, Jane used her hands to separate Maura's lips and expose a firm clit. Based on her own pleasure, Jane knew that was where she would focus. Before she lost courage, she flicked her tongue over the little bundle of nerves and was rewarded with a small jolt and pleasurable gasp from the women she was pleasing.

Emboldened, Jane began to swirl her tongue over Maura's clit, keeping her outer lips held open for a clear view of what she was doing to the doctor.

Maura, for her part, was contentedly lapping at Jane's arousal, occasionally plunging her tongue into her to collect wetness directly from the source before moving to suckle at Jane's clit.

"Please, Jane," Maura gasped as she felt the detective wrap her lips around her clit and begin to suck gently. "Please put your fingers inside of me," she begged.

"Anything you want," Jane murmured, moving her left hand from where it held Maura's lips open to slide a single finger inside of her lover.

"More," Maura moaned as she felt Jane's finger slide into her. "I need more."

"I need more, too," Jane managed to say as she added another finger into Maura and began to slowly thrust in and out, her tongue still moving over a straining clit.

Giving herself a few moments to savor the pleasure of Jane's fingers moving inside of her and her lips surrounding her clit, Maura moaned loudly before pushing two of her own fingers inside of Jane and concentrating until she matched the rhythm Jane had set with her long fingers.

Words required too much thought and soon the only sounds in the room were of the wetness between both women's legs and the moans neither could hold back. The only words the women could manage to form were the other woman's name, often said to beg for more or simply to remind themselves that they were finally making love to the other.

"Jane," Maura gasped, forcing herself to pull her lips from Jane's clit and the wonderful wetness she knew she would soon be addicted to. "I'm so close."

"You can let go," Jane encouraged, barely lifting her lips from Maura before speeding her fingers up.

"Want to with you," the doctor managed to say as she felt her fingers and toes begin to tingle in the all too familiar way that signaled an impending orgasm. "Together. Please tell me how to make you come."

"Another finger," Jane groaned. "And please don't stop using your mouth."

Following Jane's command, Maura swiftly added a third finger and felt the delicious way Jane's inner walls squeezed her fingers. Her lips began to suck at Jane's clit with a new found vigor, her tongue flicking over the nub rapidly. Her own orgasm was looming and she wanted to do this just as Jane wanted.

Together.

"Maur," Jane choked out as she felt the doctor curl her fingers upwards. "I'm gonna…" she trailed off, unable to continue as her orgasm slammed into her and caused her back to arch, a long moan expelled from her lungs.

Feeling, tasting, seeing, and hearing Jane tumble over the edge sent Maura over her own edge, her walls contracting around Jane's fingers as her own moans joined Jane's and filled the room.

Both women rode the waves of their tandem climax until the last shudders passed through them and Maura managed to find enough energy to roll off of Jane and collapse at her side, her orgasm made that much stronger based on the simple fact it was with Jane.

Maura remained on her back, breathing heavily as she attempted to gather the energy required to turn her body to snuggle up with Jane. That, however, wasn't required because she soon felt Jane's nose nuzzling her neck and a strong arm wrapped around her midsection.

"Hi," Maura said, her throat dry from the sounds she had been making.

"Hi," Jane whispered as she held Maura close. "That was so amazing, Maura."

"Agreed," Maura smiled. "I should turn around to sleep with my head on the pillows but I can't seem to find the energy to move."

"I'm that good, huh?"

"Oh, yes," Maura praised as she moved an arm up and around Jane's shoulders to fiddle with dark curls. "Although we certainly may need to perform further studies. Perhaps perform experiments to increase stamina."

"For once, I truly love your Googlemouth and science speak," Jane laughed as she pressed a kiss to Maura's sweaty neck.

"I love you," Maura sighed dreamily as she felt Jane's kiss.

"Love you too, Maura. So, so much."

* * *

**Holy. Shit. This is the longest chapter I have ever written. Ever. I hope it was worth the super long wait! I know that Jane going back to work after only a month is, like, next to impossible but whatever. Fiction doesn't have to make perfect sense.**

**As I said before, I am so sorry that it took me so long to update. Personal life really went downhill and the darkness kinda sucked me in. I'm still being sucked in but I hope that you all enjoyed this installment.**

**If any of ya'll wanna connect via Tumblr, my URL is lifeisuntitled. It's got some Rizzles, some Broadway, plus tons of random stuff. Feel free to introduce yourself! I love new friends!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm back with an update! Thank you all so much for the kind words you had for the last chapter. I do apologize that this chapter has taken a while to get written but I've got this fic, Newlyweds, plus my One Shot Wonders and clearly juggling is not my forte.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Eventually, both women managed to catch their breath and muster the energy required to turn themselves around and tug Maura's blankets up and over their bodies. Maura was on her side an arm draped over Jane's midsection as the detective relaxed on her back.

"Is this okay?" Maura murmured nervously as she gently moved her thumb over a small patch of Jane's skin.

"Is what okay?" Jane asked, the fingers she had been running through Maura's hair stopping as she turned her head to look down at Maura.

"Cuddling," Maura clarified. "I remember you once telling me you usually aren't one who enjoys cuddling after sex."

"Well, that was before I'd had sex with you," Jane smiled, pressing a gently kiss to the crown of Maura's head.

"So, this is okay?" Maura asked again.

"Yeah," Jane replied. "It's okay."

"Good," Maura smiled as she snuggled closer to Jane.

A comfortable silence fell between the two, both women lost in their own thoughts. They were both tired but neither wanted to be the first to fall asleep. After several long minutes, Jane spoke softly.

"I have a session with the BPD psychologist tomorrow," Jane said softly.

"Lieutenant Cavanaugh scheduled you to go already?" Maura asked.

"No, this appointment was scheduled before. I had to meet with her right after getting out of the hospital, then again two weeks after the siege, and we're meeting tomorrow. Then I'll start the weekly sessions Cav ordered me to do," Jane explained.

"Oh," was Maura's simple reply.

"I've been thinking about the sessions," Jane said nervously.

"Would you like to share your thoughts with me?" Maura asked, pressing a gentle kiss to Jane's neck.

"Tomorrow Lisa—that's her name and she's actually a pretty cool lady—and I will probably talk about how I'm healing and the nightmares and all that standard stuff," Jane said as she began to run her fingers through Maura's curls. "I'll also obviously tell her that I've landed the most gorgeous and intelligent woman in the world by reading her the silly letters I wrote her for the past month," she laughed.

"Jane, that's an exaggeration and you know it," Maura said, a blush still creeping up her chest and cheeks.

"Nah, I don't think so," Jane shrugged. "But, uh, I was thinking that maybe…If you wanted to in the future…I mean, it's just an idea but…"

"Jane," Maura said gently, lifting her head from where it rested to look down at Jane, brunette curls sprawled on the pillow around her head like a halo. "I've only heard you stumble over your words like that a handful of times."

"Sorry," Jane muttered.

"No, don't apologize," Maura soothed as she moved her hand from across Jane's midsection to cup her cheek gently. "Just remember that I love you and you can ask me anything you'd like. No judgment, I promise."

"I was thinking that maybe one day you might want to come to a session with me," Jane said softly, eyes looking away from Maura's gentle gaze. "Either to talk about how me shooting myself affected you or if you're struggling with anything about the shooting. I know you had nightmares so maybe it could be something we do together? I dunno."

"I would be honored to join you," Maura replied without hesitation.

"Really?" Jane asked, her nervous eyes darting to meet Maura's.

"Yes," Maura smiled. "I will always be receptive to you when you want to open up to me or ask me to be open with you," she promised.

"I suck at being open with a lot of people but I wanna be open with you," Jane admitted.

"And I feel so honored that you are letting me see all parts of you," Maura smiled. "Sharing the letters with me, being so open with me, allowing me to make love to you, and offering me the opportunity to join you in your therapy session are honors I don't take lightly."

"Make love, huh?" Jane said with a soft smile. "Not sure if I'd ever done that before tonight."

"Well, I certainly consider what we did tonight making love and I certainly plan on doing it again in the future," Maura replied, placing a gentle kiss to Jane's lips. "Plus other various bedroom related activities, of course."

"Good," Jane grinned, pressing another kiss to Maura's smiling lips.

"I mean what I said," Maura said as she relaxed her head back down to nuzzle against Jane. "I am so honored you choose to trust me and will join you in whatever therapy session you choose to schedule."

"Thank you," Jane murmured as she gave Maura a soft squeeze. "Sweet dreams, Maur."

"Sweet dreams to you, too."

* * *

Jane knew something was wrong the minute Jane entered her office for their standard lunch date, her jaw tight and nostrils flaring.

"Jane?" she asked, standing up from the chair behind her desk as she watched the detective toss a paper bag onto the counter.

"I didn't have time to make lunch so I stopped at that vegan café you like and got you that black bean burger thing you like," Jane said as she gestured to the bag on the table but made no move to sit down.

"Jane, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Maura asked as she shut the door to her office from any who might feel the desire to eavesdrop before walking towards her girlfriend.

"That fucking shrink is what's wrong!" Jane snapped.

"Your therapist?" Maura asked, reaching out to place her hand on Jane's shoulder only to have Jane shrug away from her touch. "I—I thought you said she was someone you didn't mind talking to," Maura said, stammering slightly as Jane shied from her touch.

"I didn't mind talking to her until we had our session today and now I just wanna punch something," she said as she clenched her fists and searched for a safe item to punch.

"Jane," Maura said firmly as she moved to stand in front of Jane and placed her hands on Jane's biceps. "Calm down. You are not going to punch anything. You're going to take a deep breath and tell me what on Earth has gotten into you."

"That stupid shrink," Jane muttered angrily. "I told her that we were together and ya wanna know what she said to me?"

"What did she say?" Maura asked calmly.

"She said maybe it was wrong we're together."

"She said what?" Maura asked, trying to mask her hurt.

"Yeah, she said that maybe us being together is wrong," Jane said as she pulled away from Maura and began to pace. "And not cuz she's, like, a homophobic asshole or anything. She said that you and I are both in vulnerable places right now after the siege. I'm recovering physically and we both had traumatic experiences during the siege with me being hostage and you having to try and save Frankie which is pretty stressful and just the overall shit show that day was," Jane explained, her anger and frustration clear in her voice. "And so she says that maybe we're just in raw emotional states and so we're using each other for comfort and affection as we heal and that once we're both back to 100%, we'll realize the relationship is shit and fuck everything up here at work and in our personal lives."

"Jane," Maura said softly, fighting the terror rising in her that perhaps Jane was on the verge of believing what her therapist had said.

"I tell that shrink that I've finally realized how I feel about you and that, by some sorta miracle, you feel the same way about me and we're so happy together. That we've built goofy stuffed animals together and you let me cook you dinner and we've been working through the letters I wrote and that I am so in love with you and she has the nerve…" Jane trailed off, running a hand through her hair as she sank down onto Maura's couch. "She has the nerve to tell me that maybe I should stop all of it now. Stop practically living at your place and just give you the letters to read on your own and stop cuddling and kissing and loving you until, like, 2 months into the future."

"Are you done?" Maura asked, sitting next to Jane and tentatively reaching out to tuck a curl behind her ear.

"For now, yes," Jane sighed.

"Lisa brings up a valid point," Maura said gently. "No, listen to me," Maura quickly said when she saw anger flash across Jane's face. "She does have a valid point when she says we are both in very vulnerable times after what happened here. And if it were any other couple, I might be inclined to see even more reason in her observation. But this is us, Jane. And you know there's been something between us for far longer than the month since the siege."

"Has it really, though?" Jane asked, her jaws clenched tightly together. "Has something been between us for longer than the month since the siege?"

"I beg your pardon?" Maura asked, the terror in her growing. "I thought that when I told you I loved you at the BCU observatory and that I'd imagined us as a couple, you understood that the images I had of you and I being together were not new."

"No, I understood that," Jane clarified.

"Then why did you just ask if-"

"What if Lisa is right?" Jane interrupted, once again rising to her feet. "What if we're just using each other for comfort and then in another month we're gonna have this messy break up and awkward tension at work?"

"Do you really believe that?" Maura asked, her voice timid and afraid at what Jane might say.

"I don't know what I believe!" Jane snapped. "I thought I was in love with you but then Lisa has to put this stupid little nugget of doubt in my head and screw it all up."

"Is there anything I can do to soothe the doubt?" Maura asked, making no move to rise from the couch.

"You shouldn't _have _to try and soothe my doubt," Jane stated harshly. "I thought love was supposed to be calm and trusting and without any sort of doubts," she added, her voice gentler.

"Love is incredibly complicated and varies by each individual person," Maura tried to soothe.

"Look, I'm gonna go back to my apartment tonight," Jane stated. "Sleep in my own bed and make sure my food hasn't all gone to shit."

"Jane, please," Maura said, standing up and beginning to walk towards Jane. "Please don't shut me out. Don't. Not after we've made such progress."

"Just for a night or two," Jane explained as she reached for the door handle.

"Jane, _please_," Maura said, hating her voice for the pleading tone it took.

"I'm sorry," Jane said sadly as she turned the doorknob and quickly walked away from the office, leaving Maura alone with hunched shoulders and without her appetite.

* * *

Maura worked on autopilot the rest of her day, immersing herself in the science of toxicology reports and lab work. With every ring of her phone, she was filled with both hope and fear that it was Jane reaching out to her.

But the name on her screen was never Jane's.

Eventually she forced herself to leave her office at close to 7pm that night, having prolonged her return to an empty house as long as she could.

"Hi, Bass," she sighed when she entered her house. "Oh," she added sadly as she watched Jo scamper from the dog bed she had purchased to greet Maura. "Hello to you, too, Jo," she sighed as she crouched down to scoop the small dog into her arms. "Your mama isn't with me," she explained as she walked towards the stash of Jo's food kept tucked into her cupboard. "But I'll feed you and then you, Bass, and I can have some quality time, yeah?"

Jo barked happily as she watched Maura scoop food into her dish, squirming until the doctor placed her onto the floor so she could eat.

Maura sighed deeply as she pulled strawberries for Bass and set them on his mat, rubbing soft circles on his shell as she felt the all too familiar silence settle over her home.

Refusing to let the silence unsettle her, Maura quickly made her way upstairs to change into her yoga clothing and spend quality time in the yoga room she had been neglecting.

Meanwhile, Jane was grateful for the punching bag Frost and Korsak had gifted her as she taped her hands and wrists and began to furiously punch at the bag, working her body until exhaustion, only to take a break to gulp down water and catch up on sports highlights before returning to the bag.

Both women's thoughts were centered around the other as they attempted to forget about the dull ache in their chests at the separation. After days of being with each other or in contact when apart, the distance between them felt even greater than it was. Maura herself was on the verge of tears when her doorbell sounded throughout her house.

"Frankie," Maura said when she opened her front door and was greeted by the younger Rizzoli.

"Hey," Frankie smiled. "I was at the grocery store picking up some snacks for tonight cuz there's a Matrix marathon tomorrow I wanna be prepared for. I saw this Superman ice cream that we used to eat as kids and I bought Jane a pint and wanted to give it to her," he explained as he held up a pint of a rainbow colored ice cream.

"Oh," Maura said with a sad smile. "Jane isn't here."

"Really? I mean, I just kinda assumed she would be since you guys are together and everything," Frankie replied.

"She usually is here," Maura smiled. "She's been here for the past several days, actually. But she decided to spend a few nights at her apartment so you could probably drop the ice cream off on your way to the station."

"Is, uh, everything okay?" Frankie asked, noticing for the first time how sad Maura looked.

"I'm not sure," Maura admitted. "I thought things were going well but…" she trailed off, an idea hitting her swiftly. "Frankie, can you stay for a few minutes? I need to write something and have you get it to Jane when you see her. Can you come inside?"

"Yeah," Frankie nodded. "I'm still on medical leave so I don't have anywhere to be or anything."

"Thank you," Maura smiled as she opened the door wider and quickly walked to her couch, grabbing the legal pad and pen she kept there. "I'll only be a few minutes," she assured him.

"Take your time," Frankie said as he walked into Maura's house, smiling as Jo began to dance around his feet.

Maura quickly began to write, falling into a deep concentration as the pen flew over the paper and she prayed that what she was doing was as good an idea as she thought it was. Frankie picked Jo up and began to scratch behind her ear, though his eyes were on Maura as she wrote fluidly and didn't take time to stop or pause.

"Done," Maura said after a few more minutes, scanning the paper before folding it up. "Let me grab an envelope from the kitchen drawer and you can bring Jane her ice cream," Maura smiled as she quickly walked to the kitchen and pulled out a plain white envelope, slipping the letter into it.

"Should I be worried that you have something to say to Jane but can only say it with a letter?" Frankie asked as he accepted the envelope Maura handed him.

"No," Maura smiled. "Letters have become an important part of Jane and I's relationship, although she is the one who writes them to me. I feel as though its time I write one to her."

"Okay," Frankie said. "I'll get this to Janie tonight. I hope that, if anything is wrong, whatever you wrote to my sister is gonna help make it better."

"I hope so, too."

* * *

"Frankie, where the heck did you find this?" Jane asked over a mouthful of ice cream. "I swear I haven't seen Superman ice cream since I was in the academy!"

"I was just wandering through the grocery store and there it was," Frankie grinned. "I couldn't resist getting it for you. Which is good since you look like you've been punching that dummy bag for longer than you should."

"Only an hour and a half," Jane shrugged.

"You're punching things for over an hour and Maura is doing her yoga stuff," Frankie chuckled. "It's crazy that you two work so well together when you're so damn different."

"Huh?" Jane asked, turning to face Frankie. "What do you mean Maura is doing her yoga stuff?"

"I went to her place first," Frankie said. "I figured you would be there since, well, you two are together. But I rang the bell and she answered in those yoga clothes chicks wear. She told me you weren't there, that she wasn't sure if everything was okay, and then she gave me something to give to you."

"She gave you something for me?" Jane asked. "And you haven't given it to me yet?"

"I'll give it to you when you tell me what's up," Frankie stated. "I mean, I thought things were going well. Ma said you and her were all lovey when you came to tell them about you two. And I've seen your name on the BPD visitor log when you come to visit Maura. And Frost said you joined him and Korsak at the Robber a few days ago and you were super happy and stuff."

"All that stuff is true," Jane admitted as she poked her spoon at the ice cream in her bowl.

"But…?"

"But I had to talk to the damn BPD shrink today and she shoved this, like, nugget of doubt into me," Jane sighed. "And I freaked out and snapped when I brought Maura her lunch today and told her I was gonna crash here for a few days."

"Janie," Frankie said, looking at his sister with as much disappointment as a little brother can. "Since when have you ever let anyone else's opinions affect you? When was the last time someone said something that made you seriously doubt yourself?"

"Apparently the last time was this morning," Jane said with a frustrated laugh.

"Okay, before today when was the last time someone made you seriously doubt your choices?" Frankie clarified.

"Well, when I was 10 you convinced me that I'd be better off dressing up as Supergirl instead of Wonder Woman for Halloween," Jane said with a smile.

"And?"

"And I still haven't forgiven you for it," Jane laughed.

"Exactly," Frankie pointed out. "You let someone else put a nugget of doubt in your mind a zillion years ago and you're still not over it. Which means if you let that shrink lady get inside your head and you give up on you and Maura, it's gonna be another ten zillion years for you to get over it."

"So, you're saying I should ignore the shrink? Go back to Maura's and tell her that I'm still a hundred percent committed to us?" Jane asked.

"I'm saying that you're the great Jane Rizzoli. The person with better instincts than anyone I've ever met who goes after what she wants, regardless of what dumb doctors say," Frankie smiled. "Which in this case, yeah, means you go back to Maura's and have hot make up sex."

"Frankie!" Jane groaned, shoving her brother's shoulder. "Why ya gotta be such a perv?"

"I'm not!" Frankie laughed. "I'm just sayin' that make up sex can be pretty great."

"Euw, nope. Not having a conversation about sex with my little brother," Jane said.

"Aw, come on. It's-"

"La la la la la," Jane said loudly as she pressed her fingers into her ear. "I can't hear you!"

"Okay, okay," Frankie laughed. "I won't talk about s-e-x anymore," he smirked.

"Good!" Jane laughed. "Euw," she said as she shuddered dramatically at the thought of her brother and sex.

"I lova ya, Janie," Frankie said. "And you might be doubting yourself and all but you shouldn't. Cuz you're great. Really great."

"Thanks," Jane said with a soft smile. "But stop it with this mushy gushy crap," she said quickly. "Go back to being a pain in my ass."

"Gladly," Frankie grinned. "I'm gonna head out cuz I bought some other frozen snacks for the Matrix marathon on TV tomorrow and they're sitting in my car. Probably should get them to my freezer."

"Yeah," Jane said as she placed her bowl on the table in front of her couch, intending to get up to walk Frankie to the door.

"Nope," Frankie said as he pulled the envelope from the front pocket of his hoodie. "You stay here and read whatever it is that Maura wrote you."

"She wrote me a letter?" Jane asked, taking the envelope he handed her.

"Yeah," Frankie shrugged. "Said that letters were important to you but that she felt it was time she wrote you one or somethin' like that."

"Thanks for bringing this to me," Jane said. "Drive safely, okay little brother?"

"You got it."

With that, Frankie left his sister's apartment saying a silent prayer that his sister would trust in herself like he trusted her.

Jane stared at the envelope, smiling as she ran her finger over the words 'My Jane' written in Maura's elegant script. Still feeling twinges of doubt in her mind, Jane set the envelope on her counter and decided she would take a shower to remove the stench of sweat from her body and soothe her aching muscles before reading what Maura had written her.

As Jane stepped into her hot shower, Maura was sitting in her bathtub with lavender scented bath salts as she broke down. She knew Jane was with Frankie but every minute that her phone remained silent tore her a little bit more apart. She cried as the loneliness she hadn't felt in the years since befriending the detective returned, the fear that she would live her life in her home with nothing more than her tortoise as company inching into her bones.

But her tears were for more. They were for the fear of seeing Jane falling to the steps outside of Headquarters that she hadn't spoken to anyone about. They were for the overwhelming desire to hold Jane that she feared she would never do again. They were for the perfect way Jane fit against her body and for the idea that one day she could lose that feeling without warning.

Large tears fell from her eyes as she breathed in the scent of lavender that was so distinctly Jane yet somehow wasn't Jane enough. It soothed her one minute and angered her the next.

She stepped out of her tub suddenly, deciding that she would go to sleep and force her subconscious to ignore Jane since clearly Jane's conscious was ignoring her.

Little did she know that Jane was sitting on her couch in a pair of clean sweat pants and a large Red Sox jersey, reading the letter Maura had written her.

_My dear, sweet, beloved Jane,_

_You are currently filled with doubt about our relationship. Your therapist has suggested that perhaps we're only together because of painful emotions and a desire for physical intimacy. She says the siege is the only reason we're together. _

_She is wrong._

_The siege may be the catalyst that pushed us into each other's arms, yes, but that horrific event is not the reason I fell in love with you. The way you look at me with such compassion, fascination, and love made me fall in love with you. Your passion and confidence and drive made me fall in love with you. The way you cheer on the Red Sox and place a hand at the small of my back as we walk and share your family with me made me fall in love with you. Your brilliant mind and loving heart and determined gut made me fall in love with you._

_You__ are the reason I fell in love with you. _

_And I hope that there are reasons you fell in love with me that are more than dirty cops and painful injury._

_With all the love in my heart,  
Maura._

Jane read the letter once, wasting no time after finishing as she jumped to her feet and quickly placed the letter back in the envelope. She ran a hand through her still wet hair and, deciding that it didn't matter, grabbed her keys.

* * *

Jane felt her heart drop when she pulled into Maura's driveway and saw that not a single light was on in the Beacon Hill home. She silently cursed her car for having terrible gas mileage and alerting her that she needed gas just as she pulled away from her apartment, keeping her away from Maura longer.

She quietly used her key to enter the house, slipping her tennis shoes off her feet so she could move quietly towards Maura's bedroom. Jo was curiously absent and Jane wondered what Maura had done to her dog to keep the small bundle of energy from greeting her.

When Jane made her way up to Maura's bedroom, she realized why Jo hadn't greeted her.

Maura was curled up on her side of the bed, her own stuffed elephant and Jane's stuffed shark tucked under her arms. Jo was curled up against Maura's stomach, sleeping soundly and keeping the doctor company as though the small dog knew Maura was hurting. And Jane knew Maura was hurting as she noticed the frown on Maura's sleeping face and the puffiness around her closed eyes. What struck Jane most was the pillow Maura had propped up against her back, which Jane assumed was to trick her subconscious into thinking Jane was molded against her.

Softly, Jane slid her sweatpants off, leaving her in the jersey and a pair of cotton panties and tiptoed to her side of the bed. She pulled the covers down slowly before she gently pulled the pillow away from Maura's back and placed it back where it belonged. Jane then gingerly slid onto the bed, instantly scooting to press her front to Maura's back and wrap an arm around her midsection just under Maura's breasts.

"Who's there?" Maura asked groggily.

"Shh," Jane murmured as she nuzzled against the back of Maura's head. "It's just me. It's Jane."

"Jane," Maura echoed, moving her arm to drape it over the arm Jane had around her midsection.

"I'm so sorry," Jane whispered. "I shouldn't have shut you out and run away. I'm so sorry and I am so in love with you."

"Did you get my letter?" Maura asked, her mind clearly still fighting sleep.

"I did," Jane smiled as she pressed a kiss to Maura's head. "And it was perfect, Maura. So perfect."

"Good."

"Go back to sleep, Maur," Jane commanded gently. "We can talk tomorrow."

"Promise?" Maura asked, her word sluggish from exhaustion.

"I promise."

* * *

**So, the letter in this chapter isn't a 'letter to Maura' but I really like the idea of Maura writing a letter to Jane, especially since letters are what really brought them together. I also like Frankie/Jane scenes. I think that they're great.**

**Love to hear your thoughts!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Not much of an Author's Note for ya'll! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

When Maura awoke the next morning, she tensed slightly when she felt a body pressed against her back but no immediate memory of falling asleep with anyone.

"Don't panic," Jane soothed when she felt the doctor tense. "It's me. I came in around 11:30 last night but you were still half asleep when I told you it was me."

"I thought you wanted to spend a few nights at your place," Maura said as she rolled over onto her other side so she could face Jane.

"I thought I did, too," Jane said. "But then Frankie and I had a talk and I read the most perfect letter anyone has ever written me and I realized I was being a big fucking idiot."

Maura smiled softly and reached a hand to cup Jane's cheek gently, her thumb rubbing up and down gently.

"I mean everything I wrote in that letter," Maura stated. "I fell in love with you for so many reasons and none of them were because of the siege. I know that you're doubting us because of what your therapist said but please don't ever run off or shut me out again."

"Never again," Jane said with a soft smile.

"I understand needing time alone, but please try to explain your feelings to me before leaving because last night was horrible. Not knowing when you would return or if we were over for good," Maura said.

"I'm so sorry I put you through that," Jane apologized.

Maura simply gave Jane a small smile.

"What are you thinking?" Jane asked, noticing the concentrated look on the doctor's face.

"I'm all in, Jane," Maura finally said.

"All in?"

"Yes," Maura confirmed. "I'm all in when it comes to our relationship. I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you fully and without hesitation. This is real and serious and I'm all in. But if you're hesitant, have doubts, or aren't sure if you're all in…" Maura trailed off, hating herself for the tears that filled her eyes and threatened to spill out. "Please tell me now."

"Maura-"

"Tell me now and we can take a break until things have calmed down. Until you've healed fully or attended your mandatory therapy or had time to really think about this," Maura continued nervously.

"I'm-"

"Or tell me now that you don't think a break will work and we should-"

Maura couldn't finish her statement because Jane's lips were pressed gently to hers, a scarred hand coming to thread in the hair at the side of her head. The kiss was sweet and meant not to arouse but to offer comfort. To act as a promise.

"I'm all in," Jane whispered as she rested her forehead against Maura's.

"Say it again," Maura requested, opening her eyes to examine Jane's face as she spoke. "_Please_."

"I'm all in," Jane repeated, her voice soft but firm.

Maura pressed her body forward, burrowing into Jane's chest as she clung to the taller woman, a few tears slipping from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Jane soothed as she wrapped Maura in her arms. "I love you and I'm all in, I promise. And you gotta promise to tell me if it ever seems like I'm not all in because I never want you to doubt me."

"I never want _you_ to doubt _us_," Maura murmured.

"I never will," Jane stated. "Not again. I'm not gonna let some idiot shrink ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me." When Maura didn't reply, Jane leaned her head down to whisper directly in Maura's ear. "That's you, by the way. You're best thing that's ever happened to me."

Maura laughed, a few quick bursts of air, as she heard Jane whisper in her ear.

"I took a bath last night, which means I can stay in bed another half an hour and still make it to work on time," Maura said as she pressed her lips to Jane's neck. "Could we stay like this until then?"

"Of course," Jane smiled. "If you want me to drive you to work, we could stay in bed even longer."

"I might take you up on that," Maura chuckled.

"I love you so much, Maura Isles," Jane said as she slid a hand under Maura's pajama top to rest on the skin at the small of her back. "We've only been together a week but I swear I'll love you as long as you let me," she admitted.

"I'll always let you love me," Maura murmured, her breath tickling Jane's neck where her face was nuzzled. "But I was so scared that last night was our end," she admitted. "That my life would once again be filled with silence at home and tension at work."

"Like I said, I was a big fucking idiot yesterday," Jane said as she began to run a hand through Maura's hair.

"Yes, you were," Maura smiled. "But you're _my_ big fucking idiot."

"Forever," Jane promised.

* * *

The two remained locked in a tight embrace, their closeness working to heal the wounds they each had suffered the previous day, until Maura reluctantly pulled herself away from Jane to get dressed for the day. The doctor couldn't help but smile when she walked down her stairs to see Jane pouring coffee into two travel mugs for them, explaining that she would drop Maura off at work and then run a few personal errands before heading to start her part time desk duty.

The doctor was sitting in her office, working through a report when Susie appeared in her doorway with a large bouquet of flowers.

"Dr. Isles?" she asked. "Officer Jenkins just brought these down for you. Said they were delivered to the front desk and he wanted to make sure you got them."

"Thank you," Maura smiled as she stood up and accepted the vase from Susie with a smile. "Are you heading out to lunch?" she asked.

"If that's okay with you," Susie replied.

"Of course," Maura grinned. "You've been working tirelessly and I really appreciate the hard work."

"Thank you," Susie blushed. "See you after lunch," she said as she left the office, leaving Maura alone with the flowers.

Maura set the vase down on the table in front of her couch and immediately sat down, pulling the envelope that was nestled at the top of the bouquet into her hands. There was a small pouch as well as a card in the envelope and she quickly opened the card.

_My Maura,  
Ranunculus flowers mean radiant, which is what you are.  
Forget Me Not flowers mean forever, which is how long I'll love you.  
But there's something more important than flowers in your hands. Reach into the small cloth pouch and pull out what's in it. Go ahead. I'm waiting._

Doing as Jane's card instructed, Maura turned the small drawstring pouch upside down and a poker chip fell into her hand. Furrowing her eyebrows, she picked up the card and continued to read.

_When I was in the academy, I had a mentor who was basically the woman who kept me going during the shit times. When Ma tried to tell me to quit, when men were assholes, when people told me I'd never make homicide, she was there. When I graduated, she gave me this poker chip and told me that it was a reminder to me to always go all in. To always give everything I had to get where I wanted to be. When I got my first kit belt, I asked Ma to sew this pouch to it so I could always carry the reminder with me. _

_Now the poker chip is yours. It's your very own reminder that I'm all in and that I'm going to give everything I have to keep our relationship strong and loving._

_I'm all in.  
Jane_

_P.S. Chicken alfredo for dinner? _

Maura couldn't stop the tears that filled her eyes as she looked between the card written in Jane's scratchy handwriting and the poker chip in her hand. There were so many things she wanted to say to Jane and yet none could be done via text message. So when she pulled her phone from her lab coat pocket, she sent a text that she hoped would bring Jane to her in person.

_Chicken alfredo for dinner sounds lovely._

Within a minute, Jane was knocking on Maura's doorframe with a shy smile on her face.

"Hey," she greeted, watching Maura lean against her desk with the poker chip in her hand.

"Hi," Maura smiled as she met Jane's eyes.

"Did you like-"

"Yes," Maura interrupted, nodded her head for emphasis. "And I would really like it if you shut the door so I can show you how much I like it."

Laughing softly, Jane stepped fully into Maura's office and shut the office door behind her, shutting the blinds next to the door for good measure. When she turned around, Maura was already in front of her and wrapping her arms around Jane's shoulders with their faces only inches apart. Jane's hands automatically came to rest on her hips as they looked at each other.

"So the errand you had to run after dropping me off this morning was really a trip to the florist?" Maura smiled.

"Guilty as charged," Jane replied. "You really like the flowers? I'd never heard of the ranunculus but when I saw what they meant, I knew I had to get them for you."

"They're beautiful," Mayra said. "But the poker chip…" Maura trailed off, rubbing the chip still in her hand. "It's the most meaningful gift I think I've ever been given."

"Well, I'll be sure to let my old academy mentor know that her chip is still being put to good use," Jane smiled.

Maura found herself unable to respond verbally and instead rested her head in the crook of Jane's neck and nuzzled closer to Jane.

"I love you," she murmured as she pressed a gentle kiss to Jane's neck.

"I love you, too," Jane smiled as she pressed a kiss to Maura's head. "I gotta head back upstairs before Frost and Korsak think that we're making out or somethin' like that but you'll let me know when you want me to come pick you up after work?"

"You don't have to drive out here to pick me up," Maura said, making no move to pull away from Jane's embrace. "I can see who is here at the end of the day and-"

"Nope," Jane interrupted with a grin. "I'm gonna come pick you up like the good little girlfriend I am and take you home where I'll make you the best chicken alfredo you've ever had before snuggling on the couch."

"Sounds like a plan," Maura smiled as she tilted her upper body back so she could look at Jane's face. "Thank you," she said before pressing her lips gently to Jane's. She couldn't stop her tongue from reaching out to trace Jane's bottom lip or her arms from tightening their hold of Jane's shoulders.

"Okay, I'm gonna leave now," Jane breathed when she pulled away. "Or else Korsak and Frost are gonna be right that we're down here making out."

* * *

As promised, Jane prepared a homemade alfredo for their dinner before tugging on Maura's hand until they fell onto the couch, laughing as they laid down with Jane pressed to the back of the couch and Maura in her arms.

"How about instead of me coming back to work, you just take the next month off and we can snuggle nonstop?" Jane mumbled as she placed kisses wherever she could reach.

"Okay," Maura laughed, placing her own arm over Jane's across her midsection and lacing their fingers together.

"Really?" Jane asked giddily, her head popping up to look down at Maura's face.

"If you genuinely wanted me to take a month off to assist in your healing and snuggle, you know I would pull all the strings possible to do it," Maura admitted.

"You are so perfect," Jane smiled as she laid her head back down and nuzzled against the back of Maura's head.

"Jane, I'm hardly-"

"La la la la la!" Jane interrupted loudly. "I can't hear you trying to deny how perfect you are!"

"You are such a child sometimes," Maura laughed.

"Yup," Jane said unashamedly.

"Well, then would you like to turn on the television to watch cartoons?" Maura teased.

"Don't tempt me," Jane laughed. "But, uh, I was actually wondering if you wanted to keep going with the letters I've been reading you? Or if you wanted to take a break from them, that's cool, too."

"Are you up to reading another letter?" Maura asked gently. "I don't want to push you to read one if you're not feeling absolutely 100% after yesterday and today."

"I'm totally good," Jane reassured the doctor. "The letters are in your desk, right?" she asked.

"Yes," Maura answered. "I'll grab the next one," she offered as she slipped from Jane's embrace and quickly crossed her living room, shuffling through the letters in her desk drawer to find the next one before handing the brunette the envelope and returning to her position snuggled in front of Jane.

"Comfy?" Jane asked as she rested her chin on Maura's shoulder so she could read the letter while still holding Maura close.

"Always am with you," Maura smiled.

Jane chuckled as she opened the envelope, noticing that Maura's eyes slid shut as she prepared to focus solely on Jane as she read the letter.

_Hey, Maur.  
The BPD shrink called me today so we could set up an appointment to talk about the shooting. She came when I was in the hospital just to touch base or whatever but she called me today to set up an appointment, like, for real at her office so I can get cleared for duty. I know that talking to someone professional after something like the siege is a good idea and that it could really help with all the shit I've been feeling. But I really fucking hate the idea of talking to a shrink. She's with the BPD so she's gonna have access to my records, which means she's gonna try to relate everything back to Hoyt._

_Do you put yourself in danger because you have a low self-worth after what Hoyt did to you?  
Do you feel like you have to prove yourself worthy after what happened with Hoyt?  
Do you think part of you has a death wish because of the humiliation Hoyt caused you?_

_Like, can you just shut up and stop trying to relate everything back to him? It frustrates me because that man's in jail and I'm in your office to talk about something completely unrelated. So cool it when it comes to bringing everything back to him.  
But I think it frustrates me in another way. Like, what if the shrink is right by relating things to Hoyt? What if everything I do and everything I stand for all goes back to him? To the things he did to me and the torment he's caused me. I hate that thought. That after all this time, he's still inside my head and fucking with my mind.  
I don't want him to still be inside of me and controlling my actions and it terrifies me to think that's a possibility.  
Miss you and hope you're doing okay.  
Jane._

Jane finished the letter and tossed it onto the coffee table, pulling Maura tighter against her.

"The list of people that I genuinely hate is very short, but Charles Hoyt is certainly on the list," Maura admitted.

"I feel ya on that," Jane sighed, her hands tingling at the mention of Hoyt. "Could you, uh, maybe rub my hands?" she asked tentatively. "It's dumb but sometimes just thinking about him makes them hurt me."

"That's not dumb at all," Maura soothed as she took one of Jane's hands and began to massage the palm, hoping to infuse as much love into her touch as possible. "The science behind psychosomatic illness or pain is certainly valid," she mused as she continued her gentle ministrations. "Or perhaps your mind doesn't register the pain in your hands until Hoyt enters your mind and you can't ignore it."

"Well, whatever it is that's making my hands hurt, it should stop," Jane said with a soft laugh.

"I'm afraid you'll probably have intermittent pain for the rest of your life," Maura said sadly. "The damage done to nerves as well as the scar tissue that is affected by changes in barometric pressure won't go away any time soon."

"Yeah, I know," Jane sighed. "That's what all the doctors and physical therapists said after it happened."

"But there's a bit of good news I can share with you, if you'd like," Maura said gently.

"Yeah? And what's that?"

"I'll always be here to massage the pain away," Maura smiled before bringing Jane's hand to her lips and placing a kiss at the center of her palm.

Jane let out a shaky breath as she felt Maura's lips brushing the scars she had come to loathe.

"Do you think the psychologist is right?" Jane asked softly. "When they make things come back to what Hoyt did, I mean."

"I'm not sure," Maura admitted as she laced her fingers with Jane's and brought their clasped hands to rest just above her heart. "I think that you once felt the need to prove your worth after what he did, yes, but I don't believe that you have a low self-worth or a death wish."

"Sometimes I have shitty self-worth or whatever," Jane confessed. "And when I was recovering and could only wear sweats because buttons and zippers were too difficult for my fucked up hands, I kinda wanted to just crawl into a hole and die."

"I am so happy that you didn't crawl into a hole and die," Maura said. "And if you'll let me, I'll tell you every day how wonderful you are so your self-worth is never lacking."

"Only if you let me tell you how wonderful you are every day, too" Jane smiled.

"Deal," Maura smiled as she felt Jane give her a squeeze. "The subconscious mind is an incredibly powerful thing that sometimes drives us to do things for reasons we aren't fully aware of," she mused. "Perhaps the psychologist isn't trying to tell you that all things relate to Hoyt but is trying to explore your subconscious with you."

"Well, my subconscious can stay un-explored," Jane huffed.

"You and I both know that refusing to dive deeper into your mind, both conscious and subconscious, isn't exactly the healthiest mindset," Maura pointed out. "It's scary but a very necessary thing to do."

"But haven't you heard?" Jane asked with a smile. "I'm a hero and heroes don't get scared. We're fearless."

"Your sarcasm is noted," Maura replied.

"Sorry," Jane mumbled as she pressed a kiss to the back of Maura's head. "Sarcasm is easier for me to deal with than actual feelings."

"I know," Maura smiled gently. "So how about we go up to the bedroom and see if we can make you feel something other than scary emotions?"

* * *

**This chapter is sub-par, yeah, I know. But one of the things that bugs me about the show is they never talk about traumatic events—Hoyt, Maura and Rockmond, Frankie and his crazy girlfriend, all that stuff. So I'm creating this world where they actually talk about some stuff.**

**Love to hear your thoughts and suggestions for the future chapters!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi, ya'll! So sorry that FanFic was being a butthead when I uploaded Chap 10 and some of ya'll couldn't read it right away. But thank you for sticking with me and leaving lovely reviews!**

**There is M rated fun in this chapter. Just be warned.**

**Onwards!**

* * *

After allowing herself a few minutes to bask in the feeling of waking up tangled and naked with Jane, Maura slowly began to extract herself from the detective's embrace.

"No," Jane grumbled as she tightened her grip around Maura.

"Jane, some of us have to be at work at the normal start time," Maura laughed.

"What happened to us hiding away for a month to snuggle and help me heal?"

"If you were serious about that, you know that I'll need at least a few days to ensure everything is prepared for my absence," Maura pointed out as she maneuvered her body so she could face Jane.

"I wasn't serious," Jane sighed. "But it's nice to know you'd be willing to drop everything if I needed you to," she added with a sleepy smile.

"Of course I would," Maura smiled before pressing her lips gently to Jane's. "Go back to sleep," she commanded gently when she pulled away. "I'll be sure not to make too much noise while getting ready."

"Huh?" Jane asked. "I was gonna make you coffee and then drive you to work," she explained.

"Oh, Jane," Maura smiled. "There is absolutely no need for you to do that. The reason you're on part time desk duty is so you can rest which you certainly won't be doing if you get up at 6am, prepare a breakfast, drive me to work, then come back here where you'll shower and get ready, drive back to the station for four hours, drive here for a few hours, and then come back to the station to pick me up and take me home."

"It's not really a big deal," Jane shrugged.

"You need to rest, Jane," Maura reminded her. "You have access to the Mercedes while I take the Prius so you can enjoy the summer months with the top down and blasting your ridiculous music."

"My music isn't ridiculous!" Jane gasped.

"Right," Maura smirked. "But I'm serious. Go back to sleep and rest for a while longer before heading into work. Do not make me use my Dr. Isles voice," she warned.

"I could make several inappropriate comments about you in a sexy doctor's outfit right now, but I'll refrain," Jane smiled. "And I'll refrain from getting out of bed until later," she added.

"Good," Maura smiled as she once again placed a quick kiss to Jane's lips. "Now are you going to let me go so I can shower and get ready for the day?"

"One more kiss?" Jane asked, puckering her lips dramatically.

Smiling, Maura kissed Jane one last time before being released from Jane's arms and allowed to start her day.

* * *

_I'm dying of boredom. _

_Jane, I know that you know it's impossible to die from boredom. _

_Yeah? Well, when I do die, I'm not gonna let you perform my autopsy. And I'll make sure my ghost haunts you and messes with your super uncomfortable office chair. So, there._

_I'll be sure to let Dr. Pike know that he'll be in charge of seeing you naked on a cold metal table and cutting you open. _

_I hate you and am never cooking you a meal ever again._

_Really? I suppose I will have to put my years of assisting my nanny prepare meals, learning authentic French meals while at boarding school, being taught the basics of many other ethnic cuisines while traveling abroad, and preparing almost every meal for myself to good use. Oh, what ever will I do?_

_I'm giving you the silent treatment. Starting right now, at 1:12pm, I won't be speaking to you ever again._

* * *

When Maura entered her house just after 6pm that evening, she chuckled at the distinct lack of a dinner being prepared in her kitchen. Jane hadn't texted her since proclaiming her silent treatment and Maura was curious how long the detective could stay quiet while in the same room.

"Hi," Maura greeted when she spotted Jane sitting on her couch channel surfing, automatically leaning over the back of the couch to kiss the top of Jane's head. "I was thinking of making fajitas for dinner with a side of seasoned rice. Is that okay?"

Jane simply smirked as she settled on Sports Center.

"5 hours without speaking to me," Maura noted as she pulled a bottle of wine out and uncorked it. "I'm not sure if I should be impressed or offended," she smiled. "I suppose I'll just have to entertain myself as I make dinner," she shrugged before disappearing upstairs, returning later in a pair of black yoga pants and a grey crewneck with a neckline wide enough to show the teal straps of her bra.

Shaking her head at Jane's silence, Maua began to prepare a dinner for both herself and Jane. She found that the silence between them didn't make her nervous or uncomfortable. Previous partners had always demanded constant conversation or forced her to endure awkward silences, but with Jane she felt at ease in silence. She knew Jane didn't hate her and that was enough.

"I'm eating at the table," Maura announced once she completed their dinner and brought the dishes to the dining room table. "But I'm not certain of the rules to a silent treatment so you're more than welcome to eat at the island or on the couch if you clean your crumbs up."

Though Jane was insistent on prolonging the silent treatment, she turned the television off and gave Maura a cheeky grin as she plopped down at the table and began to load up her plate.

Their dinner was silent, though they communicated with their eyes as only they could until they finished the meal and worked in silent tandem to load the dishwasher.

"I think I'm going to go upstairs and take a bath," Maura smiled as she turned to face Jane and wrapped her arms around the detective's neck.

Jane forced herself to swallow a soft moan as she felt Maura press their bodies together.

"The tub is quite large, as you know. Big enough for two, without a doubt," the doctor teased as she nipped at Jane's earlobe. "But I suppose it's safe to say I'll be all alone in it tonight," she sighed before pressing a kiss to the corner of Jane's mouth and sauntering up the stairs to the bathroom.

Maura had just flipped the drain and turned the water on when she heard the bathroom door open and was quickly spun around, Jane crashing her lips to Maura's with near desperation.

"You don't play fair," Jane mumbled against Maura's lips, moving her hands to the zipper at the back of Maura's dress.

"I wasn't aware I had to," Maura replied as she began to kiss down to Jane's neck, her hands untucking Jane's button-up from her slacks.

Their first few times being intimate had been gentle and soft but they both understood this time would be different. This time was filled with frantic undressing, hands grabbing flesh wherever they could, and kisses that were messy and explosive.

"Get in the tub," Jane instructed breathlessly once they were both naked.

Maura nodded, shutting the faucet off and settling into the tub towards the front end so Jane had room to slide in behind her. Jane did slide in behind her, sliding her legs around Maura to pull the doctor flush against her with a firm grip around her midsection.

"Touch me," Maura breathed, already turned on by the feeling of Jane's breasts pressed into her back after their passionate kisses while undressing each other.

"I am touching you," Jane pointed out, her nerves about being intimate with Maura forgotten as her dominant side came out.

"You know what I mean," Maura said as she placed her hands over Jane's and guided them to rest on her breasts. "Touch me here."

Jane smiled as she began to massage Maura's breasts with confidence, tilting down to nuzzle, kiss, and lick the side of Maura's neck. Her fingers occasionally tweaked a stiff nipple, a gasp coming from the blonde each time.

"Do you want me to move lower?" Jane asked with a smirk.

"Please," Maura said with a brief nod. She hadn't realized how much she missed hearing Jane's voice until that exact moment as the raspy voice sent a jolt directly to her core.

Jane moved one arm to wrap around Maura's midsection and keep her pressed tightly against the detective as Jane's left hand slid down under the water to run feather light touches over sensitive outer lips.

"I don't really hate you," Jane commented when Maura leaned her head back onto one of Jane's shoulders to give Jane better access to her neck. "I said I did and then gave you the silent treatment, but I didn't mean it. Just sayin," she said as she continued to run her fingers gently over Maura.

"I know," Maura smiled. "But I will really hate you if you don't get inside of me right now."

Jane laughed at Maura's threat before swiftly entering her with two fingers, a low moan coming from the doctor. Jane gave her a few moments to adjust before beginning a steady in and out rhythm.

Maura tried to move her lower body to match Jane's fingers but found that the firm grip Jane kept on her midsection made that impossible. She felt her arousal skyrocket at Jane's dominance, something she had come to love fantasizing about.

"You feel so good," Jane complimented.

"You, to-oh, God," she gasped when she felt Jane thrust deep into her and begin to curl her fingers.

"I thought you'd like that," Jane smiled as she continued the movements, finding herself too aroused to think before speaking. "What else do you like?" she asked, partially to further arouse Maura and partially to satisfy her own curiosity.

"Your arm holding me," Maura admitted as her hand shot out to clutch at the aforementioned arm, needing some type of purchase as Jane's thumb brushed her clit. "Your dominance is very arousing."

"It is?" Jane asked, a smirk on her face.

Maura could do nothing but let out a moan and clutch Jane's arm tighter as the detective began to work her fingers faster and faster in and out of Maura's, small waves rippling in the bathtub.

"Can I try something?" Jane murmured as she nipped at Maura's ear, her tone of voice letting Maura know she was genuinely curious.

"Anything," Maura moaned as Jane's thumb continued to caress her clit with just enough pressure to push her towards the edge but not enough to push her off the edge.

"Don't come until I say so," Jane commanded in a gentle tone, ensuring Maura knew she would take back her command if it was too much.

"What?" Maura gasped, attempting to turn to face Jane but Jane's tightened hold on her midsection reminded her she couldn't move.

"You don't get to come until I say you can," Jane clarified as she sped up her fingers, curling upwards slightly with every stroke out to hit the spot that Maura clearly enjoyed most.

"Okay," Maura moaned as she allowed herself to once again relax and focus solely on Jane's fingers inside of her.

Smiling, Jane continued her rapid thrusts in and out of the doctor who was unable to do anything other than gasp, moan, and clutch at Jane's arm around her waist as Jane worked her body expertly.

"Shit," Maura breathed and Jane knew she was close. When Maura's mental filter shut off and she allowed herself to swear, it was only a matter of time before she would be wracked with a powerful climax.

"Not until I say so," Jane reminded the panting doctor.

"Please," Maura gasped as Jane's thumb now was rubbing tight and powerful circles over an engorged clit.

"Not yet," Jane commanded. "I wanna see how long you can hold off."

"Not…long…" Maura moaned as she fought to keep her climax away until given permission. Never had she been with a partner who had attempted orgasm denial but she was confident her rapidly approaching orgasm would be a powerful one.

Maura's head was pressing down on Jane's shoulder in pleasure, giving Jane the perfect view from above of Maura's chest as she took heaving breaths, the contrast between the pale skin of Maura's stomach and her own olive skin, and her hand moving rapidly between Maura's legs.

"You're so close," Jane noted as she felt Maura's inner walls tightening, forcing her to thrust deep inside Maura and simply curl her fingers repeatedly instead of attempt to maintain her fast paced thrusts.

Maura groaned in acknowledgement, fighting off her climax taking all of her energy and ability to speak.

"Just a little longer, baby," Jane promised. "I wanna see you like this for a little longer," she continued. "So fucking beautiful," she praised.

"_Jane_."

"Come for me," Jane whispered directly in Maura's ear, delighted when the blonde let out a string of curse words and unintelligible moans and began to tremble with pleasure. "Keep coming, Maur," Jane instructed as her fingers continued their ministrations. "Give me all you've got, sweetheart."

Maura continued to shake with pleasure and let out moans as Jane coaxed every last bit of pleasure from her body, her arched back finally slumping back against Jane after nearly a full minute of trembling and coming. Jane gently pulled her fingers from Maura and rested her hand on Maura's thigh.

"You…So good," Maura managed to say as she attempted to catch her breath and calm her racing heart.

"Are you surprised?" Jane teased.

"No," Maura sighed, her once tense muscles now feeling like jelly.

"Good," Jane replied. "You wanna get out and snuggle before you get all pruney?"

"Mmhmm," Maura hummed.

"Kay, I'll get out and in a robe then help you out since, uh, ya look a little tired."

* * *

Though it was barely 8 o'clock in the evening, Jane was lying on her back in the middle of Maura's large bed with the doctor tucked against her side. Jane was wearing a tank top and pair of boxers while Maura wore one of Jane's baggy t-shirts and a pair of panties.

"What are you gonna do with these letters when we're done reading them?" Jane asked as she held another letter in the hand not wrapped around Maura's shoulders.

"I've thought of perhaps placing them into protective sheets and keeping them in a binder for the future," Maura replied as she traced her index finger up and down Jane's side gently. "But if you'd prefer I destroy them or if you would prefer to keep them, say the word."

"They're yours, "Jane pointed out. "Which means you can do with them what you want."

"Well, I don't want to keep them if you'd prefer that I get rid of them," Maura said.

"Keep 'em," Jane smiled. "I know I'm keeping the one you wrote me."

"Really?" Maura asked, lifting her head from where it rested on Jane's shoulder to look down at the detective.

"Yup," Jane grinned. "I kinda wanna frame it and hang it somewhere that I'll see every day. Maybe make a copy of it to keep in my wallet so it's always with me."

"I love you," Maura smiled before pressing a gentle kiss to Jane's smiling lips. "You could ask your mother to sew you a pouch similar to the one you kept the poker chip in," she suggested as she resumed her position nuzzled against Jane. "Keep the folded letter in that and attached to your kit belt. You'll always have a reminder that I'm all with the letter and I'll always have a reminder that you're all in with the poker chip."

"That sounds brilliant," Jane said. "You ready for the next one?"

"Of course."

_Hi, Maura. I miss you. It's weird. I mean, we text and talk on the phone but not being in the same building as you sucks. Not being able to drive to your house and the fact that I'd be all drugged up if you came over here really sucks for our friendship._

_Anyways, I was replaying the siege over and over in my head. Which some people say is good to remember crucial details but most say that's a shitty thing to do since it'll just stress me out and make me have nightmares and all that jazz. But oh well. I guess I can try to stop analyzing every minute of the siege tomorrow. hah.  
I realized something as I thought of that day. When Bobby was in the morgue and bein' all crazy and you and I were threatened and all that, your hand never left my shoulder or my back. Like, you either had your hand at the small of my back or you were rubbing between my shoulder blades or your hand was on my shoulder at pretty much all times. But you weren't doing that to try and get my attention or take my attention away from Bobby and his goons. You were just trying to show me you were there. But not to make me feel guilty for you being in danger or anything like that. You just wanted me to feel your hand so that I knew I wasn't alone. _

_This might sound super weird, but sometimes touching you or having you touch me can calm me down. Like, when I put my hand on your back while we walk or you fiddle with my hair during movie nights or we hook our arms together I just feel calm and happy. And I think you know that and you can probably tell me why that is with some sorta science talk. But whatever the science is, I'm glad it happens.  
And I'm glad you were there that day—well, not glad that you were in danger and had me pressuring you to save my brother's life cuz I feel like shit about that—but I'm glad your hand was always on my shoulder. I'm glad you were there to soothe me and keep me from going berserk and remind me that I wasn't alone.  
Jane_

"I think I was trying to keep myself calm just as much as I was trying to keep you calm," Maura admitted as she tugged herself closer to Jane.

"I think it worked," Jane smiled as she set the letter on the bedside table. "I was totally serious when I wrote that sometimes just simple touches have this ability to, like..." Jane trailed off, trying to find the word she wanted.

"Ground you?" Maura suggested softly.

"Yes! That!" Jane beamed as she placed a quick kiss to the top of Maura's head. "Like, I could be pissed off at a perp or flustered because of my Ma or just in a weird headspace but you can ground me with the simplest, most platonic of touches."

"You do the same for me," Maura noted. "The nights where you allow me to run my fingers through your hair are some of my favorite nights," she admitted shyly.

"You like trying to untangle my rat's nest?" Jane laughed.

"I do," Maura chuckled. "Although I consider it more of a mane than a rat's nest."

"Tomato, tomahtoh," Jane shrugged. "I really hate that you were in danger down in the morgue but if I had to be down there with anyone, I'm glad it was you."

"Because I could help save Frankie," Maura stated.

"Well, yeah, but that's not what I was thinking about. I was thinking about how you know me. You know that sometimes I need reassurance and comfort but you never judge me for that. You just offer what I need."

"I'll never judge you," Maura promised as she placed a kiss to Jane's jaw. "And I'll always do my best to give you whatever you need."

"Right back at ya," Jane smiled. "Since it's still relatively early, did you wanna maybe watch a movie? We can use your laptop so we don't have to move downstairs."

"I like that plan," Maura replied. "I'll go grab my laptop while you fluff the pillows."

* * *

**I figured that, after Jane running off and all the slight angst of the past few chapters, we could all use some goofy Jane giving the silent treatment and a dash of smut.**

**If any of ya'll have suggestions for letters, please let me know! I have a handful planned out but am always looking for suggestions!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I am so, so sorry it's taken me so long to update! I started a new job and it's been pretty busy. Plus I feel like this story isn't my best work and I'm never, ever satisfied with what I'm writing. I feel like I'm letting you all down.**

**I know the timeline of this story might not match up with the timeline of the show but, hey! Fiction is fiction.**

**Also, just like the last chapter, the italics are things said via text message.**

* * *

_I need you._

_What? Jane, is everything okay? Are you in pain? Tell me what's wrong and I'll grab any necessary medical supplies from here and come up to the squad room._

_That came out wrong. I'm not in any physical pain or anything like that. _

_Are you sure? I can be upstairs in less than a minute._

_I'm sure. Sorry to freak you out. I guess I should have said I needed your help._

_With what?_

_Cav just reminded me that the Boston Heroes Banquet is in a week and I need to get him a copy of my speech in a few days so he can approve it. I have no idea what the hell to say._

_You'd like my help writing the speech?_

_Yeah. You're brilliant and have probably written a zillion speeches in your lifetime._

_I'd love to help you. We can bounce ideas around this evening if you'd like to get it over with._

_I'd love to get it over with. Seriously. You're the best, I owe you, and I love you!_

_Love you, too. Now get back to work!_

* * *

The lunch hour when Jane brought her lunch was once Maura's favorite part of the day but standing in her kitchen with Jane, the detective's iPod playing music they sang along to in between bursts of laughter, Maura knew her favorite part of the day was this. The time of day in which they fully shed the Dr. Isles and Detective Rizzoli personas and simply became Maura and Jane, trading kisses and sneaking tastes of the Rizzoli homemade pasta sauce.

"Oh!" Jane gasped as her iPod began to play Mambo #5. "My aunt used to have a dance routine to this song she tried to teach me. Come over here and lemme show you what I remember!"

"Jane," Maura laughed as she watched the detective begin to do a jig with a goofy grin on her face. "The noodles are cooking and I'd hate for them to over-cook."

"Another two or three minutes in the water won't hurt," Jane grinned as she reached for Maura's hand and tugged the doctor towards her. She began to demonstrate the moves she could remember and make up new moves when she couldn't remember the originals, laughing as Maura tentatively began to mimic her moves.

They continued to dance to the song, eventually forgoing all structure and simply goofing around as they only allowed themselves to do around the other. When the song ended, Jane noticed Maura staring at her and ignoring the cooking noodles on the stove.

"You're staring," Jane smirked.

"I just…I really love you," Maura admitted shyly.

"Well, I really love you, too," Jane smiled as she pressed a quick kiss to Maura's smiling lips. "You wanna drain the noodles and I'll grab the garlic bread from the oven?"

Maura nodded as she turned the stovetop off and began to drain the noodles, her mind whirling as she and Jane finalized the meal and brought the dishes to the dining room table. They each served themselves salad, garlic bread, and pasta before Maura brought up Jane's speech.

"Do you have any ideas about what you'd like to say at the Boston Heroes Banquet?" she asked tentatively.

"It doesn't have to be super long so how about 'I was just doing my job so this is really unnecessary but thanks for the open bar!'" Jane suggested.

"Jane."

"I wouldn't actually say that," Jane sighed as she poked at her dinner. "You're probably only gonna let me have, like, one beer anyways."

"No, I'll let you have two," Maura teased.

"Gee, thanks," Jane smiled. "I really hate that they're doing this," Jane groaned. "I mean, bad shit happens. That's the job. That's life, really. Bad guys exist and sometimes they do some really bad, really scary shit.""

"But sometimes the good guys win," Maura said softly.

"What?" Jane asked, looking up from her dinner to make eye contact with Maura.

"Bad guys exist," Maura said as she repeated what Jane had just said. "But you—and many other, of course—are living proof that sometimes they good guys still win."

"I like that," Jane smiled as she allowed Maura's words to sink in. "The good guys still win…" she trailed off.

"I'm glad you like it," Maura grinned. "But we can continue to think of other options for your speech if you'd like," she offered.

"No," Jane replied. "I think we've got it. And I think Cav will be shocked that I managed to get him the speech, like, 24 hours after he reminded me about it. Thank you. Seriously."

"My pleasure," Maura said. "I know you're not looking forward to the event, but I'm quite excited to attend."

"Yeah, cuz you're not healing from an injury and can have as much booze as you want," Jane laughed.

"That's not why I'm looking forward to the banquet," Maura said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm excited to see you in your dress blues."

"Fuck," Jane groaned. "I'd rather wear a dress than those."

"I find you particularly handsome in your dress blues," Maura admitted casually.

"You do?" Jane asked over a mouthful of pasta.

"Yes," Maura confirmed.

"But…I mean, that uniform is the exact same uniform that every single cop wears. It's stiff and boxy and kinda itchy," Jane said. "Not exactly the most flattering thing in the world."

"That's what you think," Maura smiled. "I love seeing you in such a traditionally masculine outfit, especially now that I know that underneath it you are all woman."

"So it's the pure polyester navy blue fabrics that really get ya going, huh?" Jane laughed as she saw the dreamy look in Maura's eyes.

"As long as you're the one wearing the pure polyester, yes."

"I guess I hate the dress blues a little bit less now," Jane smirked.

* * *

Maura couldn't help herself from tracing patterns over Jane's abdomen as they snuggled in her bed, both women in their pajamas.

"May I ask you something?" she asked, softly pressing her lips to Jane's neck after she spoke.

"Shoot."

"You mentioned that you'd like to invite me to one of your therapy sessions. I know that your therapist caused some unrest between the two of us but I was wondering if you'd still like me to join you at your appointment next week."

"If you still wanna come, I'd like that," Jane replied as she ran her hands through Maura's hair. "I don't feel like we have to validate our relationship to her or whatever but maybe seeing us both together and hearing us talk will make that stupid shrink realize she what she said was ridiculous."

"You want to rub it in her face that she was wrong about us," Maura chuckled.

"Yup," Jane laughed. "But I also feel like it could be really good in case there's something that you and I haven't talked about. I mean, we talk about almost everything but maybe you're holding back. I dunno."

"Let me know when your next appointment is and I'll be there," Maura smiled as she gave Jane a soft squeeze.

"Deal," Jane said as she pressed a kiss to the crown of Maura's head. "You feelin' up to reading another letter or are you too sleepy?"

"I'm okay to hear another letter," Maura stated.

"Good, cuz I brought one up here," Jane smiled as she used the arm not wrapped around Maura to grab the envelope from the nightstand. "I think we're at the point in the letters where I started pulling away from everyone."

Maura made a sound of acknowledgement but choose to simply hold Jane tighter and silently encourage her to read the letter.

_That's it. I'm changing my locks. Got the landlord's permission and gonna get it done this afternoon. Already called the locksmith and scheduled it. Look at me. 10am and I'm already up and at 'em. I'm just so sick of Ma barging in whenever she feels like it and Frankie using his key to visit when he's been sent by people to check on me and Tommy waltzing in whenever he's hungry and wants food. No one but me is ever gonna have a key to this place. It'll be great. My own place where I'm guaranteed to be on my own. I mean, I know they mean well but please for the love of God stop it. I'm a damn adult. Yeah, I'm recovering from a gunshot but that was almost 2 weeks ago and it's not like I'm writhing in pain or on the verge of death. I know I should probably give you one of the new keys since you're my emergency contact and all but I just can't. You probably know how to use a bobby pin to pick locks anyways so, if you really wanted to get in here, you could. _

_Please understand why I can't. It isn't because I don't trust you to not barge in or anything. I just…I have to do this, Maura. I have to. Please don't be hurt._

_Love, Jane._

"I was hurt," Maura admitted softly. "Your mother called me to say she'd discovered your locks had been changed and I felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. Everyone assumed I'd been the one you'd told about the locks and given a key to but I had to admit to everyone who asked that I wasn't given a key. Or even told that the change was happening."

"I'm so sorry," Jane apologized as she set the letter back on the bedside table and wrapped Maura tightly in her arms.

"I came to your apartment a few days after your mother told me you'd changed your locks," Maura murmured. "I think you were out with Jo because I knocked and didn't hear her paws on the ground. Do you know what I did?"

"What?" Jane asked.

"I pulled a bobby pin from my hair and was about to pick the lock," Maura admitted sheepishly.

"Are you serious?" Jane laughed.

"Entirely serious," Maura smiled. "I had just slid the pin into the lock to attempt it when I realized that was a complete violation of your very obvious desires to be alone. I left as quickly as possible."

"I woulda been okay if I came back from walking Jo to see you in my living room," Jane confessed.

"I hoped you would have been accepting of my actions but I wasn't positive," Maura said as she tilted her head up to look at Jane. "I just wanted to see you."

"Oh, Maura," Jane sighed as she saw the sadness in Maura's eyes. "I'm gonna spend the rest of forever making my stupid actions up to you, okay?"

"I'm sorry I'm getting so emotional," Maura said as she once again buried her head in the crook of Jane's neck.

"No apologizing for your feelings," Jane commanded gently. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I needed to see you," Maura repeated. "I was still having the occasional nightmare or flashback where all I could see was you falling to the ground outside of headquarters. You covered in blood as they loaded you into an ambulance. You in the hospital bed, your skin so devoid of its gorgeous color. I thought that if I could see you in person, those images would be pushed away."

A sob escaped Maura as emotions and flashbacks from that day overwhelmed her. She had managed to keep her emotions relatively in check but wrapped in the safety of Jane's arms and finally beginning to open up about the effects the siege had on her, Maura was unable to keep calm.

"I was so scared," she gasped.

Jane knew this would happen. From the moment Maura told her she hadn't seen a psychologist after the siege, Jane found herself waiting for the day that Maura would break down. Though she hated psychologists, she knew they were right about letting emotions out.

"Let it all out, Maura," Jane soothed as she placed kissed wherever she could reach. "You're okay, sweetheart."

"And you're okay," Maura managed to say, though her tone seemed to be as much a question as it was a statement.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Jane promised.

Maura couldn't stop herself from flinging the comforter off of their bodies and tugging up on Jane's black tank top frantically. Though she knew Jane was self-conscious about the scar, she immediately slid a hand onto the puckered skin and let out a heavy sigh when she both felt and saw dry, olive skin instead of sticky redness.

"You're okay," Maura repeated, this time without any hint of questioning.

"We're okay, Maura. We're okay."

* * *

**For some reason I feel like this story has just gone downhill. Or hit a rut. I dunno._ Please_ let me know what I can do to improve. I don't want to let you all down.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I had about 7 pages of this chapter written and then a virus deleted the chapter from my desktop so I'm so sorry this took a while to get posted!**

**Taking some elements of canon, mixing them up to fit my desires, and weaving them into this. Hope that's okay!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

When Maura awoke the next morning, it was to the bed shifting as Jane slid back under the covers and sat propped against the headboard.

"Where did you go?" Maura asked, her voice still hoarse from the crying she had done the previous night.

"I thought you might have a headache after last night so I went and got you some Tylenol and a glass of water," Jane explained as she leaned down to press a kiss to Maura's forehead.

"I'm sorry I was so emotional last night," Maura apologized as she pushed herself into a sitting position and gratefully accepted the medication and water.

"Hey, no saying sorry," Jane soothed. "You're allowed to have a couple of breakdowns. I mean, you were held hostage, forced to work on a live person while on lockdown, and then had to watch your best friend shoot herself. Then that best friend was a butthead who ignored you for two weeks. Crying is okay, Maura."

"Still," Maura tried to protest. "I shouldn't have-"

"Not gonna let you finish that sentence," Jane interrupted with a gentle smile. "If shrinks have taught me anything, it's that it's okay to have moments where you just lose it for a bit. Especially if you're with someone you trust to help offer comfort."

"I love you," Maura whispered as she lifted her puffy eyed gaze to meet Jane's.

"I love you, too," Jane smiled as she pressed her lips gently to Maura's. "Did you maybe wanna do some partner yoga before you go shower while I make us breakfast?"

"Are you seriously volunteering to participate in partner yoga in the morning?" Maura teased gently.

"Offer comes off the table in 5…4…3…"

Her countdown was stopped by Maura's lips on hers, both women smiling against the other's lips.

"I would love to take you up on your offer," Maura smiled. "As you know, certain partner yoga poses can be quite…intimate."

"Go get into your fancy yoga clothes then meet me in the yoga room to get our zen on."

* * *

Due to a handful of urgent tests needing to be run, Maura didn't make it back to her house until just past 8pm that evening. She knelt down to greet Jo who had scampered to the front door, calling out to Jane as she scratched the small dog behind her ears.

Walking to the kitchen to locate Jane, Maura noticed a bright pink notecard propped on the kitchen island and immediately recognized Jane's handwriting.

_Hey, Maura._  
_My phone is being stupid and not sending or receiving texts so I couldn't tell you that my parents asked me to come over for dinner tonight. I'm heading out now (its 4:30) and shouldn't be back too late, which means we can read another letter, put in a movie, and snuggle on the couch for a bit when I get home. I already fed Jo and Bass an early dinner._  
_xoxo Jane_

Maura smiled at the smiley face drawn inside of a heart Jane had doodled on the card as she pulled a bottle of wine from the fridge, uncorking it to breathe before turning to walk to her bedroom. Just as she reached the bottom stair, her cellphone began to ring which prompted her to return to the kitchen.

"Hello," she smiled when she saw Angela's name pop up on her screen.

"Maura, it's Angela," the elder Rizzoli said over the lump in her throat.

"Angela, is everything okay? You sound as though you've been crying," Maura said when the noticed the tension in her voice. "Is Jane alright?"

"What do you mean is Jane alright?"

"I just got home a minute ago and she left me a note saying she was going to your house for dinner," Maura explained as confusion set it as to why Jane would lie. "Did she not come over?"

"No, she came over," Angela sighed sadly. "But Frank and I…" she trailed off, fighting a fresh wave of tears. "Please, Maura, you have to help me find Janie. She ran out shortly after we started eating and didn't grab her coat. It can get chilly at night and all my calls are going unanswered. Help me find Janie."

"She ran out?" Maura asked, her confusion turning into worry.

"Yes," Angela confirmed. "Please. You two have such a special bond. You'll be able to find her."

"I'm going to get changed out of my work dress and then I'll go out and try to locate her," Maura said as she quickly walked to her bedroom and grabbed a pair of jeans and a grey sweater from their hangers. "Where have you already looked for her?" she asked as she put the phone on speaker and began to change out of her dress.

"I've looked at the station, the Dirty Robber, Jane's apartment, and her childhood favorite park," Angela replied.

"And Frank? Where has he looked?" Maura asked as she pulled her jeans on.

"He…He left shortly after Jane ran out," Angela admitted sadly. "He hasn't looked for her and it's getting colder."

"It'll be okay, Angela," Maura soothed after pulling her sweater on. "I'm about to put my shoes on and go out to look. I promise to call you as soon as I have an update."

"You're an angel, Maura. A real angel."

"I love your daughter with everything I have," Maura admitted as she turned speakerphone off and put the phone back to her ear as she slid into a pair of black flats. "Do you need anything?" she asked.

"Just for you to find Janie."

"I'm going to try my hardest," Maura promised. "Hopefully I'll talk to you soon," she added before ending the call and jogging down her stairs.

Jo yapped happily when Maura emerged, dancing around Maura's feet as the blonde walked to her front hall closet and pulled her coat back on, grabbing the hoodie Jane kept there.

"I've gotta go, Jo," Maura said as she turned her lights off. "Wish me luck," she added before shutting and locking her door, sliding into her car and quickly pulling out of her driveway.

Twenty minutes later, her panic growing as she noticed the chilly temperature reading her car gave her on her drive to campus, Maura was showing her ID to the BCU guard stationed at the observation tower. She was already pushing the door open before he gave her the official clear to enter, tossing a 'thank you!' over her shoulder.

"Jane?" she called out as she stepped onto the rooftop observatory. "Please, Jane!" she said after a few moments of silence. "Tell me you're up here!"

"I'm up here."

Maura's head turned to the left, her feet following suit as she made her way in the direction the distressed voice came from. She exhaled deeply as she saw Jane sitting propped up against a lamppost towards the edge of the roof, her knees pulled up to her chest.

"Oh, Jane," she said gently as she knelt in front of Jane and placed her hands on strong biceps, noting how the t-shirt Jane wore did little to keep her warm. "My sweet girl," she murmured as she began to run her hands up and down to create warmth.

"Sorry I barged in on your safe space," Jane mumbled as she kept her eyes downcast.

"I do believe that the last time we were up here, I told you that you are my safe space," Maura smiled.

Jane made a non-committal sound.

"I brought you your sweatshirt," Maura said as she let go of Jane's biceps to reach for the sweatshirt beside her.

"My parents are getting a divorce."

"What?"

"That's why they wanted to have dinner with me tonight," Jane explained, hey eyes staying focused down. "Apparently they've been having a lot of fights and issues. Pop has been staying with friends for a while and spending what little money they have left on booze or gambling or dumb stuff. He's thinking about moving to Florida and Ma thinks it's because of a girlfriend, but she has no proof."

"Oh, sweetheart," Maura said gently as she moved to sit next to Jane and, after draping the sweatshirt over Jane's torso like a blanket, wrapped an arm around the rigid woman. Jane allowed Maura to wrap her arm around her but refused to allow her body to relax. "I'm so sorry."

"He was so rude during dinner. Kept rolling his eyes and sighing loudly and being an ass," Jane said. "Like he wasn't telling his oldest child that their marriage was over. I got so frustrated and hurt and I just…I ran out."

"That's understandable," Maura attempted to soothe. "But I don't want you to blame yourself for this, okay?" she commanded. "I know you're probably wondering why you didn't see this or try to fix it. You're thinking that maybe you should have gone into a less stressful field or a field that pays more to help support them more. But your parents getting a divorce is not your fault, Jane."

"Can we go home?" Jane asked, finally lifting her head to look at Maura.

"Of course we can," Maura said, smiling as Jane referred to her house as home. "I even have some of that hot cocoa you love and a bag of mini-marshmallows to add to it."

"Are they the colored mini marshmallows?"

"Is there any other kind?" Maura asked with a wink.

Jane felt a smile tug at one corner of her lips at Maura's words.

"Please put your sweatshirt on?" Maura said when Jane remained silent. "It's chilly when the sun goes down and I don't want you to fall ill."

"Help me up?" Jane asked, prompting Maura to quickly rise to her feet and offer her hands out to Jane. The detective clasped Maura's and allowed the doctor to help hoist her stiff body up, only letting go of her hands to pull the extra-large garment over her head.

"I love you so much, Jane," Maura said as she took Jane's hand in hers and began to walk them slowly towards the door.

Jane simply gave Maura's hand a squeeze as they entered the elevator and descended to the main level, making their way towards Maura's Prius.

"We can come back for the Mercedes tomorrow," Maura said as she guided Jane to the passenger side of her car.

"Thank you," Jane replied, receiving a lingering kiss on her forehead before Maura made her way to the driver's side, their hands reuniting as soon as she reversed out of the parking space.

Just as Maura pulled into the Beacon Hill area, she noticed how hard Jane was gripping her hand. She snuck a quick glance over to the brunette and was shocked to see silent sobs wracking her girlfriend's body and tears spilling down her cheeks.

She pushed down on the gas pedal just a bit harder.

"Jane, we're home," she said softly after she'd pulled into her driveway. "Would you like to stay out here for a bit of privacy?" she asked. "You can stay out here as long as you need with the heat or radio on while I prepare your hot chocolate. Only come into the house when you're ready."

"Can I?" Jane asked, keeping her eyes closed as tears continued to fall.

"Of course," Maura replied as she lifted their joined hands up to kiss the back of Jane's. "Don't steal my car, though. I'd hate to have Vince arrest you."

"No promises," Jane attempted to joke, though her voice was wavering.

"Take all the time you need out here," Maura instructed when she felt Jane let go of her hand, allowing her to exit the vehicle and make her way back into her house.

As Maura entered her house, texting Angela to let her know Jane was safe and would contact her tomorrow before pulling out the required ingredients and utensils needed to make Jane's favorite hot cocoa, Jane was sitting in Maura's still running car with the heat on high. The silent sobs she had endured while in Maura's presence gave way to gasps for breath, sniffles, and pained noises.

Her father, the man she'd idolized as a child, was leaving her mother for a new life in Florida. The woman she rolled her eyes at but secretly loved more than anything was losing her first love after decades of a relationship. Her brothers were losing their father and she was losing her hero.

The idea of a love lasting forever was slowly vanishing right in front of her. The belief that maybe her father's cheating genes were also in her swirled in her mind. The fear of losing the love of her life crippled her mind.

She watched the clock change every 60 seconds, willing her tears to stop. When they finally did, she wasted no time in yanking the keys from the ignition and walking up to Maura's front door, wiping her eyes with her sleeves.

Maura looked up from stirring the milk in the saucepot as she heard the front door open, shut, and lock before the sound of keys being set on the table by her door met her ears. Moments later, Jane walked right to the couch where she promptly laid down on her side.

Quickly pouring the hot milk into the large mug Jane reserved just for hot cocoa, Maura mixed in the chocolate mix and added the colorful mini-marshmallows before making her way into her living room.

"17 mini-marshmallows," Maura said as she set the mug on the coffee table right in Jane's line of vision before lifting Jane's head up and replacing the throw pillow she was laying on with her lap.

"Do you remember the day you came to my apartment and first discovered all the letters I'd written you? I said that I wanted to be a turtle so I could retreat into a shell and hide away from the world," Jane asked as she felt Maura's fingers begin to run through her hair.

"Yes," Maura said, smiling softly as she remembered how their journey to that moment began.

"Well, I changed my mind," Jane stated. "I don't wanna be a turtle cuz then I'd never get to feel your hands in my hair."

"I'm glad you've changed your mind. I like you as a human being much more than I like the idea of you as a turtle," Maura smiled.

"Is divorce a thing that happens in turtle communities?"

"I admit that I'm not up to date on the marriage and divorce practices of the various turtle and tortoise species, but I can contact a few university colleagues to arrange for studies to be done on the topic," Maura joked as she continued to run her fingers through dark curls.

"Well, keep me posted with the findings of their studies," Jane said as she rolled onto her back to look up at Maura. "Hi," she said when their eyes met.

"Hi," Maura mimicked as her hand rested at Jane's hairline, her thumb stroking Jane's forehead. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Physically or emotionally?" Jane asked.

"Both," Maura replied.

"I'm tired and cold," Jane admitted.

"Do you want me to get you another blanket?" Maura asked. "Or build a fire?"

"No," Jane said as she tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over her. "You're too comfy to move."

"And how do you feel emotionally?"

"Shitty," Jane said as she averted her eyes. "Like I'm about to explode with all the emotions inside of me and you're gonna have to clean Jane guts from your living room for weeks."

"Would you like to talk? Maybe talking about the emotions a little will lessen the pressure and I won't have to clean your guts from my couch," Maura said.

"Ma looked so devastated at dinner," Jane began as the image of her mother fighting back tears at the table appeared in her mind. "I feel like a crappy daughter for being so reluctant to spend time with her recently. Like, she's known this was gonna happen and has been dealing with it all on her own."

"You are not a crappy daughter," Maura said firmly. "You have been dealing with so much in your own life and putting yourself first in no way makes you a bad daughter."

"I think I know that logically but right now it's just like the left side of my brain is shut down and I'm running on just emotion," Jane sighed. "And pop. Jesus. He was my idol growing up. Always making sure Ma didn't give me too much crap for wanting to play Little League and took me to a Red Sox game every summer where we'd eat our weight in hot dogs and Cracker Jacks. And I've known he's been picking fights and spending too much money but the way he was acting tonight…I dunno if I can look past his shit anymore."

"You don't have to look past his negative actions," Maura said gently. "You can look at the wonderful memories from your childhood and focus on those while gently detaching your life from his. Let the current Frank go to Florida but remember the good he was once capable of."

"Pointdexter," Jane smiled as she returned her gaze to Maura's. "Do you wanna know what I'm feeling more than anything?"

Maura nodded.

"I'm terrified," Jane admitted.

"Of what, sweetheart?"

"Of marrying someone who is the love of my life and then waking up one morning and deciding to ruin that relationship," Jane admitted. "Or of marrying my soulmate only to have them be the one to wake up and decide they're done."

"Your parents relationship is absolutely no indication of your future," Maura tried to soothe.

"What if the gene for cheating or destroying love is genetic and I've inherited it from him?" Jane asked as she locked eyes with Maura. "I would never, ever forgive myself if I ever did that to you," she said as she fought back a fresh wave of tears.

"Sit up," Maura instructed gently.

Doing as requested, Jane rose into a seated position next to Maura and turned to face the doctor, her shoulders hunched as she looked at Maura expectantly.

"Listen to me," Maura said as she clasped both of Jane's hands in her own. "Because what I am about to say is quite possibly a once in a lifetime occurrence. Are you listening?"

"Yeah."

"I don't care what any study or research or peer-reviewed articles say about any sort of infidelity or relationship ruining gene," Maura stated. "There could be studies from Harvard and Yale and Oxford and Stanford but none of those would mean anything to me. Nothing at all. Because I trust you, Jane. I love you and I trust you. Regardless of any sort of genetic predisposition you may have, I trust you and the relationship we have."

"But-"

"I trust you, Jane," Maura interrupted.

"I love you," Jane murmured as she felt a tear fall down her cheek.

"I love you, too," Maura smiled as she let go of one of Jane's hands to gently wipe the tear away, gently kissing away the remnants of salty sadness. "Drink your hot cocoa before it grows cold."

Smiling softly, Jane reached for the large mug of cocoa and took a sip, relaxing against the back of the couch with Maura at her side.

"Did you really just admit to not caring about studies published by Harvard?"

"Oh, shush."

* * *

"Ma just called to let me know she's leaving the house and is gonna stop at the grocery store for dinner stuff before heading over," Jane announced as she entered the home office where Maura was working the next evening.

"Have you decided if you'd like me to be with you two as you have your dinner?" Maura asked as she looked up from a large textbook.

"I think it should just be me and Ma," Jane answered. "But could, like, be on call?"

"On call?"

"Yeah," Jane said. "Like, have your phone on and be available to come back here if I suddenly need you? You know how much your presence calms me."

"So, don't go to any movie theatres or loud places where I would be unable to hear my phone?"

"Exactly," Jane said with a smile. "Is that okay?"

"That is perfectly okay," Maura smiled, rising to her feet and walking to wrap her arms around Jane's shoulder. "Everything is going to be okay, I promise. Your mother doesn't think you're a terrible daughter."

"I hope she doesn't," Jane sighed as she pulled Maura close to her and inhaled the comforting scent. "Can I ask you for something else?" she murmured.

"Of course," Maura replied.

"I, uh…I'm probably gonna be pretty drained after dinner. Like, emotionally. If you think I fell asleep fast last night, tonight is gonna be even faster. So I thought maybe we could read the next letter real quick before Ma gets here. Only if you wanted, though."

"I'd love that," Maura smiled as she rose to her toes to press a kiss to the tip of Jane's nose. "You're cute, by the way."

"I'm not cute," Jane insisted. "I'm a fearsome creature who makes people go 'ahhh!' instead of 'awww.' Got it, doc?"

"Got it," Maura said with mock formality. "So, if I wanted to compliment your physique, how would you prefer I do it?" she asked as they began to walk towards the living room.

"I'd prefer you didn't do that at all," Jane admitted.

"Handsome?" Maura asked. "Stunning? Perfect? Arousing?"

"Uh, let's put a pin in this discussion," Jane laughed as she plopped onto the sofa and tugged Maura down next to her.

"Beautiful? Lovely? Striking?" Maura continued.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Jane sighed dramatically, though a smile tugged at her lips.

"Love me," Maura smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jane chuckled as she wrapped an arm around Maura. "Ready for the next letter?"

Snuggling closer to Jane's side and resting her head on a strong shoulder, Maura nodded.

_Hi, Maura  
It's 8pm and today has been great. No mother barging in before work to pester me, no Frankie knocking half a second before using his key without warning, no Tommy barging in because he's hungry. None of that. I just got to chill here with Jo Friday and do my thing. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but holy hell can they smother me sometimes. And I feel like a shithead for saying that because your parents were non-existent growing up and maybe I'm taking mine for granted but I swear my ma or pop calls me every freaking hour. And I know that I was just held hostage and in the hospital with a point blank bullet wound and Frankie was in really, really bad shape but I just can't deal with ma pestering me. _

_I almost got you a key made when the locksmith came to change the locks yesterday. He asked on the phone how many copies I needed and I swear I almost told him to bring two over. But I suck and just had him bring me one key. _

_I hope you're doing well. That things are starting to go back to normal at headquarters and you're emotionally doing okay._

_Love, Jane._

"I shouldn't have ignored ma or been as snippy with her," Jane sighed as she set the letter on the coffee table. "If I'd just had a real, honest conversation with her maybe she wouldn't have had to deal with all the fighting and financial stuff alone."

"Don't blame yourself for this," Maura said as she wrapped an arm around the front of Jane's waist.

"I'm not really blaming myself for the divorce," Jane clarified. "Just blaming myself for ma having to deal with all of this on her own for so long. She shouldn't have to carry this all on her own."

"You're right; she shouldn't," Maura replied. "And thanks to you reaching out this morning, she is coming to cook dinner with her daughter and have an honest conversation about the divorce. She is coming here because you've realized you were wrong to shut her out and you want to make it up to her."

"Can't we just time travel back to when I woke up in the hospital?" Jane asked. "And then I wouldn't snap at people or shut loved ones out. I'd never change my locks or ignore you and roll my eyes every time I saw ma."

"I find it interesting that you would go back to waking up in the hospital, not to the day of the siege and alter history to create a reality where no one was harmed and Bobby was apprehended the minute he walked into headquarters," Maura mused.

"Well, yeah, I'd probably do that," Jane shrugged. "But there are probably rules about time travel and altering history too majorly or something."

"Your mother, I can guarantee, does not blame you for anything," Maura stated. "And I know coming from me that means very little but when she arrives tonight, I want you to ask her if she blames you for the divorce or for shutting her out."

"What if she says yes?" Jane asked, her voice wavering at the thought.

"She won't," Maura said simply. "And if she does, I'll drive as though I'm in one of those horrible races you and Barry participate in and come home as quickly as possible."

"Thank you," Jane said softly. "I owe you so much, Maura."

"You don't owe me a thing," Maura insisted. "I love you and I will do everything in my power to help you overcome all your insecurities and struggles."

"Well, still. I owe ya. You think of your favorite meal in the whole world and tell me. Appetizer, main course, dessert, side dishes, all of those things. Tell me and I'll make them all from scratch for you. Light some candles and play romantic music and shower you with love," Jane said.

"I think I like that idea," Maura smiled.

"Good."

"I was thinking of heading to the Museum of Fine Arts since they're open late for a special exhibit tonight," Maura said softly. "Would you mind if I left in a few minutes or would you prefer me to stay up until your mother arrives?"

"You can head out now," Jane said. "But you'll make sure your phone is at least on vibrate, right?"

"Right," Maura said, turning to place a gentle kiss on Jane's lips.

* * *

"I'm sorry I ran out last night, Ma," Jane said softly as she stirred the sauce while her mother kneaded gnocchi dough.

"You really worried me, Janie," Angela pointed out. "You ran out without your coat and turned your phone off. I know that it was bad news but I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry," Jane sighed. "I just…Pop was being such an asshole with his eyerolling and deep sighs and acting like this isn't a big deal. If I stayed there, I knew I'd start snapping at him and you know how pop gets when he's had a few drinks and gets angry."

"I do know," Angela confirmed as she began to prepare the small gnocchi bits. "I just wish you wouldn't shut me out when you get overwhelmed."

"I'm-"

"If you apologize, that will be the third straight time you've started a phrase with the words 'I'm sorry'" Angela quickly interrupted. "I know why you shut me out and I understand you don't need to apologize. Just maybe try to be a bit better in the future."

"Yeah, I'll try. Of course I will," Jane said. "Can, uh, I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything you want, sweetie," Angela smiled.

"Do you blame me?" Jane asked, turning to look at her mother who stood at the kitchen island. "Like, do you blame me for the divorce? Or for you having to deal with this on your own since I shut everyone out after she siege?"

"Oh, Janie," Angela cooed as she saw the genuine worry in her daughter's eyes. "I'm covered in gnocchi dough and flour or else I would give you the biggest hug in the world right now."

"You could hug me if you wanted," Jane admitted somewhat shyly. "I've got plenty of spare clothes here."

Given permission, Angela quickly wrapped Jane in a fierce embrace.

"I don't blame you at all, sweetheart," Angela whispered in her daughter's ear. "Your father leaving has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. And I had so many opportunities to tell you about this but I never had the courage. I know you would have been there for me and helped me deal with this if I'd told you."

"I want to be there for you like you've been there for me," Jane admitted softly. "I want you to know that I'm here for you in any way I can be."

"Just like I'm here for you in any way I can be," Angela said, smiling at Jane as she pulled away to look in her daughter's eyes.

"I love you, ma."

"I love you, too, Janie," Angela said before pressing a kiss to Jane's cheek. "And I love that you and Maura are doing so well. She's good for you just like you're good for her."

"She's been the most amazing support system," Jane smiled. "I told her that, to thank her for being so wonderful, I'd make her favorite foods for a special dinner. So I hope you're willing to share some of you cooking tips with me."

"Finally!" Angela laughed. "You want my cooking tips! Oh, I thought today would never come!"

"Hardy har har," Jane chuckled.

"Where is Maura, by the way? Did you lock her up somewhere?"

"What? Ma! No!" Jane rolled her eyes. "I thought it'd be nice for tonight to just be us so she went out to the Museum of Fine Arts for some exhibit."

"You could call her and see if she's already gone into the museum," Angela suggested as she returned to the dough. "See if she wants to come back for dinner since we'll have plenty of food."

"Nah," Jane shrugged. "I think I'd like it to be just us for a little while."

"First you want my cooking tips, now you want some alone time with your mother? My heart can't handle all this!"

"And you wonder where I get my sarcasm from!"

* * *

**As I said, I'll be pulling in various canon elements and altering them to fit this fictional universe. Casey will make an appearance but have no fear! Rizzles will remain 100% intact.**

**Reviews are the best!**


	14. Chapter 14

**My laptop is still in the repair shop—I haven't even heard from the repair man since I dropped it off—but I've been writing by hand a ton and have the house to myself tonight so I can type it up without wandering eyes of my family.**

**Not sure when the next update will be so please don't hate me!**

* * *

"For a second I thought Frankie was gonna turn into The Hulk."

"Hmm?" Maura asked from her position behind Jane in the bathtub, hands never stilling their ministrations as she worked shampoo into dark curls.

"When Ma told him about the divorce earlier today," Jane explained. "For, like, 5 seconds his eyes looked like he was gonna go out and murder my father. But then he just walked over to Ma and I and we hugged it out."

"That's quite a normal reaction," Maura said as she listened to Jane. "But…The Hulk?"

"Yeah, the superhero from Marvel who turns into this huge green monster dude when he gets angry or whatever," Jane clarified. At Maura's silence, she laughed. "Okay, I totally get to pick out the next movie we watch. Gotta school you in the superhero genre."

"I'm familiar with the superhero genre," Maura tried to protest.

"Really?"

"I find the premise of Wonder Woman to be quite intriguing," Maura mused as she tilted Jane's head back to pour glassfuls of water onto Jane's hair to rinse away the shampoo.

"Her premise? Quite intriguing?" Jane chuckled.

"Yes," Maura stated. "She grew up in a civilization entirely of women and heard horror stories of the world of man. She heard of the atrocities men were capable of and when she left her Amazonian community, she realized that the horror stories she'd heard were indeed true. It's intriguing to me."

"I guess you have a point," Jane smiled as she felt Maura's hands begin to massage conditioner into her hair. "Ma used to call me her little Amazonian princess," she confessed with a smile, thinking back to her younger years.

"She did?" Maura asked.

"Yup," Jane confirmed. "I guess I can kinda see it now. Dark hair, olive skin, tall."

"Strong when needed yet gentle when around those who require gentleness, resourceful and cunning, brave, compassionate," Maura listed off.

"I swear that if Ma starts referring to me as her little Amazonian princess again and I find out that you had anything to do with that, you'll be in so much trouble, Doctor Isles," Jane threatened.

"I promise I'll be good," Maura laughed. "So," she began tentatively, "have you heard from your father since they told you of the divorce?"

"No," Jane sighed, closing her eyes as Maura began to rinse her hair free of conditioner. "I called him the morning after I ran out and apologized for that and also let him know he was still welcome at the Boston Heroes Banquet but he hasn't returned my call."

"I'm so sorry, Jane," Maura said softly.

"Let's not talk about my parents anymore," Jane sighed. "Tell me about your parents."

Maura froze.

"Maura?" Jane asked, noticing the way Maura's body stiffened. "Maura, are you okay?" she asked as she turned her torso slightly to try and look at Maura.

"I would prefer we didn't talk about my parents either," Maura said softly as she pulled her hands away from Jane's now clean hair.

"What?" Jane asked. "No, I mean okay," Jane quickly said as she felt the doctor begin to pull away both physically and emotionally. "We don't have to talk about your parents at all. I just don't really know that much about them other than they adopted you and they live in Europe. That they were kinda distant as you grew up. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Maura insisted, already working on detaching herself emotionally in the way she often did when it came to her parents. "What would you like to know about my parents?"

"No," Jane shook her head. "I don't wanna make you talk about something that clearly upsets you. I'm a jerk but I'm not that big of a jerk."

"You aren't a jerk."

"Sometimes I am," Jane said.

"I'm sorry," Maura breathed as she slid her arms around Jane's midsection and rested her cheek on Jane's back. "Just the mention of my parents has the ability to revert me right back to where I was as a terrified and socially awkward 16 year old girl."

"Well, it's a good thing my Ma's got some maternal love to spare for ya," Jane said with a soft smile, placing her hands atop of Maura's.

"I suppose so," Maura sighed. "Although I wish my mother would be the one with just a bit of love to spare."

"You give me your Ma's number and I'll call her and give her a piece of my mind," Jane said. "Then I'm sure she'll have no problem giving you all the love you deserve."

"I would love to see you give my mother a piece of your mind," Maura chuckled.

"Just tell me when and where," Jane promised, lacing her fingers with Maura's before bringing on of her hands up to kiss gently. "Ya wanna get into some PJs? Rumor has it that a giant mug of hot cocoa with 17 mini-marshmallows will cure any sadness."

"I'd like that," Maura smiled.

Jane flipped the drain to begin emptying the bathtub, stepping up first to wrap herself in one of Maura's oversized towels before grabbing a matching one for Maura, wrapping it around her snugly.

Jane gently reached around Maura and pulled her hair from the messy bun the doctor had pulled it up into, silently running her fingers through the golden curls.

"Can you promise me something?" Jane asked, watching Maura's eyes flutter closed at Jane's gentle touches.

"That depends on what you'd like me to promise you."

"I know that sometimes I gripe about my overbearing family and how they're too lovey dovey, mushy gushy," Jane said. "And I guess I never really thought that maybe me doing that might bother you. Like, here I am complaining about a family that so obviously loves me while that's something I get the feeling you've only dreamed of. So I want you to promise me that if my whining ever starts to piss you off or make you sad or whatever, you tell me."

"Jane, its fine," Maura insisted as she opened her eyes to meet Jane's. "You don't have to censor yourself around me. I don't want you to do that."

"And I don't want to unknowingly cause you any sort of pain," Jane countered. "So please promise me that you'll call me out if I get too whiney or take my family for granted."

"Okay," Maura said softly. "I promise."

Jane pressed her lips to Maura's gently.

"Thank you."

* * *

"You ready for Letter #16?" Jane asked, both women sitting cuddled together on Maura's couch with large mugs of hot cocoa in front of them.

"Sixteen?" Maura asked, furrowing her brow slightly. "I thought we were on fifteen…"

"Fifteen was the first one you read," Jane pointed out. "That's the one that had the key to my apartment and said 'Please come over.'"

"The letter that started this whole thing," Maura smiled, holding the mug of cocoa in her hands and resting her head on Jane's shoulder.

"You probably deduced this, but I want you to keep that key," Jane said. "I mean, I'm here pretty much all the time anyways but I want you to have the key just in case."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Jane smiled. "Now, I'll ask you again. Are you ready for Letter #16?"

"Yes," Maura replied, taking a sip of her cocoa.

_I miss you, Maura. It's been a week since you came over to give me that get well card with the turtle on it. And I know a week isn't super long but I just really miss my best friend. _

_I miss the way you know everything about everything but are humble and insist you don't.  
__I miss the way try not to laugh at me when I yell at the television and cover your mouth with your hand.  
I miss your little eye rolls when I purposefully mispronounce your fancy wines and stuff because you think it distracts me from the way my goofiness makes you smile.  
__I miss the way you sometimes fall asleep during movies and rest your head on my shoulder and trust me to be vulnerable around.  
__I miss how you can massage my scars and make them not hurt even if it's rainy and they've been aching for days.  
I miss you playing with my hair because sometimes you do it with the purpose of untangling it but other time you just play with it absentmindedly like it's reflex.  
I miss the way you smell like some sort of citrus-y smell that always makes me feel safe and less anxious.  
I miss how you tilt your head to the side in that super cute way when you're confused or asking me to do something with you.  
I miss seeing the way you get excited when talking about stuff cuz' you're eyes light up and you smile really wide._

_I just really, really miss you._

_Love, Jane_

Maura stared down into her now empty mug as Jane slid the letter back into the envelope and placed it on the table next to the couch before wrapping her arm around Maura.

"You okay?" Jane asked softly.

"There was quite a bit of sugar in my hot cocoa," Maura said. "Maybe putting 17 mini-marshmallows in it was a bit much for my body to handle."

"Maybe," Jane agreed, though she knew Maura was avoiding giving a real answer.

"I think I'm going to lie down," Maura said. "You take your time down here and watch a movie or something."

Jane sighed as she watched Maura walk out of the living room. She grabbed their hot cocoa mugs and rinsed them off, placing them in the dishwasher before hooking Jo up to her leash. She heard water running from Maura's en suite bathroom and figured she would let Jo relieve herself before going up to let Maura know that whatever pain she was dealing with didn't have to be dealt with alone.

After sliding from Jane's embrace and quickly making her way towards her bedroom before the brunette could reply, Maura completed her nightly routine on autopilot. She already wore her standard pajamas and, after applying her lotion and moisturizer and brushing her teeth, crawled into her bed and pulled her knees close to her chest.

Opting to use the guest bathroom for her nightly routine, Jane quickly brushed her teeth and washed her face after checking all the locks. Turning off all the lights, she made her way in to Maura's bedroom and frowned when she saw the doctor curled on her bed with only the moonlight illuminating the room.

Jane slid onto her side of the bed, gently molding her body to Maura's and draping an arm around her midsection. She tucked her knees up behind Maura's and pressed soft kisses wherever her lips could reach.

"Talk to me, Maura," she whispered.

"I'm confused," Maura admitted. "And I hate being confused."

"What are you confused about?" Jane asked.

"My parents have known me for over three decades and yet they don't notice me at all. You've known me for three years and you're able to notice all of those little things about me. I just…" Maura trailed off, biting her lip gently. "I don't get how that's possible."

"I am a detective," Jane replied, trying to bring levity to the situation.

Maura wasn't sure if it was the sugar rush from the hot cocoa and marshmallows or the combination of darkness and Jane's embrace creating a safe space for her that turned off her mind's filter and allowed her to speak about her parents.

"Your mother isn't a detective yet I'm fairly certain she could list off all of your little quirks or tell me basic facts about you like your favorite color or favorite food," Maura countered. "Angela has no formal training yet she is more than capable of noticing her daughter."

"You're right," Jane agreed. "So when I call Mama Isles, I'll be sure to tell her all about your adorably quirky head tilt and how your favorite color is sea foam green and your favorite food is secretly half of a large pizza with extra cheese and mushrooms."

"I really missed you, too," Maura said, allowing her rigid body to relax against Jane as she referenced the letter Jane had just read.

"Well," Jane said with a smile. "Since I told you all the things that I missed about you, it seems only fitting that you tell me all the things you missed about me," she stated.

"Oh really?"

"Yup," Jane grinned, nuzzling against Maura's hair. "It's really the fair thing to do."

"I missed your hands," Maura said as she laced her fingers with Jane's. "The way one of them always seems to be at the small of my back when I'm walking or how you talk with your hands when you're excited or developing a theory. I missed the scent of lavender that is so distinctly you. I missed the way you always call Bass a turtle when we both know you know he's a tortoise. I missed the way we'd fall asleep on opposite ends of the bed or couch but would wake up pressed together. I missed the way you made me laugh and the sense of camaraderie that came when you, Vince, Barold, and I would all enjoy an evening at The Dirty Robber. But I think the thing I missed most about you was something rather selfish."

"What do you mean selfish?" Jane asked.

"I missed the way you looked at me. The way you looked at me like I'm not a freak or like my intelligence is fascinating instead of repulsive. Like I'm someone you actually wanted to be around."

"Turn over," Jane instructed, pulling a few inches away from Maura.

Doing as instructed, Maura rolled over to face Jane and smiled widely when she saw the loving look in Jane's eyes and the gentle smile on the detective's face.

"That's the look I missed most of all," Maura whispered as her hand came up to cup Jane's cheek.

"You're never gonna have to go without it again."

* * *

"I got you a present."

"Huh?" Jane asked, looking up at Maura with a mouth full of Cocoa Puffs.

"I got you a present," Maura repeated, sitting across from Jane at the dining room table and eating a small bowl of oatmeal.

"No, I heard that," Jane said. "I guess I just don't know why you got me a present?"

"Tomorrow is the Boston Heroes Banquet," Maura reminded her.

"So you got me a 'congratulations on _not_ being a hero' present, right?" Jane asked.

"Not exactly," Maura replied with a slight eye roll. "I've left it sitting out on the bed for you. You might absolutely hate it so I'd prefer you open it once I've left for work."

"Now I'm a little worried," Jane laughed, bringing the bowl to her lips to drink down the now chocolate milk. "Why would you get me a present if there's a chance I might hate it?"

"I'm not so sure," Maura admitted. "I can go get the present and have it returned," she said nervously, rising to her feet.

"Hey, no. Don't do that," Jane quickly said, reaching out to take Maura's hand. "I'm sure whatever you got me will be amazing and I'll love it."

"I hope so," Maura chuckled. "Would you like me to pick up something for dinner or will you be making us something?"

"I'll make us something," Jane replied, standing up to take her bowl to the sink. "Do you have any requests?"

"A kiss," Maura smiled as she placed her bowl with Jane's in the sink.

"I meant for dinner, goof."

"So did I."

Jane laughed softly before leaning down to kiss Maura gently.

"Thank you," Maura grinned.

"Anytime," Jane laughed. "Oh! And before I forget, tomorrow at 2:30 I've got a therapy session. If you wanted to come with me still, you're more than welcome."

"I'll double check my schedule and let you know," Maura promised as she picked up her purse. "Love you!" she called over her shoulder.

"Love you, too!"

Once Jane heard Maura's car leave, she opted to leave the dishes for later and go upstairs to find out what exactly Maura had purchased her.

She saw a medium sized box lying on Maura's bed and reached for the envelope on top of it, opening it and reading Maura's distinctive script.

_My dear Jane,_  
_You told me that you hate wearing your dress blues because they make you feel like a man. And, although I can't change the unfortunate wardrobe choices of the Boston Police Department, I can offer you something to help you feel a bit more feminine. I hope you don't hate what I've chosen but, if you do, please tell me and I will have the present returned._  
_Love, Maura_

Curious, Jane opened the box to reveal a matching red set of underwear. They were the softest cotton Jane had ever felt with a lace overlay on top of the fabric, leaving it soft against her skin yet lace for the viewer. Smiling at Maura's gift, she quickly made her way to the bathroom to try the garments on.

* * *

"Jane, did you want to explain why you've invited Maura to your session today?" Lisa, the middle aged psychologist working with Jane, said after the two women got settled on the small couch opposite of her.

"I mean, I already told her why but I guess I can say why again," Jane replied. "I just wanted to give her a chance to talk to me or you about the siege or our relationship or anything else that's on her mind. Really have that strong communication we need to keep our relationship going. Cuz I want our relationship to keep going."

"Is that something you want, Maura? To talk about recent events openly to maintain a strong romantic relationship with Jane?"

"There are several things I want and those things are both on the list," Maura smiled, giving Jane's hand a reassuring squeeze. "I understand your hesitancy about Jane and I's relationship emerging so soon after a traumatic event but your worries are unwarranted. And perhaps that's me being naïve but I truly believe in the potential Jane and I have as a couple."

"Well, I do apologize for suggesting that perhaps the two of you shouldn't be in a relationship," Lisa smiled. "I do suggest keeping my concerns in mind as the siege moves into the more distant past so you don't end up trying to force a relationship beyond its expiration date."

"Maura and I don't have an expiration date!" Jane snapped. "Why can't you see or accept that? I'm not my pop and I'm not gonna walk away from the woman I love!" Jane continued, pulling her hand from Maura's to prop her elbows on her knees and hunch forward, head in her hands.

"Jane," Maura soothed, her hand coming to rub Jane's back. "No one said you were like your father. I do believe that I told you not even Harvard would prove that to me."

"May I ask what's going on with your father?" Lisa asked, causing Jane's muscles to tense even tighter.

"Would you like me to explain?" Maura asked softly, her hand still rubbing comforting patterns on Jane's back.

Jane simply nodded.

"Jane's father has requested a divorce," Maura stated, her head turning to face Lisa but her hand staying on Jane. "She's obviously quite angry, hurt, and confused about the news."

"And scared," Jane admitted, un-hunching her shoulders to sit straighter. "I'm scared that I've inherited the 'Frank Rizzoli cheat, gamble, and walk out on your family after almost four decades' gene."

"There are studies that-"

"I don't care about any studies," Maura interrupted firmly. "I care about Jane. The fiercely loyal and dedicated woman who would rather put a bullet in her gut than see those she cares about in harm."

"At the risk of sounding disgustingly cliché, how does that make you feel?" Lisa asked. "Knowing how far Jane would go—how far she has gone, really—to protect others?"

"It terrifies me," Maura admitted. "To worry that one day her body will be on my autopsy table or wonder what I would say should her funeral arrive sooner than expected."

Hearing Maura's voice shake, Jane held her hand out palm side up and, when Maura placed her hand on top of Jane's and laced their fingers together, gave the doctor's hand a squeeze.

"It also breaks my heart to know that Jane thinks that everyone but her deserves a chance at a long life," Maura stated. "But at the same time," she continued, turning to look at Jane's waiting face, "I'm proud. I'm proud to know and love someone who is so dedicated and loyal to those she loves and those she swore to serve and protect. And it's also quite thrilling to be with someone who's passion runs as deep as Jane's does."

"Any thoughts on what Maura just said?" Lisa asked, turning to look at Jane.

"Just that I promise to work on getting better at not doing stupid and dangerous stuff," Jane said. "And that I love you," she added.

"I love you, too," Maura replied, squeezing Jane's hand in lieu of a kiss.

"I know these are your sessions, Jane, but do either of you mind if I ask Maura something else?"

Both women shook their heads.

"You said a few minutes ago that there are many things you want, Maura," Lisa noted. "May I ask what those many things are?"

"I want Jane to be safe," Maura admitted softly. "I want her to come home to me safely and without harm. I want her to never feel the need to hide parts of herself from me and I want her to trust me enough to voluntarily show me the parts of herself she may not show everyone else. I want her to never doubt my love for her and I want her to never doubt her intelligent and talent and beauty. I want her to not feel as though she needs to prove herself to anyone."

"Anything else?"

"I just want her," Maura said. "I want Jane."

"You have her, Maura," Jane replied. "You have me."

* * *

**Gonna post another chapter right after this but that might be it for updates for another couple of days. Maybe a week.**


	15. Chapter 15

**So, I'm writing this chapter as I still have access to my dad's laptop. I didn't wanna tack it on to the previous chapter just because the flow didn't feel right. Here we have the tail end of the banquet and how that affects our ladies.**

* * *

"Jane Rizzoli."

Hearing her name, Jane turned around from where she'd been watching Maura walk towards the bar and smiled widely.

"Casey Jones," she smiled, giving him a brief hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, seeing as how I know two of tonight's heroes, I came by for a visit," he grinned. "Can I grab you a beer?"

"Oh, thanks but someone's already grabbing me one. And she's a doctor so she'd probably know if I chugged one between now and her coming back with one," Jane laughed.

"Never piss off a doctor," he noted.

Maura approached, a beer in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

"Here," she smiled as she handed Jane the bottle. "The bartender told me that they usually don't carry Blue Moon but, upon hearing it was the favorite of one of tonight's honorees, they made sure to have some in stock."

"Score!" Jane cheered. "Maura, this is Lieutenant Casey Jones. I've mentioned him a few times since we went to high school together and kinda sorta had a thing.:

"Dr. Maura Isles," Maura said, holding her hand out to shake Casey's. "I'm the Chief Medical Examiner so I work fairly closely with Jane and the rest of the homicide unit," she explained.

"Chief ME," Casey repeated. "That's pretty impressive."

"Thank you," Maura replied politely.

"Maura is also my girlfriend," Jane added, noticing the way Maura avoiding contact with her or making that fact known.

"Bet your Ma is pretty damn happy to have a doctor in the family," Casey laughed.

"She is," Jane grinned as she slid an arm around Maura's waist. "Maura has been a lifesaver, both literally and figuratively, since the shooting."

"Perhaps tonight's banquet should have honored you, too," Casey noted to Maura.

"Oh, no," Maura said with a blush. "Jane mentioning me in the speech was more than enough. I had no idea she was going to do that."

"You deserves it," Jane replied, pressing a kiss to the side of Maura's head.

"I've gotta go shake some more hands and kiss some ass but maybe tomorrow we could do lunch?" Casey asked. "Catch up a little bit more?"

"Yeah," Jane nodded. "Just give me a call and I'll see what I'm up to."

"It was lovely to meet you," Maura smiled.

"You, too," Casey said before turning to disappear into the crowd.

"What was that about?" Jane asked once she was certain Casey was gone.

"I don't know what you're referring to," Maura admitted.

"You came over here and once I told you who Casey was, you didn't say you were my girlfriend or touch me in any way," Jane noted.

"I didn't know if that was okay," Maura admitted. "I know you were teased quite a bit in high school about your rumored sexuality and I wasn't sure if you were okay with being out around those you went to high school with."

"All that teasing is in the distant past, especially now that I've got the most beautiful woman on the planet at my side," Jane winked.

"I'm hardly the most beautiful woman on the planet," Maura laughed, though a blush rose on her cheeks at Jane's compliment.

"You totally are," Jane insisted as she began to walk with Maura to a table. "I'm actually gonna call People magazine and demand you make their Most Beautiful People list."

"While you're at it, demand you be on the list as well," Maura grinned, sitting down at a table with Jane.

Jane rolled her eyes as she took a gulp of her beer.

"I don't wanna be on that list. The only person I'll accept oogly eyes from is you."

"I'm fairly certain I've been giving you oogly eyes all night," Maura admitted.

"Oh, I've noticed," Jane smirked. "Although I'm not sure if it's because of the uniform of because you know what's under the uniform."

"You're wearing the gift I bought you?"

"Mmhmm," Jane confirmed. "Perfect size, by the way."

Maura's blush deepened, though this time from arousal.

"Okay, before either of us is arrested for indecent exposure, I'm gonna go make another round of handshakes and say my goodbyes. That okay with you? To head out soon?"

"Of course," Maura smiled. "I'll also make a round of goodbyes and meet you out front by the valet in 15 minutes?"

"Sounds like a plan," Jane grinned as she stood up, offering her hands to help Maura to her feet. "I really wanna kiss you right now but with all the news cameras and people walking around, I'm a little hesitant. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I understand and an more than willing to take an IOU, with interest of course."

"Well, then IOU one kiss, plus interest, once we get outta here and into the car," Jane smiled before walking away.

The next fifteen minute passed with ease. Maura bade her farewell to the Rizzoli family and others she knew at the banquet, accepting a handful of thank you's from those who recognized her from Jane's speech and what she had done for Jane and Frankie.

Maura had just collected her coat from the coat check when the explosion sounded loudly through the air. Her eyes widened as she recalled seeing Jane walk through the exit only a minute before.

Her heart sank.

"Jane," Maura breathed, her feet already moving to the exit. "Jane," she repeated, her pace quickening as she began to jog towards the door. "Jane!" she called once the door was flung open and she was standing in the evening air, the fiery car in her line of sight and dozens of car alarms going off around her.

"Maura!"

She heard the voice calling her name but, realizing it wasn't Jane's voice, ignored it and continued to scan the crowd for any sign of Jane.

"Maura!" the voice repeated, prompting the doctor to turn around and see Casey walking towards her with Jane sagging against him.

"We weren't that close to the explosion," Casey reassured her as he approached. "But the noise scared the shit out of both of us and I think she moved too quickly because she's been holding her gut since it happened."

"I've got her," Maura said as she held her arms out and pulled Jane into her embrace. "Are you injured?" she asked Casey.

"I'm fine," Casey promised. "But I've gotta go help out. I trust you'll take care of Jane."

"I will," Maura nodded, giving Casey a small smile before focusing her attention on Jane. "Come and sit," she soothed as she brought them both to a set of stairs to sit on.

"I have to go help them," Jane weakly protested.

"They're gone, Jane," Maura said. "The instant that bomb went off, they died. You can't save them."

Releasing a shuddering breath, Jane turned her head to bury it into the crook of Maura's neck, ignoring all passersby and news crews as she allowed herself to find comfort in the way she only did with Maura.

* * *

After being cleared to leave the scene and arranging to autopsy the charred remains from the explosion early the next morning, Maura drove she and Jane to her home in an eerie silence.

She had expected Jane to immediately curl up in her bed with her and allow sleep to overtake their bodies but Maura was far from correct.

The minute the front door to Maura's home was locked, Jane spun Maura around and crashed their lips together hungrily. Her hands were already under Maura's coat and working to push it off her shoulders and to the floor.

"Jane," Maura gasped when Jane pressed her against the front door and began to nip at her neck, hands leaving Maura to begin unbuttoning her stiff dress blue shirt.

"I need this, Maura," Jane pleased as she yanked her button up off and captured Maura's lips in yet another bruising kiss. "I need you," she added against Maura's lips.

Maura didn't miss the way Jane said she needed her instead of wanted her. She knew she should stop them both before things progressed but with Jane's hands roaming over her body in search of her dress zipped, her mind couldn't formulate a full sentence.

"I know that I'm deflecting and trying to numb the shock with sex," Jane sighed as she looked into Maura's eyes. "And I promise that tomorrow we'll talk and process and all that. But now…" she trailed off as she unzipped Maura's dress. "Please."

Maura initiated the next kiss, her hands immediately reaching for the hem of Jane's tank top and yanking it over her head.

"Bedroom," Jane gasped as she forced Maura's dress from her shoulders and to the ground.

"Couch is closer," Maura countered as she began to walk towards the couch, kicking her heels off as she did so.

When they reached the couch, Maura pushed Jane down to sit before moving to her knees, hands quickly coming up to unbutton Jane's pants and tug them down over slim hips.

The detective had a fleeting thought that she didn't want Maura on her knees, knowing that she herself hated that position with a man, but the thought left her mind when Maura parted her legs and began to place warm, open mouthed kisses slowly up Jane's legs. Scarred hands tangled in golden curls as Maura looked up at Jane.

"You look stunning in these," she praised as she hooked her fingers into a red lace waistband. "I may ask you to wear them again when I can fully appreciate the way you look," she continued as she pulled the garment off Jane and tossed it aside.

"Deal," Jane breathed.

Knowing what Jane needed—to be brought over the edge countless times until too exhausted to think or do anything other than cling to Maura in sleep—Maura pressed her face against wet heat and began to eagerly lap at Jane's most intimate area.

"Fuck!" Jane couldn't help but gasp, her hands tightening subconsciously in Maura's curls.

As Maura closed her lips around Jane's swollen clit and began to suck gently, the detective couldn't stop her hips from beginning a subtle rocking motion as she allowed her body to succumb to Maura's ministrations.

Jane's orgasm slammed into her, forcing her back to arch and her core to be pressed even tighter against Maura's mouth. She called out Maura's name desperately, trembling as Maura eased her movements down before placing one last kiss to Jane's mound.

Wiping her face, Maura stood up and quickly straddled Jane, sliding her hands behind the taller woman to unhook her bra and toss it aside. Her hands moved immediately to cover small breasts and massage them eagerly.

"We aren't done," she murmured as one hand left Jane's breast to come up and pull her hair from the tight bun Jane had kept it in all night.

Jane could only nod, her hands coming up to rest on Maura's hips and squeeze at the supple flesh there.

And with that, Maura's right hand slid down between their bodies and into wet heat.

* * *

They made it to Maura's bedroom over an hour later, too exhausted to pull on pajamas and simply crawling into the large bed and falling asleep tangled together.

The doctor reluctantly pulled herself away from Jane early the next morning, knowing she had charred bodies waiting for her autopsy. She showered and dressed quickly and silently, offering soothing words to a still half asleep Jane before leaving to begin her day.

Shortly after 2pm that day, Jane was leaving for her day and made her way down to the morgue, noticing the doctor in her black scrubs and tugging off a pair of latex gloves.

"Hi," Maura greeted when she saw Jane lean against a deep sink, her eyes on the remains siting out on the cold metal table.

"Done with the autopsy?"

"With the autopsy itself, yes," Maura replied as she took a few tentative steps towards Jane. "There are a few tests that need to be run to determine use of accelerants or other chemicals in the blast but that's up to the crime lab for now."

"Do you think you could take the rest of the day off?" Jane asked.

Maura looked towards the table of remains, mentally reviewing her staff list and what duties still left to perform.

"I know I'm being clingy and I understand you have work to do but I'd really like to be home with you right now," Jane admitted softly.

"Give me 30 minutes to change out of my scrubs and brief my staff on their duties for the rest of the day?"

"Thank you," Jane sighed.

"No need to thank me," Maura smiled, glancing around the morgue quickly before pressing a quick kiss to Jane's cheek. "Since we drove here separately, would you like to get a head start home and I'll meet you there?"

"I'll wait," Jane offered. "I can drive us to your place tonight and then drive you back here in the morning."

"Okay," Maura nodded. "I'll be quick," she said before turning to instruct her staff and change out of her scrubs.

Returning 30 minutes later as promised, Jane reached for her hand, slowly becoming more confident with public affection, and began to walk with Maura towards her car.

"Thank you for last night," Jane said as she pulled away from headquarters with Maura in the passenger seat.

"You're very welcome," Maura smiled.

"I'm sorry that you didn't get off when I did, like, half a dozen times."

"Don't apologize," Maura soothed, bringing she and Jane's clasped hands up to kiss the back of a tanned hand gently. "I didn't want to have an orgasm. I only wanted to make you come."

"I feel like I used you," Jane admitted.

"You didn't," Maura insisted. "You cannot use me for something I freely and knowingly give to you."

"Still," Jane sighed, pulling her hand away from Maura's to run through her hair.

Maura noticed Jane's tell-tale signs of frustrations and pulling away, panic rising in her chest. She knew how quickly Jane could pull away and how long she could stay away and was terrified to experience that again.

"Jane, please. I mean it. I saw what you needed and I willingly gave to you."

Jane simply shrugged, pulling up into Maura's driveway and exiting the car quickly.

Maura entered her house and locked the door, turning to watch Jane press both hands to the kitchen island and hunch over it.

"Don't shut me out, Jane," she said gently.

"It isn't fair," Jane said, pain evident in her voice.

"What isn't?" Maura pressed, making her way to Jane and beginning to rub gently between her shoulder blades.

"That she died," Jane explained. "That on a night to celebrate her and honor what she'd done, she was killed."

"You're right," Maura said. "It isn't fair that she was murdered and I know that not being able to save her is hurting you," Maura said, turning Jane's rigid body so they were face to face.

"She was the real hero. The woman who truly deserved to be at that banquet and deserved to live a hero's life. She is the one who deserved to live."

"What are you saying?" Maura asked.

"It should have been me."

Maura's arm acted without her mind's permission as it came up to slap Jane across the fact, anger flashing through her rapidly.

"Don't you dare say that!"

"Maur, I'm sorry but-"

"Don't you dare, Jane Rizzoli!" Maura interrupted. "Don't you dare try to tell me that the body I autopsied today should have been yours!"

"Will you please-"

"Don't," Maura said, her voice cracking from anger to pain. "Please don't. Don't try to tell me that the woman I love wishes she were dead."

"Oh, Maura," Jane breathed, her arms reaching to embrace Maura tightly. The doctor tried to fight and keep Jane at bay but the detective refused to let her get away.

"I told you yesterday at your therapy session that I want you to always come home safely to me and that I don't ever want you to have any desire to die," Maura whispered.

"I know you said that," Jane soothed as she felt Maura's body stop fighting. "But it's gonna take time for me to realize that I've got someone to live for."

"I want you to live for you," Maura sad sadly. "Not live for me."

"Well, you're a part of me now so living for you is also living for me," Jane smiled.

Maura lifted her head, bringing a hand to cup Jane's slightly reddened cheek.

"I'm sorry I slapped you," she murmured.

"It's okay," Jane murmured back, giving Maura a soft smile.

"Do you really think that you should have been the one to die last night?"

"No," Jane admitted. "I mean, I know that I think it shouldn't have been her but I don't actually wish I had been in her place."

"Do you promise to tell me if you ever start to think that way?" Maura asked nervously.

"I promise," Jane said, pressing a kiss to Maura's forehead. "Let's go upstairs," she suggested. "I do believe you might still have some interest to collect from last night's IOU."

* * *

"We should get dinner," Jane suggested after noticing Maura's alarm clock told her they'd been in bed for nearly three hours. What had started as Jane tenderly making love to Maura had transformed into carnal fucking to playful teasing and finally one last languidly approached tandem climax.

"Order from a place where my credit card information is on file so we don't have to leave the bed," Maura said, her face nuzzled into Jane's neck as she made no effort to pull her arm away from Jane's midsection or remove her leg from where it was tossed over Jane's thighs.

"We'll still need to get out of bed to get the food when it's delivered," Jane laughed.

"You mean you haven't taught Jo how to bring you your delivery?" Maura asked.

"Now without her eating all the food," Jane smiled.

Hearing Jane's laughter, Maura lifted her head to gaze at the detective.

"Say it again," she requested.

"I am so glad to be alive," Jane smiled, repeating what she'd first uttered when she undressed Maura and saw her spread out on the bed hours earlier. Maura had periodically asked her to repeat the phrase, once being sent into climax as Jane nipped at her earlobe and pounded her fingers into Maura relentlessly and whispered the words directly into Maura's ear.

"Again," Maura smiled.

"I," Jane said before pressing a chaste kiss to Maura's lips. "am," she continued before placing another kiss on now smiling lips, "so…glad…to…be…alive," she finished, kissing Maura between words.

"I'm so glad you're alive, too," Maura beamed.

"Glad enough to let me pick where we order dinner from?" Jane asked.

"I suppose," Maura sighed dramatically. "But I call dibbs on wearing your sweatshirt."

"I figured," Jane chuckled. "How does Greek sound?"

A rumble from Maura's stomach served as her answer and both women laughed as Jane reached for her cellphone to call their favorite Greek restaurant.

An hour and a half later, Maura sat contentedly on her couch in a pair of panties and one of Jane's largest hoodies as Jane threw their dinner containers away, returning shortly in her own pair of flannel pajama pants and a tank top.

"I shouldn't have ordered that extra serving of pita bread," Jane groaned as she flopped down onto the couch.

"Well, we have been participating in rather rigorous activities the past 24 hours," Maura noted as she felt Jane pick up her feet and begin to rub them absent mindedly.

"That's for sure," Jane chuckled. "But how about we take a breather from those activities and read another letter? Is that okay?"

"That sounds lovely," Maura smiled.

"Cool, cuz I grabbed one while I was up," she laughed. "You ready or need another few minutes to digest all that feta you ate?"

"I'm ready."

_Hey, Maura.  
You called me today. Left me a super nice message just letting me know you'd been thinking about me and Jo and hoping that we're doing alright. I wanna call you back but I just can't do that. I'm moody and rude and snarky and I'd just be shit company. And you don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be around someone who's a big asshole when you're one of the nicest human being on the planet. I'm just really afraid I'll be rude or moody and this awesome friendship we've built will all go away.  
__I don't know how to tell you all this, though. Should I shoot you a text telling you that I'd be shitty company if you came over? Or just ignore you and let things go from there? Fuck. I'd normally call you when I'm confused about what to do but that's kinda where I'm stuck.  
__I miss you, Maura. And hopefully I stop being such shitty company soon so we can see each other and Jo and Bass can have a play date.  
Love, Jane_

"This is when you started to pull away from me," Maura noted.

"Yeah," Jane confirmed as she tossed the letter onto the table, her hands resuming their gentle massage on Maura's feet.

"I think that might be why I was so hurt when you were saying how you wish you'd been the one to die in the explosion. Because starting on the car ride home when you admitted to feeling like you used me for sex, I felt like you were pulling away from me," Maura admitted. "I sensed that you were pulling away and I know how long you can pull away from someone when you really want to," she continued. "And I never, ever want you to pull away from me for such a long period of time or so entirely ever again."

"I won't," Jane promised. "I mean, last time I tried to pull away after the shrink made me doubt us I was gone for less than 12 hours before I came back to you."

"I meant what I said in your therapist's office," Maura sighed. "I want you. All of you."

"And I meant what I said," Jane said. "You have all of me."

* * *

**Okay, so, as I said I'm not sure when I'll get to update again since my laptop is still in the shop. But I'll continue to write by hand and transcribe the chapters when I get some time away from wandering family eyes.**

**Thoughts? Horrible chapters? Totally not worth the wait at all?**


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